


cause if we don't leave this town (we might never make it out)

by pettynaley



Category: Twilight Series - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Coming of Age, F/M, Fairly Canon Compliant, Family Drama, Family Feels, Friends to Lovers, Imprinting (Twilight), Post-Breaking Dawn, Renesmee centered, Sheltered Life
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-03
Updated: 2019-05-03
Packaged: 2019-06-01 15:57:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 50,693
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15146630
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pettynaley/pseuds/pettynaley
Summary: Though Renesmee Cullen loves her family greatly, she can't help but feel sheltered and stifled by them and their over-protectiveness as she grows older. When she finally reaches maturity, she decides to take off on her own with only best friend Jacob Black at her side. Together, while falling in love, they face danger and secrets on the adventure of their life.





	1. it's a wonderful (boring) life

In all history of the world, never was there a girl more loved than Renesmee Cullen. 

 

None more adored. 

 

None more doted upon. 

 

None more protected. 

 

But none more sheltered. 

 

And none more stifled. 

 

Renesmee awoke to the sound of rain, the Maine sky overcast and dark. It would be a dreary and humid August day. Perfect for her family. She stretched, then dressed in an outfit handpicked by Alice after visiting the bathroom, making herself more presentable. When living with supermodels, that always felt necessary. She descended down the marble stairs and found her parents sitting in the living room, talking with her aunts, uncles and grandmother that had emerged from their own homes. Grandpa Carlisle had already left, then. Two plates sat at the counter, piled high with steaming bacon and eggs, waiting to be eaten. No Jacob yet, but she wasn’t surprised. Getting him out of bed was like raising the dead. 

They’d moved to a small town in Northern Maine about three years prior. Before that, New Hampshire where her parents went to college together while the rest of the family had found other means of entertainment. They’d left Forks as soon as the immediate threat of the Volturi dissipated. Here, they bought over a hundred acres of land at the bottom of the mountains, far off from the prying eyes of any locals in town, where Carlisle worked at the hospital. A main house sat in the center of the area, elegant and spacious in design. It would house Edward, Bella and Renesmee, as well as serve as a main place to spend time for the rest of the family. The other couples, as well as Jacob, had their own cottages spread out over the property for the sake of privacy and breathing room. Renesmee thought it was fun walking the wooded trails from house to house, visiting or playing around. Or even just running through the fields and forest with Jacob when allowed. 

But Renesmee, now nearly full grown, had her own very place that the men of her family, her Father and Jacob leading the charge, had constructed for her not long after they moved there.

Her very own art studio, made of red brick with glass French doors and blank white walls, that sat out of hearing distance of all the homes at the edge of the property. It was the only place she got to be alone and therefore it was her favorite place in her small little world. 

Painting had become her primary form of entertainment in New Hampshire. It came relatively natural to her and, with some practice, became an expertise. But somehow, it was more than that to her. It was a salvation of sorts, her greatest passion. It relaxed her and allowed her to express herself, her wants and needs. It freed her from the confines of her mind and gave her peace. She’d always shown those around the pictures of her mind, her perspective with the touch of her hand and, eventually, she wanted them to become permanent to view and to study. Her world felt bigger with a brush in her hand and oil paint smeared on her cheeks. 

And so an artist was born. 

Renesmee poured herself a glass of juice to drink. Her Mother, then her Father , kissed the top of her head. 

“Sleep well?” her Father asked and Renesmee placed her hand against his cheek, used to the chill of his skin and replayed for him her dream of running through the beach where the sand was so white and the water clear as glass. She hoped her Father might get the message. Or at least finally do something about it. 

“Oh, that one again, huh? Someday you’ll see the ocean, I promise.” Her father smiled, then glanced towards the front door. “Jacob’s coming, hoping there’s breakfast. A lot of it, too.” 

There was always breakfast. Enough for an army, or at least, one giant werewolf and a teenage hybrid. 

Renesmee felt her heart start to race, knowing that her entire family heard it too, but fought against becoming embarrassed. Jacob had been apart of her life for as long as she’d been alive; sometimes she didn’t even understand why he was devoted enough to them, to her, to follow them across the country away from his home. Jacob had been her protector and her friend for all these years, the person she went to when both in crisis and in joy. And she’d returned that in every way she could. Not to mention the fact that he was beautiful, tall and muscular with eyes and skin the color of bronze that held more warmth than even imaginable. She’d had a crush on him for years, one that had began when she was around the mental and physical age of ten with all the girlish (childish) trimmings. Perhaps more than a crush now, real genuine feelings. She didn’t know. And she didn’t know if he knew the way she felt. She supposed it was kind of obvious, even if she worked hard to hide it at least from him. 

However, she did know that he probably only saw her as a friend, a little sister. That only made the situation worse and her feelings stronger. 

Jacob bounded in through the door, dressed only in a pair of shorts. Renesmee’s eyes widened and she appreciated the view, something nice to look at among such bleak weather; a very obvious move, she realized. He ruffled her hair and smiled, not noticing her attentive gaze. “Morning, Ness. Bells, other Cullens. Blondie.” 

A chorus of greetings, Rosalie's missing distinctly. She’d never grown to like Jacob, despite Renesmee’s best efforts. 

Her Father coughed. “Jacob, would it kill you to wear some clothes?” She flushed; having a Father who could hear your thoughts, especially the ones about boys, was a miserable experience. 

Jacob laughed and sat down at the counter, legs touching the floor despite the stool’s height. “It’s hot as hell out there and sorry I’m not an ice-for-veins blood-sucker.” 

Renesmee sat down beside Jacob, her legs dangling above the hardwood floor, and indicated their plates with her head. “Waited for you. Didn’t want you complaining. Again.” 

Emmett chuckled from his spot on the couch. “Believe me, he’s waited for you, too.” 

Renesmee didn’t understand the joke and didn’t notice Rosalie shove him. Jacob cleared his throat, eyes focused down on the counter, as he began to stuff his face. Renesmee wrinkled her nose. “These are good eggs, Esme,” Jacob said, in between bites. “You’re a great chef.” 

Esme entered the kitchen and turned her attention on cleaning up the pots and pans. She smiled brightly at the compliment, even if Jacob gave it every morning. “Thank you. Oh, Renesmee, when you’re done eating, we have your French lesson and your Calculus lesson.” 

Renesmee groaned. Academics came easily enough to her, an understatement considering she could do Calculus in her sleep and recite verbs while standing on her head, but she did not enjoy them. Not in the least. They bored her, even with as much as she liked learning new things. She didn’t see the point. Who needs to learn languages if you’re never allowed to go anywhere?

Maybe she could sweet-talk Esme into canceling. That was one perk of your Grandmother being your teacher-she’s easy enough to win over. “Do we have to? I have this painting I’d really like to finish ….we could just postpone my lessons for a few days.” She smiled, hopefully. Or the rest of my life, she thought. Her Dad caught her eye and raised an eyebrow. 

Esme remained firm and crossed her arms, but a smile played on her lips. Renesmee looked to her Mother for help, but she shook her head too. “School is important. You can’t go through life like some kind of moron.” 

Renesmee rolled her eyes. “It works for Uncle Emmett.” A chorus of laughs, particularly from Jacob, and an offended shout from Emmett in the living room. Her tone turned suggestive, yet tired, like she’d been down this road before. “You know, school might be for fun if I could be around other kids.” 

Jacob looked at her then, amusement evident in his eyes. “So you can go from looking 15 to 18 in the span of a month and freak everyone out?” 

Edward spoke up, doing his best to sound stern. “I hate saying this, but Jacob’s right and you know that, darling. Now no more complaining about your lessons, because your Mother is right, too, which is something I’m much more willing to admit. School is important. And if you don’t keep up with your work, there will be no birthday party.” 

A horrified gasp left Renesmee’s mouth and she nearly choked on an egg. Her birthday, the final one she'd have where she'd look different by the next one, was only a few weeks away. 

Alice pranced into the kitchen then, purse on her arm and keys jingling in one hand as Jasper followed behind. She let out a laugh and pointed a manicured finger at Edward. Her eyes narrowed slightly. “Oh, no. I have put so much work into this party- as I should considering it marks our little Renesmee’s entrance into maturity and womanhood-but I’ve ordered over 5,000 white fairy lights, two ice sculptures, more flowers than you can count, and a ten layer buttercream frosted cake, which is a lot of cake given that only five of our guests can eat it, mind you. Trust me, Renesmee could run off and join the circus and this party would still be happening.” She twirled on her heel, dramatically, then turned back around to face the family. She smirked gleefully. “Besides, I’ve already seen the party and you’re all there.” She rolled her eyes in the direction of Jacob and Renesmee, her voice becoming disdainful as it always did when this happened. “Except you two, of course, since I can’t see your futures.” 

Renesmee finished off the remnants of her breakfast, thankful to have someone like her Aunt Alice in her life to ensure she experienced events like this. “I’m glad to know someone’s expectations are as high as mine for this party.” 

Alice smiled. “Of course. Now, I’m going shopping to ensure that you have the perfect outfit to wear. It’s a big night and you deserve to look like a Queen.” 

Renesmee visibly brightened. She loved new clothes. “Oh, I wish I could come.” 

“You know why that isn’t possible, darling. Besides, lessons.” Edward crossed his arms and leaned back against the fridge. “And it’s as if she doesn’t own enough clothes already.” 

Yes, it’s not possible because I can’t be near humans, per orders from Aro, Renesmee thought bitterly. I can’t leave this property if I wish to live. That, and they all won’t let me. 

Bella nudged him. “Quit being such a stick in the mud. I think she deserves something special to wear on her birthday.” 

Emmett, still in position on the couch, piped in: “Knowing Alice, it won’t just be special, but slutty, too.” 

Edward and Jacob both looked at Alice in alarm and said, in unison, “No!” 

Every woman in the room rolled their eyes. Renesmee shoved Jacob’s arm and he shrugged at her, then smiled, causing her to roll her eyes again. Boys. That boy. Her boy? 

 

After her lessons were finally completed to Grandma Esme’s satisfaction for the day and she’d eaten lunch, same time as always, Renesmee sat in the bay window, watching it rain and relishing in the quiet. She wondered what it would be like to run and play in it. Or perhaps to stay in a place where it didn’t rain so much, like Florida where she knew Grandma Renee lived. She liked the sunshine and didn’t have to worry about sparkling the way her family did. 

Aunt Rosalie approached her then, taking a seat beside her and crossing her legs. “What are you thinking about?” Renesmee placed her hand on Rosalie’s arm, showing her an image of herself in Florida, buried in the sand on the beach with the water lapping at her toes. She laughed when it was complete. “You and your sunshine. Hopefully it will come out tomorrow just for you.” 

“I’d like that very much. Do you remember if you liked the sun when you were human?” 

Rosalie shook her head. “No, I’m afraid not. But I like the sun now. I just don’t like glittering like a diamond for everyone to see, even if I am one.” She turned cheeky. 

Renesmee laughed, then ran her hands through her aunt’s blonde hair. “Your hair looks like gold in the sun.” 

“I like yours, the reds and the browns. Auburn suits you.” Aunt Rosalie stood, squeezed Renesmee’s chin fondly and kissed her forehead. “Your Dad is waiting for you. Piano lessons, even if you don’t really need them anymore.” 

Renesmee nodded and hurried off. 

By mid-afternoon, all of her lessons had been completed and she’d been permitted to go to her studio. And she did. She stood in front of her easel, dressed in a smock with a palette in hand, and worked on the beach scene painting that had been her focus for weeks now. It was set at dawn, the sky pink with blue and white and the water calm, the waves foamy. Birds disappeared into the distance, a boat embarked into open ocean. Usually, Renesmee worked alone, liking the time to think, but today Jacob joined her like he did on occasion. He was the only one she allowed to be there with her, the only one she wanted there in those moments. Her moments. 

Because he knew. Knew she wanted to see things, see the world without being under the constant supervision of her entire family. Knew she hated being so sheltered. 

Jacob sat on the floor, legs stretched out in front of him and weight resting on his arms behind him. They didn’t talk much in here, usually only when they needed something. She was content to work and Jacob was content to watch her do so. It was comfortable, nice. Peaceful. True friendship. 

Renesmee stood back from her painting, eyebrows furrowed as she studied it, dissatisfied. “Jake, tell me again what La Push is like. I want this to be as authentic as possible.” 

Jacob peered at the painting. “Well, it’s not that bright and I never saw many boats. Reminds me of more of the beaches here, darker. Less ready for a bunch of tourists wanting to soak up sun.” 

“I haven’t been to the beaches here, either.” Disgusted, Renesmee removed her smock and set aside her supplies, deciding to take a break. She flopped down onto the floor beside Jacob and let out a heavy sigh. 

“Feeling angsty today, huh?” 

“Blame the weather.” 

“If it makes you feel better, I wanted to take you to La Push before we left Forks, but your parents said no. Well, your Mom said no.” 

“Figures, but how come?” 

A strange looked passed over Jacob’s face, his eyes becoming distant, and he frowned, but then shook it away. “I don’t know, trying to protect you, I guess. We left pretty quick after everything settled down.” 

Renesmee laid back on the floor, her long hair pillowing around her as she stared up at the wood paneled ceiling. Jacob joined her and mere inches of space laid between them. Their arms touched, hers so much smaller and his so much stronger. She felt her heart race, her skin prickle. Jacob had to hear it at this close of proximity. She could hear his, feel the heat radiating off him. 

“Jake, why did you leave your family to be with us, to spend so much time with us, anyway?” 

Jacob pursed his lips, thinking a moment. Renesmee turned her head to watch him, expectant of a good, non-evasive answer. Finally, he said, “You’re my family, too.” 

Renesmee brushed her fingers against his then, wondering again if he knew how she felt. If he felt the same. If there was a chance for them, someday. One day. He-this-was about the most exciting thing in her life and she was a vampire-human hybrid.


	2. self-aware egotism

Several days passed in the cherished tedium of those that had come before them. There were lessons and meals and family time filled with laughter and teasing; she’d loved those moments. It had continued to rain through all of them, making Renesmee wish for sunshine with a new sense of hopelessness that she’d never experienced before. Would it, the rain, ever end? Why did she so desperately want it to? Why did she hate this weather so much? She didn’t know. 

But finally, the rain stopped and light returned, making her so very happy. 

Early that morning, Renesmee stood out in the clearing beyond the house, breathing in the smell of clean air and fresh grass while digging her bare feet into the damp mud beneath them. Her auburn hair felt warm to the touch, the thick curls weighing heavy as they fell down her back to above her bottom. It had never been cut and she wondered what it would be like to do so. Lighter, perhaps. 

“Ness!” 

She turned at the sound of her nickname, knowing by it and the voice that it was Jacob. He jogged through the grass toward her, a glimmer in his eye and a smile on his face. A smile formed on her face just looking at him, beautiful and happy to see her. She approached him and touched her hand to his cheek, showing him what she’d been doing out here since she knew he’d ask. 

Jacob glanced down at her red polished toes. “You’re okay with them being dirty?” His tone was incredulous. 

“I quite like the way it feels, thank you very much. Anyway, what has you so excited?” 

“You can tell, huh? How does a run sound?” 

Renesmee brightened, her eyes crinkling with glee as she spoke. “How far?” 

Jacob stripped himself of his shirt and tossed it to the ground, that being a better fate than a thousand cotton shreds. She tried not to stare at him, but felt herself fail. He seemed to notice and focused on a spot just beyond her, causing her cheeks to burn.“Say the usual spot? Loser admits that they’ll never be fast enough.” 

A term they always included, but knew she would never admit to when she inevitably lost. It was more about the thrill of the run than competition, anyway. 

Renesmee extended her hand to him, their normal betting gesture. He took it, her dainty hand engulfed in his large and strong one. “You’re so on. I will warn you, though, I’m feeling very energetic today after being cooped up for so long.” 

Jacob smirked. “I’m okay with that chance.” Next came his pants and boxers and he motioned with a finger for her to turn so she couldn’t see him. The crimson in her cheeks burned brighter and how she wished she could catch even just a glimpse. 

“Fine, you’re on.” And she took off in a run before he could even turn, giggling as she ran, fast as her legs could carry her. Within seconds, she could hear Jacob pounding at the ground behind her. 

And he passed her. Renesmee swore, but soon found herself propelled forward in a last effort to get ahead. The trees were a swirl of green and brown as they ran, hunks of blue sky thrown in hazardly. They were miles into the forest, nearing the spot of smooth rocks that extended up the mountain side, perfect for sitting and climbing, where they always stopped. 

The rocks came into view and Jacob touched the stone before she could. He let out a triumphant howl. 

Pouting only a little, she crossed her arms, but her eyes had a glow to them as she let out small pants of breath. “Well done. Again. You’re incredibly fast.” 

A figure appeared at the distant edge of the clearing, unidentifiable at first. Jacob positioned himself in front of Renesmee defensively, growls emerging from deep in his throat. She didn’t move, anxious as to what it could be. He stared ahead, but soon his haunches lowered and Renesmee shielded her eyes from the glare of the sun with her hand. Realizing it was only her father, she rolled her eyes. He motioned for them to come back home. 

“Race you back?” Renesmee offered and an idea popped into her mind, hoping her Father wasn’t within distance to hear. She didn’t wait for an answer from Jacob and took off again, but he was right on her heels. 

And he passed her again, but this was no longer a race for her. 

They made it back to where they began. Edward stood visible on the porch of the house, arms crossed and watching them, a hint of a smile on his face. He hadn’t heard her. 

Jacob let his victory be known again, loudly, but Renesmee didn’t let it phase her. She turned her back to Jacob and he returned to his human form. But before he or her Father, now realizing her intentions, could attempt to stop her, Renesmee scooped up Jacob’s clothes and held them close to her. She could smell his cologne and the scent of the garage, the smell of oil that came with working on cars like he did. 

When Jacob let out a horrified gasp at what she’d done, she began to giggle like the teenage girl she was. Jacob lunged towards her, then realized he was very much exposed, and used his hands to cover himself the best he could. 

It dawned on her that she’d been right about a few things there. Her Dad growled a little and she flushed. 

His voice a pleading whine, Jacob took a cautious step towards her and said, “Ness, please give me my clothes back. This is kind of mean, you know, especially for you. C’mon, please. I’ll do anything you want, I swear.” 

Her ears perked, but in her heart, she already knew she had that. Anyone in her family would give her whatever she could possibly desire. And it was so very frustrating. 

Grinning like a sly fox, Renesmee stepped back further from Jacob. Only about a foot of space remained between them. If it weren’t for having to cover himself, Jacob could easily grab them right for her hands like she wasn’t there. She could feel her Father watching anxiously. Probably waiting to protect her innocence if her had to. 

“You know, I find it very hard to believe this has never happened to you before. It seemed so obvious and easy.” She teased him further, her voice taunting and she dangled the clothes in front of him, but didn’t dare separate them too far from herself. She wasn’t stupid, after all. 

Jacob scowled. “Very funny. I’m so getting you back for this.” He took another step toward her, then dropped back. Renesmee tucked the clothes safely behind her back, her grip firm. 

She raised an eyebrow, taking on a flirty tone. “How? By stealing my clothes and leaving me naked?’ She swore he turned bright red and slipped further away, still struggling to cover himself. She found his plight adorable and wondered if that made her a bad person. 

Her Father seemed to grow tired of her game then, his voice coming out in a low growl as he said, “Renesmee, give Jacob back his clothes. This is childish for someone nearly full grown.” 

Full grown meaning still a teenager, of course, she thought. 

“Well, Dad, I would, but...I’m having so much fun.” Jacob came closer than he had so far, only inches in between them again, and she could feel the heat radiating off him. Her heart raced, a gleeful shriek leaving her mouth at the playful risk of her their little game. She clung tighter to the clothes, sensing the end was coming. Jacob used one arm to try and reach for her, but his more pressing task, modesty, required both. He huffed, frustrated. 

A lightbulb seemed to go off in Jacob’s head. “Give me my clothes or I’ll call you that b-word you hate so much.” 

Renesmee narrowed her eyes, hoping he was bluffing. She despised that word. “You wouldn’t.” 

“Try me.” 

Oh, how she did. 

Finally fed up, Edward leaped off the porch and joined them on the grass. His voice raised, more than she’d heard it in long time. “Jacob, I swear if you call my daughter a bitch…” 

Jacob ignored him, unbothered by the threatening tone. He focused his attention solely on Renesmee, blinking once. “Brat. You’re a brat.” 

Renesmee gasped and in her indignant outrage, dropped the clothes. How dare he! Wasting no time, her Father swept in and grabbed the clothes, tossing them to Jacob with a look that demanded not only that he dress, but he do it quickly. Jacob wasted no time, either. 

The view had been nice while it lasted, she supposed. At least now it was committed to memory for later. 

Renesmee crossed her arms, looking at Jacob with her coldest expression, which even that lacked intimidation. She tried to sound strong. “By the way, I am not a brat and I can’t believe you’d call me that.” 

Despite her protests to the contrary, Renesmee knew she could be a brat, a very spoiled one at that, but her pride would never allow anyone the satisfaction of calling her that. Even Jacob. Self-aware egotism. 

Jacob rolled his eyes as he put his belt back in place. “Oh, you’re definitely a brat, but I happen to like it. Keeps things entertaining.” He smirked and mussed up her hair to annoy her further. “That was entertaining, even if I knew one slip would mean the end of my life or worse, castration. Your old man may not have a heart beat, but I swear he was gonna have a heart attack.” 

She couldn’t help but laugh at her Father’s expense. Placing her hand against Jacob’s cheek and showed him her Father’s face from her perspective, causing him to burst out laughing. 

Edward crossed his arms and his tone cooled. “I could still castrate you, you know. C’mon, Esme has dinner waiting for you two.” 

 

After dinner, Renesmee ventured out to her studio to take advantage of the golden-hour sun. She hoped to finish La Push now that her inspiration had returned with the sun. In silence, she painted and lost herself in the work for what felt a effortless eternity. It could have been hours or seconds, she didn’t know. However, when she stepped back from the easel, her smock and hands covered in a new layer of colors, something still seemed to be missing in the painting. 

She’d encountered this feeling with her paintings before, especially recently and she couldn’t understand why that was. They lacked a certain depth, an emotional, not elemental, one that she couldn’t place or even begin to figure out. But without it, even her most brilliant pieces felt incomplete and lifeless. The same could be said for her muse. Both were void of deeper emotion, feeling that rose beyond the surrounding world and broke free. 

Renesmee sat aside her palette and stared at La Push, wondering if her life and her art were missing some of the same things. There was a thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Renesmee's bratiness is intended (she is a teenager and only child loved intensely by all around her), but there will be growth. Still can't believe I'm writing Twilight fic in 2018.


	3. the beauty and excitement in fear

The sun continued to shine and over the next few days, the humidity became unbearable. Renesmee laid on the cool tile floor of the kitchen, her Mother watching her curiously while Aunt Alice mumbled complaints about the wrinkles, not to mention dirt, she would get in her blouse. Esme, who was working on a birthday project for Renesmee that she wasn’t allowed to peek at, had taken offense at that, saying there was not a speck of dirt in any house on this entire property. She was likely right. 

Jacob hadn’t been around that afternoon, gone at work in a town garage where he disappeared to several afternoons out of the week. Even he needed a break from the Cullens, as well as his own money for the sake of his pride. 

But he should be back soon. She was counting down the seconds till then. 

Her Aunt Rosalie entered the home then, doing a double take when she saw Renesmee. Her head cocked to the side. “What are you doing, exactly?” 

Alice rolled her eyes. “She says it’s less humid down there.” 

Renesmee propped herself up on her elbows, noticing the bag in Rosalie’s hands. “What do you have?” 

“Fingernail polish and the sort. I thought we could do manicures. I don’t know about you, but I could use a touch up.” Rosalie revealed the contents of the bag with great flourish, like she was a game-show host showing off a brand new car. Renesmee wasn’t allowed to watch much TV, but even she had some experience with those corny old men. The whole thing seemed fun to her. 

She loved doing girly things like this with her Aunts since her Mom wasn’t that interested in it most days. Renesmee stood and dug through the massive supply of polish, searching for the perfect color. She decided on a deep red, more maroon really, and held it up for the other’s to inspect. 

Bella nodded. “I like that one. Red suits you.” 

Rosalie motioned for Renesmee to take a seat at the counter and set to work on her nails, focused on that task and it alone. 

Alice looked through the pile for herself, grimacing at a mustard yellow. “I agree. It’s the hair that does it, really. Not to mention the contrast with your skin. May I add that your birthday dress is about this color. Do I have solid taste, or what?” 

Renesmee cut her eyes to Alice, one brow lifting. “I’d be more inclined to agree if I was allowed to see it.” She’d been trying to get her way on this one since the day Alice bought it. 

Esme chuckled at that true Cullen sass, but Alice paid it no mind. “We’ve been over this, it’s going to be a surprise. It’s more fun that way. I know you’ll love it.” 

Renesmee couldn’t hold back the sarcasm. “How? Did you see it in my future?” 

The three other women broke into laughs at that. Alice straightened her shoulders, that issue a sore spot for her. 

When all the nails were finished, Esme declared it was time for Renesmee to return to her lessons. She struggled not to groan aloud. English today. Her Mother and Aunts cleared out, knowing not to push Esme on this, because despite her sweet nature, she could be quite firm. 

Renesmee looked up from her observation of her fingernails. “So, what book am I starting today?” She always at least tried to be enthusiastic for her Grandma’s sake. 

Esme fetched a book of the shelf in the study. “I know you don’t very much care for Shakespeare, ironic considering your parents both love him, but I’m going to have you read Macbeth.” 

Renesmee observed the cover, where there was both a bloody crown and a bloody sword. She looked up at Esme, apprehensive. She didn’t much care for gore, more of a romantic than anything else. She hated Romeo and Juliet purely for the all the death. “Is this the one where everyone dies by the end?” 

Esme shook her head. “No, that’s Hamlet. I know better than to try to get you to read that, though Macbeth does have its fair share of death, too." 

That was her problem with Shakespeare, really. He just wanted to kill everyone and their family. 

“Spoilers,” Renesmee remarked as she flipped through the pages, quickly, feeling the air fan against her fingers. “You know, I’m just glad real people aren’t this awful.” 

“Of course.” Esme’s smile became tight lipped, pained. Renesmee, however, did not notice as she’d already began to read. 

Not long after Renesmee had finished the first act of Macbeth in the comfort of her bedroom, she heard the sound of Jacob’s motorcycle on the gravel outside. Happy to be free of the murderous king, she tossed aside the worn book on her bed and jogged out to greet him. Lifting off his helmet, he smiled when he saw her. He always had a smile for her. Like it always did in his presence, her heart raced. “Hey, Ness. How was your day? Nice nails.” 

She placed her hand to his cheek and allowed him to view her day: morning lessons, arm wrestling with Emmett, laying on the kitchen floor, manicures and Macbeth. 

They walked side by side into the house. “Somehow a good day and yet the same old, same old, then. I’m starved.” He began digging through the fridge, probably prepared to eat whatever was in sight. She found it adorable and watched his frantic search. 

“Esme’s probably going to have dinner for us soon, you know.” She grinned as Jacob began to concoct a massive ham and turkey sandwich. 

He slid in at the counter beside her. “Call this my pre-dinner snack.” He ate quickly, without really tasting it. Gross, but somehow not a repellant. 

“How was the shop? Did you finish fixing that old Mustang yet?” Old meaning classic, of course. 

Jacob shook his head. ‘Nah. I almost don’t want to just so I can keep it there longer. I’m that in love. I may or may not have taken her for a joy ride this afternoon.” 

“Jake!” 

He brushed off her concern for legality and rules. “Relax, I was testing it out after I put in a new part, which I’m not gonna even attempt to explain to you again since you’ve proven yourself illiterate when it comes to cars.” A smirk befell his face and she shoved his arm, not that it accomplished much other than annoying him. 

She supposed that was good enough, though. 

He stood, brushed the few fallen crumbs off his lap to the floor subconsciously. Her nose wrinkled. Maybe she really shouldn’t lie on the floor. “So, how would you like to go swimming? It’s miserable out there. In this kind of weather, you need to be in water or in front of an AC. ” 

Her eyebrows raised. “Where?” 

Jacob had a twinkle to his eye, one she adored. He had such a playful nature and that was one of her favorite things about him. “Let’s just say I know a place, alright?” 

He would never tell her until he was good and ready. “You and Alice and your damn surprises.” She grumbled as she headed up the stairs to change. 

When she returned, Jacob wore only a pair of shorts and had two towels thrown over his shoulder. What a view. His eyes fell onto her then and Renesmee felt exposed, yet confident in the slinky, navy colored bikini with the higher waisted bottoms made to accent the sides and the push up top. Still staring at her longer than necessary, Jacob’s cheeks burned red and his mouth parted slightly. Her pulse quickened with the hope that maybe he did see her as more than a friend these days. Thank you, Aunt Alice, she thought with a little smirk. 

Jacob cleared his throat. “Ummm, you ready to go?” 

She pranced over to him, nodding eagerly. “Lead the way, Alpha.” 

“Please, never call me that again.” 

They marched up through the forest and into the mountains, Renesmee following behind Jacob as they went higher than she’d been in some time now. She hoped this place would be worth the wait and the climb. Every so often, she would ask Jacob where they were going or if they were close, but he never answered, only smiled and told her to stop pestering him because he would not give in to her. He wanted her to be surprised. 

And finally, after what felt like an eternity and hundreds of miles, they came to it. A small gasp left her lips at the sight. Before them, stretched a magnificent waterfall down a rocky slope with large stones resting at the top, the sun beating down upon them and reflecting off the shimmering water. The fall cascaded into a deep pool, so deep and dark that she couldn’t see the bottom. Moss grew up, around and over the rocks, cushioning the ground as well. The trees provided shade and sanctuary from the heat, as well as privacy. It was so beautiful and Renesmee loved it, it’s grandness and it’s seclusion, already. 

“How did you find this place?” She still hadn’t caught her breath. The fall was massive, at least 50 feet. 

“I was running the perimeter a few weeks ago and stumbled across it. Pretty sweet, huh? I thought you’d like it.” 

She watched the water tumble down, the noise of it nearly deafening. “Pretty sweet and like don’t even begin to cover it. I’m going to have to paint this place.” 

Jacob tossed their towels into a pile on the ground. “Later. I want to swim. What do you say we jump in?” 

She looked up, taking in the height of the falls. Her hands began to tremble, her voice raising in pitch, but becoming quieter. “I don’t know……It’s a little...well, high.” 

“I’ve jumped from places higher than this back at La Push and I’ll hold your hand, but if you’re scared, I guess….” 

Him and his taunts. Her jaw set and she looked up at the falls with new determination, though her knees felt wobbly. She could do this. She was no coward. “No, no, let’s do it. I’ve got this.” She set off to scale the rocks, but paused and turned to look back at Jacob, her face grimacing. “You will hold my hand, right?” 

Nodding with a smirk peeking through, Jacob jogged ahead of her and began to climb the rocks with ease. She found his athleticism ridiculously attractive and admired the view. He extended his hand to her and helped her up to where he stood; they climbed the rest of the way like this, him leading and helping her along so she didn’t slip. The chivalry and protectiveness towards her were pretty attractive, too. 

They reached the top where there was little space, about five feet or so all around on the rock they stood upon. Renesmee felt the trembling in her legs again and clung to Jacob, chiding herself for being such a baby. Really, it no was wonder her family treated her like one. Her nails dug into the skin of his arm. She looked down at the drop and into the dark pool, counting to ten in her head. She willed herself to be strong. 

Jacob held her close, reassuring which of them of her safety she didn’t know. “I got you, Ness. I won’t let you fall. Ever. Ready?” 

At the curt nod of her head, Jacob stepped closer to the ledge. She reluctantly let go of his arm and he took ahold of her hand. He squeezed it, another promise of safety, and Renesmee looked up at him, the adoration in her heart increasing tenfold. He smiled at her, soft, and she felt warmth wash over every inch of her. 

Jacob squeezed her hand again. “I know you’re a little scared, but you can do this. I know it. On the count of three, alright?” 

They spoke in unison, Renesmee’s voice gaining strength with every number: one, two, three. 

They jumped, descending through the air. She felt herself scream in glee and terror alike. Their bodies hit the water with a massive splash and only then did they let go of one another’s hand. Renesmee opened her eyes under the water, the shocking freeze of the water disappearing in seconds and being replaced with a comfortable chill. Adrenaline coursed through her veins and she pushed herself to the surface. Jacob swam to her then, water dripping from his hair into his eyes and down his cheeks. She grabbed ahold of his muscular arms, legs kicking under the water, and her heart still raced faster than it ever had before. Her words came out quick and breathless: “Oh my god, that was amazing. I can’t believe we just did that.” Frantic for Jacob to understand how much she’d loved the experience, she pressed her hand against his cheek with energized forced. Played it once, twice. “We have to do that again. Like today.” 

It had been one of the greatest rushes of her life. 

Jacob laughed, shaking water from his hair. She could see each little droplet as it fell, the distance between them so small. She could feel his breath against her face, hear his heart beat, fast like hers. Her own pulse would not be slowing any time soon. “We will. And to think, you were scared!” 

Normally, she wouldn’t openly admit to fear, but today was different. “Sometimes I think it’s good to be scared of something and then to do it anyway.” Her eyes fell to his plump lips, wondering what they felt like, what they tasted like. He watched her and she could feel his heart pounding against his chest. She wanted to kiss him then, convinced herself she would, even if she didn’t know how. Without even being aware of it, she leaned into him and they were now chest to chest. The contrast of his hot skin and the cold water excited her more than she thought reasonable and she wanted to lose herself in that rush. Jacob watched her, spell bound and breathless, and rested his hands on her arms. She felt so safe there. Her forehead came to rest on his, their brown eyes meeting in an intense gaze. Caution and good sense continued to hold her back from going further, pressing her mouth against his in what would be her first kiss. 

But she didn’t get the chance. Jacob pulled back from her, releasing her arms from his grip. His chest shuddered and he took a few deep breaths, then tried to laugh off what had happened. “Let’s swim,” he managed to grind out before disappearing under the water, taking the heat with him. She only nodded. 

Renesmee felt cold and his rejection stung deep, her chest aching. Why had he pulled away? 

When they returned to the house, silence between them the entire walk, the sun had started to set and the entirety of the family had gathered in the main house, waiting for them. Bella and Edward met them in the yard, each taking Renesmee into their arms for a hug. 

Bella cut her eyes to Jacob, her bell-like voice coming out angry. “Where did you take her? Why didn’t you tell anyone where you were going? We nearly started a hunt for you two.” 

Though her Mother had addressed her questions to Jacob, Renesmee couldn’t help but speak up. “And walk in on any one of you having sex? No thanks, it’s bad enough just hearing it. I don’t need the additional trauma.” 

Everything she knew about sex, which was very limited, she knew from living with a family of constantly horny vampires. 

“We just went swimming, Bells. She’s fine. Do you honestly think I would put her in any danger?” Jacob’s voice took on an edge by the end of the sentence. 

Bella pursed her lips. “No, I don’t. We just got scared.” 

“But why? She was safe with me. You both know she’s always safe with me. You can be such helicopter parents.” 

Renesmee remembered how safe she felt in Jacob’s arms back in the water, how secure he always made her feel. She tried to keep her mind off the near-kiss, but failed. Her Father watched her, eyes narrowed, then cut his gaze to Jacob. He knew. Oh, god. Jacob was dead. She was dead. 

Edward spoke up. “Jacob, can I speak to you a second?” 

Renesmee’s thoughts pleaded with her Father not to kill him. 

Jacob’s understanding of what this would be about was clear on his face. He merely nodded his head and the two walked off. Not in the loop, Bella watched them both in confusion, her eyebrows pulling together. 

Renesmee looked at her Mother in alarm. “Dad isn’t going to kill Jacob, is he?” 

“Why would he do that?” 

Instead of taking the time to explain and never being much of a talker anyway, Renesmee pressed her hand against her Mother’s cheek, replaying the memory of her and Jacob in the water. Her Mother blinked at the intensity of the moment. “Wow,” was all she managed at first. She went quiet, her face blank and Renesmee wished with her Mother more than anyone else she had the power to read minds, even if her Mother was a shield. Finally, her Mother looked at her softly and her words had a promise to them: “Your Dad won’t kill Jacob.” 

It put Renesmee at ease. She and her Mother returned to the house, though Renesmee looked around for Jacob even if he was nowhere in sight. She talked with her family briefly before going upstairs with her Mother to Renesmee’s bedroom. They both curled up on her bed, Bella holding Renesmee in her arms. The chill of her Mother’s skin felt colder after having been in Jacob’s arms. 

Her Mother kissed the top of her damp head. “You almost had your first kiss. And with Jacob, too. Pretty big stuff.” 

An understatement to say the least. 

A sigh escaped Renesmee’s lips. “Almost, Mom. I don’t think he...feels that way about me. You saw. He pulled away.” 

“Hey, he may have pulled away, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t like you. Trust me here. I’ve known Jacob for years, haven’t I? He may have just freaked out a little.” 

Ah, she could hope that was the case and that he wasn’t totally repulsed by her when she felt so strongly for him. 

Her Father appeared in the doorway then and Renesmee sat up abruptly. “You didn’t kill him, did you?” She had to hear it from him to trust the promise, perhaps even see Jacob herself to fully believe he hadn’t been harmed. 

He cracked a smile then sat down on the bed, taking her hand in his. “No, I didn’t kill him, but I may have scared him a little bit. Besides, your Aunt Rose is more of a threat to him than I am. We just talked.” 

“About me?” 

“Who else?” 

“Did he happen to mention whether or not he liked me?” 

“Not my place to tell, darling. You’ll need to talk to Jacob yourself, but not tonight. He says he needs to think.” 

Think? About what? She had no idea if that was a good thing or not, but she would hope for the best. Her heart wouldn’t allow her to consider the possibility he didn’t feel the same way about her she did him. She couldn’t take such hurt. 

That night, dozens of lamps burning to provide more light, Renesmee worked with fever on a new painting of the waterfall in her studio. The silence fueled her on. Desperate to finish it that night, she worked tirelessly for hours and her muse was restored at least temporarily. It was the second best feeling in the world. 

The waterfall, golden hour. A couple embraced in the water, sunlight glimmering off their intertwined bodies and the water around them. They looked at each other like no one else in the world existed. It seemed like a fantasy, yet had been so real. In Renesmee’s mind, it was so vivid that it felt like it was still happening right before her own eyes to witness again as an outsider. 

And for the first time in a long time, her art lacked nothing. Emotional depth was not only present in the scene, but palpable and it reached out to her, pulling her deeper into the work. Without realizing it in the moment or even now, she’d found the missing piece to her life and her passion: experience.


	4. to the promise of someday

When she finally went to bed that night, Renesmee couldn’t sleep. Her mind felt like a livewire, bouncing back and forth from Jacob to her parents and then back to Jacob. 

How did Jacob really feel about her? The same as her? Why had he pulled away? What did he need to think about? 

And what about her parents? They’d hardly reacted to the almost-kiss, not one freak out. Yes, they knew she had a crush on him, her father being a mind-reader and all. But they weren’t at all surprised about the sudden escalation between her and Jacob? It was almost like they’d expected it to happen sooner or later. Perhaps her Father had been reading Jacob’s mind as well lately, hearing the way he felt about her. Strange. 

Perhaps that meant Jacob wanted her, too.

And that always brought her back to why he needed so much time to think. She wanted to talk now. 

It was a long, never-ending night. She awoke the next morning after finally drifting off for an hour to see her Aunt Rosalie standing at the foot of her bed. Renesmee propped herself up on her elbows, her hair in every which direction and dark circles under her eyes. Her forehead scrunched up and she rubbed at her face. “Good morning? Thanks for joining me unannounced for breakfast in bed. Bring on the coffee and scones.” 

Rosalie raised her eyebrow as she tossed Renesmee her silk robe on to the bed. “Someone sure is grouchy this morning and, no offense, but you look like hell. Did nearly kissing the dog give you such awful nightmares that you couldn’t sleep?” 

The distant sound of chuckling down the hallway: her father. Of course. “Jacob isn’t a dog and believe me, the moment was nothing close to a nightmare. Really, it was a dream moment.” Renesmee wrapped the robe around her, grateful for it after leaving the warmth of her blankets. She stared at herself in her dresser mirror in horror. “Oh, God I do look rough.” She looked back at her Aunt in alarm. “You have to fix me.” 

Rosalie laughed and motioned for Renesmee to sit as she grabbed a hairbrush, running it through the unruly locks. “I can’t believe you almost kissed him. Him.” She shook her head as if the thought was ludicrous. 

She grimaced at the tug of a certain stubborn knot. “You seem more surprised than Mom and Dad and I just don’t understand that.” 

Rosalie went silent a minute, then her words came out hesitant, making Renesmee more curious as to what was going on; she really needed to talk to Jacob. “Well, I guess they saw it coming. You two have been friends forever and you’d have to be blind not to notice what’s grown between you.” 

Grown between you. From friendship. Renesmee liked the way that sounded. And if it everyone could see it, then it had to be true, right? You had to be blind not to. The lack of shock between her parents, however, still felt weird. It was so unlike them to be this relaxed about something. 

She looked back at her Aunt, an exhausted smile forming on her lips. “Is it really that obvious?” 

“With you? Yes. You’re an open book. Jacob is a little more difficult to read, but I can sense it. Now, let’s put some concealer on under those eyes.” 

And so the day began and Renesmee was a bundle of nerves, waiting for Jacob to return from the shop. Carlisle, however, came home first. He gave Esme a quick kiss and everyone could read the mild apprehension on his face. 

“What’s going on?” Esme asked, her eyebrows pushing together in concern. The rest of the family watched him as well, fearing the worst given the past. Renesmee didn’t like to think of her own danger before the Volturi came to Forks. 

Carlisle laid his briefcase on the table. “Some co-workers of mine more or less invited themselves and their wives over for dinner tonight because they want see our place, meet the family. And I couldn’t exactly refuse given they probably think we’re strange enough already. This way I figured we can at least satisfy their curiosity enough to put some of these rumors to rest.” He paused, his eyes going to Renesmee and he looked at her with great sympathy. “However, that means Ness here will have to stay away for the night. I’m sorry, darling, I know you hate this.” 

Renesmee wanted to groan. Though it had only happened a handful of times over the years, she did hate this, being hidden away from visitors and left out. She understood and accepted why: she didn’t easily fit into their cover story right now. If someone saw her, looking one age, but then saw her the very next time looking significantly older, people would become suspicious and then they’d have to leave much sooner than would be necessary otherwise. So, until she was full grown and frozen in time, it would be much easier, easy being relative, if she wasn’t seen. They could fit her into their narrative later. There were of course the other Aro-related reasons for keeping her way from people. 

It then dawned on her what this would mean: a night with Jacob. That’s where they always sent her when this happened, to hang out with Jacob so she wouldn’t have to be alone and so he could ensure nothing happened. Tonight, they needed to talk about everything anyway and this would be ideal as no one could interrupt or listen in, too busy entertaining guests and pretending to be as human and normal as possible. It would just be them. Perfect. 

She tried not to smile to widely, especially when her Father gave her his stern look. “I’ll be okay, I suppose. Jake and I can find something fun to do.” 

Emmett smirked, folding his arms across his chest. “I think that’s what Edward and Bella are most afraid of.” 

Renesmee’s cheeks burned bright red. Family and public humiliation. 

Jasper shook his head. “You just don’t know when to quit.” 

Alice’s nose had crinkled. “You think he’d know by now. Men can be so disrespectful.” 

Bella shoved Emmett, roughly, with one hand. “Quit making sex jokes about my daughter!” She shoved him again. Edward smiled, watching with pride. 

Emmett looked to Rosalie for help, but she shook her head. “You walked into that one.” 

Renesmee stood up from her seat at the counter, grabbing her copy of Macbeth that she was supposed to have been reading, but could not focus on. Nerves. “Well, I’ll get out of your way and go wait for Jacob. Bye,” 

Her parents cut her off, exchanging looks, then focusing on her. Her Father spoke first: “I hope this conversation goes well for you, but the world will not end if it doesn’t.” 

Renesmee frowned, worried again about what Jacob would have to say her and how he may feel. Worse nerves. 

Her Mother nodded. “He’s right. The world will not end over a boy.” 

Renesmee looked between her parents then, eyebrows raising. She loved them to death, but weren’t they ones who broke up for a few months and entered the world’s worst depression, her Mother acting about as reckless as possible without actually dying? Sometimes, Alice told her things; she liked gossip. “You guys see the irony in this, right?” 

They weren’t amused by her teasing. Her Mother escorted her out the door towards the path that lead to Jacob’s cottage. “Do as I say, not as I do, okay? Have fun tonight.” 

Jacob’s cottage sat on the edge of the property, by the road, but surrounded by trees. Renesmee remembered that he’d chosen that spot specifically so he could see who came and went from the residence, always on the lookout for danger. Truly, his guard never went down and his protection, one of many constants in her life, never ended. 

It only being early evening, he had yet to return from the shop. Renesmee let herself inside, comfortable in his space despite only having been in there on a handful of occasions. The cottage was cozy, but spacious and had a loft-style upstairs of where Jacob slept (in an unmade bed) and kept his clothes (crudely folded); it could be seen from below. The main floor consisted of a bathroom, small kitchen and a living room, no wall separating the latter two. The living room had everything Jacob liked: a game table, a tv, a leather couch and a massive shelf that housed books, photographs and Jacob’s other junk, including collectible cars. Renesmee liked it all except the couch because, like Alice, she thought it looked horrendous with the wooden walls. But Jacob liked it and at the end of the day that was much more important to her. 

Renesmee settled herself down on the couch, anxious and excited again. Her heart was nearly jumping out of her chest. What would come of this conversation? 

After she’d worried herself into a near panic, she heard the sound of Jacob’s motorcycle outside the house; he’d seen the light on and had probably talked with her parents on the phone. Though she wanted to go out and greet him like always, her nerves kept her in place. Moments later, Jacob entered the cottage, dropping his keys on a table by the door. “Hey, Ness,” was all he managed to get out, but Renesmee could see in his eyes that he was glad to see her. “How was your day?” 

She forced herself to stand, clearing her throat to get rid of the sandpaper feeling she had. When she spoke instead of just showing him her memories, he seemed surprised: “Very, very long. Carlisle has company tonight, which means no Loch Ness monster in sight.” 

Jacob nodded, then ventured into the kitchen where he grabbed a bottle of water. Renesmee followed and he gave her one as well. He jugged his down. “That’s what your Mom said. I know you hate it when this happens, but we can find something to do. I don’t know what, but maybe I’ll think of something if you give me a minute.” 

He was avoiding talking about yesterday, a habit that annoyed her in anyone including herself, and she realized she’d have to initiate the conversation. Heart racing, again. She bit down on her lip, then went for it. “It might not be the most fun thing we’ve ever done, but we could talk about what happened... at the waterfall.” As if she really needed to clarify. 

Jacob threw his empty water bottle into the recycling bin. He avoided her eyes. “Yeah, that’s a good place to start.” 

Renesmee touched his hand, hesitantly, and looked up at him, admiring the way the soft glow of the kitchen light touched his features. His eyes were so warm and they made her feel brave. “Jake, do you like me?” 

He tucked some hair behind her ear, his movements ever so gentle. “Of course I like you. You’re my best friend.” 

“You know that’s not what I meant. As much as I’ve tried to hide it, how I feel is pretty obvious,” She held her breath a moment, her own heart beat so loud in her ears she thought she’d go deaf. “We almost kissed yesterday and I still want us to, for real this time.” 

Jacob dropped his hand, a sigh escaping his lips. He closed his eyes, then looked at her, his gaze intense. “I can’t say that I don’t want to kiss you right now, but-” 

She felt her chest begin to ache, dread sinking into her. She tried to joke her way through it. “But, my second most hated B word.” 

He squeezed her hand, tighter this time. His words came out rapid, but pained: “Look, I can’t kiss you because you’re still so young and so inexperienced-you’re not even fully grown yet for God’s sakes. I would be taking advantage of a crush you have that will probably fade once-” 

Renesmee jerked back from Jacob, dropping his hand like it burned her, as she felt indignation grow inside her. “This isn’t just a crush, Jacob, I have real feelings for you.” 

He sighed again, reaching for her again, but she wouldn’t let him. “How can you know that, honestly? And even if they were, that doesn’t make my first point just go away.” 

He was right about that, her being young, but her pride and her stubborn nature would not allow her to concede that, not ever. Crossing her arms, she bit back, “My birthday is in less than two weeks, I’ll be full grown then.” 

Jacob became agitated then, his stance defensive. “And that’s supposed to make you suddenly ready to be with me? You’re still inexperienced and I still couldn’t be with you.” 

Renesmee felt her frustration bring tears to her eyes. She wasn’t used to not getting her way from the people in her life, especially Jacob, who normally bent over backwards to please her. In some corner of her mind, she supposed she thought she’d tell him how he felt and if he felt the same, they’d just magically be together without any issue. How delusional. How naïve. When people called her a brat, they were right. She choked on her words: “So, what are you saying, that we can’t ever be together because I’m just a kid who doesn’t know what real feelings are?” She understood now what her parents had said about not letting it be the end of the world, but it felt like that. 

Jacob shook his head with such defiance that it brought her some comfort. He seemed so antagonized to be hurting her like this, his body tensed and lips set in a frown. “No, that’s not what I’m saying at all. Please, hear me out, okay? I’m saying that I’m older than you and that I’m the only guy you’ve ever been around who isn’t your Uncle or grandfather or something.” 

She stared down at the tiles on the floor, unable to meet his eyes. He was wrong about the last part, could feel it in her heart each time she looked at him or thought of him. She had to make him see that. “Jacob, this isn’t just a stupid crush that I got because I’m some sheltered little girl who has never been around other guys. I thought it might be at first, but it’s not. I know it’s not. And yes, I may not have any experience, but I honestly care about you.-I honestly want you. I want you so badly.” 

Jacob lifted her chin, caressing the skin with his thumb. Was he giving into her? Their brown eyes met in a powerful gaze that made her knees feel weak. They stood as close as they had the below the waterfall, mere inches between them. She could feel his heart beat again. Slowly, Jacob pulled Renesmee into his arms and she rested her head against his chest, breathing in that rugged smell of his she loved so much. She felt like the safest girl on the planet as he held her in his arms, which were wrapped around in her a warm embrace. He stroked her hair and spoke softly into her ear: “I have feelings for you, too, believe me. I want you, too. Please don’t doubt that or me, think I’m jerking you around-that’s the last thing I would ever want. And someday, we can be together, if you still want me. I promise. But for now, things have to go slow. I mean really, really slow.” 

She raised her head to look at him, wondering how tortuous this may be. She'd never been a patient girl. “How slow are we talking?” 

. “Slower than you in a race.” 

“Whatever you say.” She shoved his arm, but the adoration never left her eyes, even with tears in them. “Does this mean you’re mine and I’m yours?” She was only somewhat teasing. Maybe she could change his mind. 

Jacob cleared at his throat and she could tell he liked her words, but he shook his head. “This means we like each other and we’re not rushing anything. You are still very much your own and even if we get together, I don’t see that ever changing. You’re bossy.” 

Not rushing anything would be the death of her, she decided as she stared at Jacob’s lips. “When we're together,” she corrected him, her expression confident and matter-of-fact. The tears finally faded. 

“Okay, when we get together.” He cracked a smile, then added, "Someday." 

“Are we allowed to kiss?” 

He somehow became even firmer on this point. “No,”

She pouted her lips at him, her voice coming out more whiny than she intended. “Why not?” 

“Because I want it to be special and I don’t consider us in my kitchen, listening to your stomach growl, special. C’mon, I’m making you dinner.” 

 

Later, they sat on Jacob’s couching, eating burgers and homemade french fries he’d prepared, and watched a baseball game together. Since her family liked to play, it was the only sport Jacob never had to explain to her. 

Renesmee sat her half-empty plate down on the coffee table and Jacob looked at her, his face becoming concerned. “You alright? I’ve never seen you not finish your food before.” 

She shrugged her shoulders. “Yeah, just full,” This was weird for her, too. 

Jacob nodded slowly. “If your appetite isn’t better in a few days, I’d talk to Carlisle.” 

Always so protective of her. Always so worried for her well-being. 

They continued to watch the game, curled up on the couch together like they always did, but with new subtext and it was obvious to her; things had forever changed as of today and they would never revert back. Time passed quickly, stretching into night and still they stayed that way. Exhausted from not sleeping the night before after finally finishing her painting, Renesmee felt her eyes begin to droop shut and she couldn't stop them from doing so. Finally, she gave in and rested her head against Jacob's chest, her legs stretched out on the other side of her. The warmth radiating off his body meant she didn't even need a blanket, but he pulled one off the back of the couch and covered her legs regardless. It was so easy to feel safe with him, like that was how nature intended for it to be. As she drifted off to sleep with Jacob stroking her hair, she couldn't help but wonder how someone as sturdy and strong as Jacob could be so soft. She snuggled closer to him, craving his heat, and he kissed the top of her head. 

Things weren’t exactly where she wanted them to be with Jacob, but he did have feelings for her and he did want her. That was enough to make her endlessly happy. For now. 

The next thing she knew was the sensation of being lifted. Mind still foggy, her eyes opened partly to see Jacob had her in his arms and they were outside, heading for the main house. The night was dark, but millions of stars sparkled in the sky, a masterpiece of eternity in the forest. "Go back to sleep," Jacob said and kissed her forehead again. She only nodded, too tired to protest and tell him she could walk. And then he handed her off to her Father, the heat replaced with the chill she associated with home, but the feeling of being safe never fading. 

Her Father carried her up bed and pulled the covers up over her body, kissing her cheek afterward. "Goodnight, sweetheart," 

And she drifted off into a dreamless sleep with the promise of someday and a new experience in her mind to be used to create.


	5. where they left off and the birthday begins

The remaining days leading up to Renesmee’s birthday passed the same way the ones before had: lessons, art, family time and Jacob. 

School remained relatively boring and tedious and she finished Macbeth. Such a brutal story. No happy endings. Esme tried her best to make academia enjoyable, but even then, Renesmee dreaded it and she wished it wasn’t that way. She just wanted to work on her art. 

During this time, her art gained the depth she’d been searching for and lost it in the next breath. She didn’t understand how that was possible, how the emotional connection could be there only to fade away. She spent hours painting, desperately trying to find it as she worked on her latest pieces and gaining satisfaction only from a few. Frustration had begun to eat away at her nerves. The only silver lining was that she’d managed to complete a painting for Jacob to her liking, though it wasn’t La Push. 

Her family, her Mother and Father in particular, became all the more overbearing. They watched her like they were on a hunt, her their prey though they didn’t intend to hurt her, especially when Jacob was around. But they tried to be secretive about it, pretend they weren’t, but she knew. An appointed babysitter replaced any fragment of alone-time she’d ever had. It felt like they were trying to protect her and savor every moment with her they had left. She didn’t quite understand this. Sentiment at her being grown and worry about her budding relationship with Jacob, perhaps. 

And of course there was Jacob himself. At first, she wasn’t left alone with him anymore and that had been equally humiliating and infuriating. She and Jacob wanted to go for a run? Uncle Jasper tagged along or maybe Uncle Emmett. She and Jacob wanted to watch some action movie he was excited about? Well, apparently so did Grandpa Carlisle and Grandma Esme. She wanted to paint and Jacob wanted to watch? Her Father and Mother decided they wished to take a romantic stroll within earshot. Renesmee got an impulse to want to bake cookies with Jacob in the kitchen? Suddenly Aunt Alice and Aunt Rosalie, the least two domestic women on the planet, wanted to help. There were no more waterfall visits, which probably hurt the most. It was so transparent and everything went like this, her seeing right through their defenses. However, she never complained to her family, always so in control of herself. Her Father couldn’t even see it in her thoughts, but she knew Jacob could sense her unhappiness. 

One day, after Renesmee saw her parents and Jacob having an intense conversation, the supervision suddenly stopped and the two of them were allowed to be alone again. 

They were on a walk in the woods one day, Jacob in his human form, when she decided to ask him about it. “What did you say to my parents, anyway?” 

He stopped and their hands brushed together, making Renesmee’s heart flutter. He looked down at her, shrugging his shoulders. She could sense his discomfort, making her more curious. “Just that we’re taking it very slow and that I would never do anything to hurt you, so they could quit with the helicopter family routine.” He rolled his eyes then. 

“And they just accepted it?” 

“Pretty much, with a few threats.” Jacob started walking again, Renesmee struggling to keep up given the height difference. 

Renesmee’s eyebrows came together as the conversation brought her back to a recurring question: why were her parents being so accepting of what was happening with her and Jacob? They were just going with it, no freak-outs. It was so weird to her. She voiced this to Jacob. 

He repeated what Aunt Rosalie had said. “I guess they saw it coming, us being best friends and all, and I guess they just want you to be happy.” 

“They do want that.” Renesmee watched Jacob, a smile playing on her lips and adoration in her eyes. A sharp jawline. Tan skin. Warm eyes. Dark hair. Beautiful. 

Their relationship had changed in a few, small ways, but the difference was there. They had yet to kiss, but they did walk closer together than before and their hands often met in the middle, fingertips brushing and he’d hold her hand. When they sat side by side, their legs often touched and sometimes she propped hers up on him. Her head usually found its way to his chest or his shoulder. In addition, Jacob brought her flowers daily, either wild ones he picked in the morning on the way to the main house or others he’d pick up from the store on his way home from the auto shop. On those days, there was usually another gift as well, perhaps a box of chocolates or a scented candle. His sweetness was endless. 

Renesmee’s birthday arrived on a warm, sunshine filled day and it thrilled her. She awoke to the sound of her parents standing by her bead, singing happy birthday softly and holding a tray with her favorite breakfast: buttermilk pancakes with fresh berries and a glass of almond milk. She sat up against the pillows, grinning. When the song finished, her parents each pressed a kiss to her forehead. 

“Happy birthday, honey. You’re officially grown, but still our little girl.” her Mother said, sitting down on the bed beside her as she ate. 

“Thanks you guys. Nice singing, by the way. You should start a music group,” she said in between bites. 

“Like the Partridge family?” her Father laughed and she nodded her head. 

There was a knock on the door, then it opened and Rosalie, Alice and Esme appeared in the room, each with a gift in hand. Alice pranced forward and handed Renesmee the small gift wrapped box. “I don’t have long, what with all the setting up, but happy birthday my dear niece and this is only the beginning of your special day and of your gifts.” 

Her parents spoke in unison, sharing a knowing smile: “Our gift will come later.” 

Renesmee undid the ribbon and carefully peeled back the wrapping paper. She lifted the box lid and a small, delighted gasp left her lips. It was a pair of beautiful diamond studded earrings that glittered in the low light of her bedroom. They had to have cost a fortune. “Oh, Aunt Alice, they’re beautiful. Thank you so much.” 

“You’re welcome. Oh, they’re going to look so lovely with your dress, which we will open later. I just can’t wait.” 

Next, Rosalie swept in with her gift for Renesmee, a knowing smile on her lips. She opened it and found a new, massive set of oil paints and brushes. It was magnificent. Her Aunt knew her so well. Renesmee couldn’t even voice how happy she felt and instead just hugged her Aunt tightly, pressing her hand against her cheek in order to show her. 

Esme stepped forward with her gift and handed it to Renesmee. “Alice and I coordinated. It’s to go with your dress.” 

Renesmee lifted the box lid after riding it of the paper and her eyes met a pair of nude stilettos. Louis Vuitton. She lifted them out and inspected them appreciatively. “Thank you so much. I love them. I love it all.” She hugged each one of them. 

Her Father shoved his hands in his pockets and remarked, “Heel is a little high on those.” Bella shoved his arm with a roll of her eyes. 

Alice looked at Edward in disbelief. “They’re only four inches.” 

He snorted. “Only.” 

Renesmee finished off the remainder of her breakfast. “Relax, Dad. I wear heels all the time. I can manage.” She climbed out of bed and grabbed her robe, wrapping it around herself before disappearing into the bathroom, then her walk-in-closet to get ready. Her family filed out one by one. 

When she’d just finished applying her perfume there was a knock on the door. Carlisle poked his head, his eyes finding Renesmee’s in her vanity mirror as he smiled at her. “Happy birthday, my dear. From what I’ve heard, it’s shaping up to be a grand one, even with Alice driving everyone crazy downstairs. I’m also here to inform you that there is a gift waiting downstairs for you.” 

Jacob. Her eyes lit up. She practically tore out of the room in her excitement, taking the steps three at a time. Jacob, who stood in the living room with his back turned to the stairs, turned at the sound. A grin formed on his face and he exclaimed, “Happy Birthday, Nessie!” Caught up in her glee, she ran into his arms and he lifted her off the ground, spinning her around in the air as she laughed. “So, what did you get so far?” 

Renesmee pressed her hand to his face, the scratchiness of the beard he’d been growing feeling wonderful against the smooth skin of her hand, and showed him her gifts: earrings, art supplies and heels. Jacob nodded, face impressed. He kept her hand in place a moment holding it there with his own “And what are you getting me, Mr. Black?” 

.“Who said I was getting you a gift? Man, you are spoiled.” But he was still grinning, clearly teasing. 

“You always get me a birthday present. In fact, you’ve been giving me presents on other days lately, too.” 

Jacob whacked his hand to his forehead. “Huh, I really am part of the reason you’re so spoiled.” 

“Oh, honey, you’re at least half of it,” She laughed, scrunching her nose at him. “Seriously, what did you get me?” 

“Be patient and I’ll show you.” Jacob chuckled, then gently pushed Renesmee ahead of him. He placed his hands over her eyes, shielding her vision, but instructing her to close her eyes anyway. He lead her out the front door, Renesmee bouncing in place in excitement, and through the yard towards his cottage. After positioning her right where he wanted her in the small clearing, near a creek from what she could hear, Jacob removed his hands and placed them on her shoulders. "Okay, Ness, open your eyes.” 

And she did. Renesmee looked around, stunned, her eyes widening as she took in what Jacob had done for her. Tears pricked her eyes and she bit down on her lip. He’d bought sand, bags and bags of it, and poured it along the creek bank, creating what looked like her own little beach. Atop the white sand, there was a long, fold out chair perfect for sunbathing and a volleyball net. A small stereo sat beside the chair, playing what she supposed the ocean waves beating against the shore would sound like. Sunshine managed to glitter in through the treetops, creating a perfect glow. She felt Jacob watching her, waiting for her to say something, but all she could do was stand there, still shocked. He’d went to all this trouble for her. He’d done all this to make her happy, give her the one thing she wanted. 

Finally, Jacob couldn’t stand the suspense any longer and he began to speak, rapidly, “Do you like it? I know it’s not a real beach or anything close to what a real one is like, but I thought I‘d try to give you one as best as I could since I know you want to go so badly-” 

She cut him off and threw her arms around him, hugging him tightly. Her heart felt like it would explode. “Stop. This is perfect, it’s more than that.” She pulled back, her hands resting on his lower back above his waist. Even through his shirt, his skin was warm. “This is the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me, Jacob, and I’ve had dozens of vampires ready to die to prove I’m not an evil immortal child.” 

Jacob kissed her forehead, his lips lingering a moment that she savored. “I’m so glad you like it.” 

“Of course I do. You worked so hard on this for me, just so I could finally be on a beach.” She rested her head against his chest, sighing happily. “It may be too early to say this and I could be jinxing the party, but this is the best birthday ever and it just started.” 

“I’ll make sure it stays a good birthday, Ness. You up for a game of volleyball? I’m sure I could beat you.” He smirked, challenging her. 

Her competitive streak rose to the surface. “Oh, you’re on.” 

 

By the time they finished playing volleyball, both of them hot and sweaty, it was time to start getting ready for the party. When they reached the lawn, where Alice was having Edward and Jasper adjust a set of white lights, she let out a gasp when she took in Renesmee’s appearance. Rushing forward, she looked her up and down, inspecting her clothes and body. “What were you doing? Rolling in the dirt?” 

Emmett laughed from several feet away where Rosalie had him moving some tables to more ideal locations under her direction. “Oh, I bet they were.” 

Edward and Jacob growled in unison, shouting at him, but Jacob had gained a flush to his cheeks. Renesmee crossed her arms at her Uncle, giving him her meanest of glares. 

Alice, the peacekeeper, stepped in. “Alright, boys let’s not have a scene on Ness’ birthday. C’mon, Rose, let’s go get Bella and Esme so she can get ready. I need her to see this dress.” 

Jasper chuckled, watching Alice fondly. “Is this party for Ness or Alice? One just never knows.” 

Before Renesmee could even wave to Jacob, Alice had her hand and was dragging her into the house and up the stairs. All the women of the family gathered in her bedroom, armed with makeup brushes, curling irons, hair spray and palettes of all shapes, sizes and brands. After Renesmee had showered, moisturized and pulled on her bathrobe, Alice sat her down in front of her vanity. And the work began. 

“Oh, this is so much fun. Ness, your party is going to be amazing and you, my dear, are going to look like royalty.” Alice said as she began to blow dry Renesmee’s hair, adding products that Renesmee couldn’t even pronounce as she did so. 

Bella smiled at her daughter in the mirror. “You’re already a princess in my eyes. This stuff is just extra.” 

“Thanks, Mom. I love you.” 

Once Alice was finished with the hair-dryer, Rosalie and Esme each grabbed a curling iron and went after her thick, unruly hair. They styled her hair into long curls, pulling it into a half-ponytail in the back, and left enough in the front to frame her face. Even in this state, her hair still fell just past her shoulder blades, the tips right above her waist. Next came the makeup and they gave Renesmee a dramatic, full faced look. She peeked at herself in the mirror and nearly jumped, the girl she saw looking so much older than her with the contoured cheeks and eyes made to pop with brown eyeshadow, lips a deep maroon. 

“Wow,” she breathed, inspecting the look carefully. “I’m hot. Good job, you guys.” 

Laughter broke out. Alice went to the closet and retrieved a white box with a golden bow on top. Renesmee turned and clapped her freshly manicured hands, deliriously happy she was finally getting to see the dress. Her Mother, Aunt and Grandmother all gathered closer, if it all possible, as Alice placed the box in her hands. She carefully lifted the lid, her mouth forming a soft “o” as she took in the fabric for the first time. Slowly, she removed the dress and they all took in its glory. 

A deep maroon, it was an off the shoulder floor length gown with a sweetheart neckline that dipped in and extended in a smooth line half way down her stomach, showing off more cleavage than she ever had before. Extending from the chest to the waist and further down past where her thighs would be, the gown was beaded and had beautiful, delicate roses hand-stitched on it. The entire dress looked hand-stitched and the fabric seemed expensive, excellent quality. All and all, it was the most beautiful dress she’d ever seen and likely the most expensive, too. 

“Oh, Aunt Alice, it’s perfect. Thank you so much.” She embraced Alice, struggling to hold her gratitude in to keep from crying. 

Alice smirked. “Told you the surprise would be worth it.” 

She nodded enthusiastically and began to dress. 

 

When she was finally dressed and pampered to Alice’s liking, Renesmee stood in her bedroom and waited to go outside. Dusk had fallen, though one could hardly tell even from the window due to the sheer number of lights Alice had hung up. The yard twinkled like a fairy and it was dream-like. 

Only Rosalie had remained with her for the moment, wanting to have a private conversation with Renesmee before the party began. Rosalie sat on the bed, dressed in her own baby-blue gown with her hair styled up, and watched Renesmee fondly. “You’ve grown up so much, so fast. First, starting things with Jacob and now reaching full maturity. It doesn’t seem real. I remember holding you the night you were born, thinking I’d never had so much love in me before. How even though I was immortal, I’d never get enough time with you.” 

Renesmee smiled, somewhat sadly. She had that memory too, her first memory of Aunt Rose, then Jacob coming in too; her first memory of him, holding her gaze. She touched her Aunt’s face and replayed the memory. Rosalie closed her eyes and lost herself in it. 

The moment passed and Rosalie motioned for Renesmee to join her. She seemed somewhat uncomfortable, but pushed herself through it. “This may be a little awkward to talk about, especially with your parents-let’s face it, they’re, your Mom, are awkward enough. But one day, you and Jacob, or even you and someone else, could take your relationship to the next level…..a physical level...and I want you to know, if you have any questions, you can talk to me. About any of it. I want you to feel comfortable and I want you to be prepared. Sex is a good, normal thing and to enjoy it, you need to know all about it.” 

Renesmee felt her face burn red, but she appreciated the sentiment. Her parents would never talk so openly about sex with her, even if they weren’t so discrete in doing it in the room down the hall from hers. “Thanks, Aunt Rosalie. You’re a cool aunt. Actually, you’re like a second mother to me, you know that?” 

Rosalie beamed. “You don’t know what hearing you say that means to me.” 

They hugged and were only interrupted by Alice, dressed in a lavender ball gown. “Alright, ladies, it’s show time. All of your guests have arrived, thank God.” 

Renesmee stood and smoothed her dress. “Who all did you invite, anyway?” 

Alice smiled. “That is a surprise as well.” 

Renesmee followed Alice down the stairs, Rosalie behind her, hands shaking for reasons she couldn’t figure out. They slipped out the back door onto the deck looking into the yard. It looked like something out of a fairytale. There were white lights everywhere, on trees, the house and shrubs alike, giving the place a romantic glow. White and red roses decorated the lawn while a single white candle, surrounded by red rose petals, served as the centerpiece on each white-cloth covered table. An ice sculpture of a dove sat proudly near tables lined with gourmet food and the grandest and sweetest looking cake Renesmee had ever seen. A flat, wooden platform had been installed, primarily for dancing and also balance, and they’d even hired a classical orchestra to play since Renesmee was now full grown. It looked like a ball suited for a princess. 

Her eyes found Jacob first, dressed in tux with a maroon tie that conveniently matched her dress. Breathless as he watched her, his eyes remained transfixed and his mouth agape as she stepped out onto the floor. She smiled softly at him, heart racing more than ever before. She saw her parents, her Mother dressed in forest green and elegant. If they could cry, Renesmee realized, they would be. They smiled and stepped forward to greet her, each taking an arm. 

Her Father leaned in and whispered to her, “You look beautiful.” 

“Thank you, Daddy.” 

There stood Jasper. Emmett. Carlisle. Esme. No surprises there. 

However, as Renesmee scanned the group, her other guests nearly knocked her off her feet. She couldn’t believe they were here! 

Grandpa Charlie, Sue on his arm. Seth and Leah. Their family from the North. 

A grinning Charlie approached them, hugging Bella and Renesmee, only nodding at Edward. “My you’ve grown,” he said in disbelief, studying her and shaking his head. He looked at Bella and shook his head again. “And you haven’t changed at all. This is still so weird. I really should have taken an aspirin.” 

Renesmee talked with Charlie awhile longer, getting an update on his life before giving her Mother some time alone with him, knowing she’d want that. As the guest of honor, and for the first time in her life, Renesmee was the social butterfly. She was passed around like a bottle of booze, each person enjoying her company more than the last. It was wonderful to have some many people around with their stories and personal adventures. She relished in it and their attention. How she’d missed these people. 

Finally, she got back to Jacob, who had a overflowing plate in his hands.. He still seemed amazed by her, his eyes never leaving her for a second. “Ness, you look so beautiful. You are so beautiful. Wow.” 

Heart racing again. Cheeks flushing again. She should be used to this reaction. “Thanks. You look pretty good, too. Fancy suits you.” 

Jacob rolled his eyes, then glanced down at her feet. “You wanna sit? Those look a little uncomfortable.” 

She nodded and he lead her to a table where Seth sat, talking with Jasper. They joined them and Seth was in the middle of telling a story about something that had happened at college as he sipped on white wine. Renesmee tuned in immediately, always a fan of a good adventure. Seth smiled at them and continued to talk eagerly: “So after we got all this snow, I’m talking two or three feet, we grabbed some sleds and decided it would be fun to go onto the roof of our two story house, which was slanted downward like a slide and icy, and go off it into the snow below. Talk about cold.” 

Renesmee laughed, leaning into Jacob as she did so. “That sounds so fun. Is college like that all the time?” 

Seth shook his head, finishing his glass. “Nah, but there’s always something a little crazy happening, especially when the beer comes out. Her eyebrows rose. She’d never had alcohol before, not that it would affect her all that much in the end. “College is a blast, even if I wanna die half the time. You’d like it though, Ness.” 

Jacob rolled his eyes and folded his arms across his chest. She recognized the look in his eyes: defensive mode. “Oh, yeah, she’d just love hanging out with a bunch of rude, wasted Frat guys who can't keep their hands to themselves. Not to mention all the research papers.” 

Jasper attempted to hide a smile. “Ness isn’t that invested in studies, after all.” 

“I think Jacob is just jealous of a little competition,” Seth replied with a laugh. 

Jacob leaned over and shoved Seth. “That’s totally it.” 

Renesmee shook her head at their antics, taking Jacob’s hand in her own and squeezing it. “I think I’d enjoy college if I could study something I liked, such as art. Plus, I like the idea of all the freedom and craziness.” Her voice took on a wishful tone, her mind wandering from the party. She pictured herself on a beach, then in a big city during a street party. What fun. “Seth, could you tell me some more stories about you and your friends?” 

However, before Seth could launch into another tale, Edward approached the table, extending his hand to Renesmee. ”May I have this dance?” 

“Well, of course.” She stood, taking her Father’s hand and following him out onto the dance floor. 

They slow danced, Renesmee looking up at her Father even in her heels. Her Father watched her, a soft smile on his face. “Are you having fun?” he asked, giving her a small twirl. 

“Best night of my life,” Renesmee replied, taking in the scenery again. She would have to paint it, she decided. 

“I saw Jacob’s gift for you and had been reading it on his mind for weeks. Very thoughtful of him. I know you liked it.” 

“It was the best gift I’ve ever gotten. He knows me so well, Daddy.” 

“He’s been your friend for a long time and I know he cares very deeply about you.” 

“Is that why you decided to let him spend more time with me alone? You knew you could trust him?” 

“I’ve always trusted Jacob with you. I know he’d never do anything to hurt you or let anyone else. I just let some overprotective Dad paranoia blind me.” 

Renesmee had to laugh at the terminology. “Jacob takes very good care of me.” 

“Her Father nodded his head. "Speak of the devil.” 

Jacob approached them and Renesmee noticed a slower, more romantic song had come on. The orchestra played beautifully. He cut his eyes to Edward, hands in his pockets. “Mind if I cut in?” 

“Certainly,” he said and stopped only to kiss Renesmee’s head. 

Once Edward disappeared out of sight, Jacob looked down at Renesmee, brown eyes soft with a twinkle in them. He held out a hand to her. “Dance with me, birthday girl?” 

Eagerly, she nodded and Jacob pulled her close to him and they met in the middle. On instinct, she wrapped her hands around his neck and he placed his just above her waist. She could feel his heartbeat, the warmth radiating off his body. It took her back to the waterfall and she wished to kiss him here for everyone to see. As they swayed together in the night air, Renesmee rested her head against Jacob’s chest. She never wanted to leave here. 

“I know I keep saying it, but I’ll never get used to how beautiful you are,” Jacob whispered into her ear, voice low and rough. It made her shiver. “You’re a work of art.”

Her cheeks flushed and she swore her knees went weak. His charms never failed to get to her, especially in their sincerity. “You make me feel like the most beautiful girl in the world.” 

“Because you are. No one, mortal and immortal alike, compares to you. Not to me.” 

Renesmee clung tighter to him, suddenly afraid he’d slip away from her. She looked up at him, her desperate gaze finding his lips. “Jacob, I want to kiss you right now.” 

Instead of answering immediately, he leaned down and pressed a chaste kiss to the corner of her mouth, leaving her wanting more. “Not my moment yet. It will come.” 

She sighed, her lips pouting. “Not soon enough.” 

"Patience is a virtue." 

"Screw virtue."


	6. trouble cuts in

After her dance with Jacob came to an end, her thoughts still only of kissing him in the moonlight, Charlie joined them on the dance floor. He placed a hand on each of their shoulders, looking between them with a knowing, if put off smile. “Jake, you mind if I dance with my Granddaughter here?” 

Jacob smiled. “Course not. Ness, I’ll be with Seth and Leah if you wanna catch up after.” 

Renesmee nodded her head and watched as Jacob walked off, his eyes fixed on her a moment. Charlie extended his hand to her as a new song came into full swing and they began to dance. 

“So, how are you doing, kid? I mean, honestly.” Charlie asked, taking in the room of mythical creatures around him that, even as they did their own thing, watched her and kept their eyes and ears trained in the event she needed them. 

Renesmee looked up at him in confusion, seeing genuine concern on his face. Why was he so worried about her? Did he know something she didn’t? 

At her expression, Charlie clarified as he gave her a twirl. “Well, it’s just that I’m sure you feel a little….suffocated. I know your Mom and Dad, hell the whole family and even Jake, watch over you like a hawk and you don’t get to do much. It’s gotta feel like you’re living under a microscope or they have you on their own reality tv show.” 

Swallowing the lump that had formed in her throat, she slowly nodded and forced herself to cry. That was exactly what it felt like, but it made them see like such bad people, which they weren’t. “They love me a lot. They just want to keep me safe.” 

Charlie sighed. “I understand that, believe me, but they can’t keep you wrapped up and hidden away by glass like a doll if they want you to have the chance to live any life of your own. One worth something more.” He seemed to be venting long-held frustrations he had with her parents to her. 

One of her own. One worth something more. She loved the way that sounded. 

Charlie continued to talk when she didn’t respond. “I’ve been thinking, Ness, about you and about Forks. The place is home, but it’s kind of lonely even when I’ve got Sue who makes me happier than I thought possible. It’s all just kinda grey and rainy. I’d like you to come visit with me in Forks for a few weeks. We can say you’re a family friend and use a different last name. But just you, Ness. Not the entourage, not even my little girl. You could get away from here for awhile and spend some time out from under the microscope, but I’d be there to look out for you. Quality time with Grandpa Charlie. What do you think? I’d have to ask your parents, of course.” He grinned at her. 

Renesmee, by the end, had gone speechless with glee. A few weeks away from her family? Time to herself? And in Forks, no less. She could finally see La Push, finally know what it felt like to stand with her feet in the sand, smell the ocean air around her. A dream come true. 

She threw her arms around Charlie in a tight hug. “Yes, I’d love to come!” She took him by the hand and dragged him over to where her parents, Jacob, Seth and Leah sat, only the latter three actually talking. 

Her parents were frowning when she reached them, too excited to even notice their expressions. She all but hopped up and down in place, feeling Jacob watch her with a fond smile on his face. “Mom, Dad, did you hear what Grandpa Charlie wants me to do?” 

Edward and Bella nodded slowly and her father spoke first: “Yes, honey, we heard.” 

She talked quickly, wrapped up in her fantasy of what it would be like. “And? Me in Forks for a few weeks with Grandpa Charlie? It sounds awesome, right? My first big trip. God, I’m so excited. Well, what do you think?” 

Her parents exchanged looks again, still looking put-off by the idea. Finally coming down off the initial thrill, Renesmee noticed.This time her Mother spoke: “I don’t know, honey. Your first time away from home without us? Is that really such a good idea?” 

Charlie snorted. “Bells, she’s 18, not 8. And I’ll take care of her.” 

Bella shook her head, face wary, but firm. “Dad, you don’t understand. And I still don’t know how I feel about you going out with me or your Father, Renesmee. You’ve never done that before.” 

Heart sinking, Renesmee looked to Jacob for help, pleading with her eyes. 

Jacob, doing anything to make her happy, spoke up: “Bells, I could always go with them. You know I’ll protect her. And it would be great to see my family again, anyway.” 

Everyone knew that Jacob would protect her, even Charlie, who nodded his head at the words. 

Jacob coming she didn’t mind. In fact, she wanted it. She loved spending time with him, especially now given the change in their relationship, and if she asked for some alone time, he’d give it to her. She’d never deny him the opportunity to see his Father, either. 

Edward spoke then, his tone just as stern as Bella’s had been. “Well, Jacob, you can by all means go visit. But Renesmee won’t be going with you. She’s not ready to be away from us.” 

Renesmee looked at them, mouth slightly parted, as she blinked back tears. They would really deny her this when they did nothing else? She could handle a trip to Forks, being away from them and out from under the microscope. Fury replaced her sorrow. How dare they? Chin lifting, she snapped, “Well, maybe if you gave me the chance to experience the world myself, I would be!” 

And she stormed off toward the house, dress trailing behind her. 

She went up to her room, then crawled out her bedroom window onto the roof. There she sat, by herself, overlooking the lawn. She could still hear the music playing. Feeling sorry for herself, she hugged her knees to her chest and wondered if they’d ever allow her to live her own life, away from them if she so wished it. Doubtful. 

In her mind, she envisioned her next few paintings, something that always made her feel better. She pictured herself disappearing down the road, the world at her feet. Seth flying off a tin roof on a sled, crashing into a thick pile of snow. Her and Jacob riding on his motorcycle in Forks. 

Each idea was so free, so wonderfully free. An idea sprouted in her mind, but she carefully tucked it away so it wouldn’t be discovered by her mind-reading Father in case he was in ear shot. If she wanted to be able to go through with it, he could never know. 

All of a sudden, there was a loud whistle. Renesmee leaned over the edge of the roof and saw her Aunt Rosalie. “Can I come up?” she asked and Renesmee only nodded. Next thing she knew, Rosalie was on the roof with her, smoothing her dress. “I heard about the Forks debacle. I’m sorry, Ness.” 

She shrugged, said it was okay even though it clearly wasn’t. 

Rosalie saw through her. “You have the right to be upset, you know. They’re being quite unreasonable, even if they mean well.” Her voice became soft. “ I understand what it’s like to have your choice taken away. That is never okay.” 

She sighed. “I just want to live my life, Aunt Rose, without them breathing down my neck. Why can’t they just let me do this one thing now?” 

Rosalie wrapped her around Renesmee for a hug. “Maybe they’ll change their minds. Maybe they’ll still let you go, just with them too. Your parents aren’t entirely unreasonable.” 

She scoffed. “Going isn’t the point.” 

A sigh from Rosalie. “I know. I just wanted to make you feel better.” 

“Thanks for trying. I appreciate you so much. Would you mind giving me a few minutes alone?” 

“Of course, I’ll be down at the party if you need me.” And as quickly as she’d leaped onto the roof, Rosalie was gone. 

Renesmee’s mind returned to her great idea. Did she dare go through with it? It seemed so reckless and impulsive, so unlike her controlled self. Maybe that was the point, for her to take some risks and go beyond what she’d been accustomed to. Maybe part of it was just spiting her parents, being as petty as she was. She could do this. 

Her mind was made up. She had to do this. Her parents would never give in, never let her go out on her own. 

She returned to her room and quickly changed into something more suited for what she wanted to do, especially in regard to footwear. A peek in the mirror told her that, with the makeup, she looked old enough to do what she had in mind. 

She needed to act quickly, before she was caught. 

Renesmee creeped down the steps, wondering how no one had come after the guest of honor and center of attention yet. She redirected her thoughts: cake, presents, shoes. Lots of shoes. Hands shaking with anticipation and fear alike, she grabbed the first set of keys she saw. 

She needed to go faster. Run, she told herself. 

Next thing she was aware of, she was behind the wheel of her Mother’s car. Her heart raced. She started the car, nervous since she’d only driven a hand full of times in her life and that had just been in the drive. Cheers to being indestructible. She pulled the hood of her jacket over her head and took off. As she drove off from the house, fast and unsure in her movements, she glanced into the rear view mirror. Her family and guests were watching, not yet realizing what was happening. 

She took a deep breath and booked it. 

When she got down to the end of the lane, passing Jacob’s house, she saw him, a wrapped gift in his hands. Their eyes met and Jacob yelled for her to stop, frozen in place himself. She continued on, guilt filling her. 

She drove faster, then pulled out onto the main road, 

Though she didn’t waste time with sentimentality, this had to be what liberation felt like. 

Renesmee followed the signs into town, flying well above the speed limit and darting dangerously close to the lines and the edge of the road. But she had to put some distance and time between her and her family. She prayed she wouldn’t be pulled over by the police. What would she say? Yes, officer, I stole my Mother’s car and drove off in search of fun, but I can’t give you my name because I don’t technically exist. 

Soon, she was in the middle of town, the darkness making her both weary of and excited for the unfamiliar surroundings. She passed buildings, houses and businesses, People walked the streets, in pairs or groups, rarely alone. They fascinated her. 

It all fascinated her, The sounds, the lights, everything sitting side by side in lines. To anyone else, it was just another lousy small town. To her, it was the grandest place in the world. She’d have to paint it. 

When she saw a Walmart, she pulled in, nearly colliding with another car, and parked, taking up two spaces with her bad work of it. She figured her family would look for the car under the assumption she’d be safely inside it or near it. This bought her time to explore. 

Locking the vehicle and stuffing the keys in her pocket, she set out in walk, tripping every so often because she was more focused on what was around her than where she was going. The air had turned a little nippy, making her grateful she’d grabbed a jacket. But she wanted to get inside and with the late hour, most places were closed. A few minutes later, she came across a bar and grill she remembered her Uncles talking about, the wild times they’d gotten into there. It sure looked lively, with the music coming from it and the people milling about, the parking lot full to capacity. Could be a real adventure, she decided. Could be just scary enough for some fun. 

Renesmee headed for the entrance and slipped inside, the smokey air making her gag at first. Pushing through the mass of people, she approached the counter and, boldly, asked for a beer. 

The lady looked her up and down, then burst out laughing and took a drag of her cigarette. “Good one, kid. How about a a cream soda instead?” 

“Fine.” She took her drink and ventured to the back of bar, searching for a place to sit, but with the crowd, there wasn’t one to be found. 

A tap on her shoulder caused her to turn. Two men, late twenties, stood there, each with a beer in their hand. They smiled at her and for some reason, it made her a little uncomfortable. The taller one with glasses spoke first: “Hey, you’re welcome to sit with us. We’re waiting on girlfriends, you know how girls are when it comes to getting ready and time. What’s your name?” 

“Renesmee.” She managed to get out, noticing the way the other, shorter guy with the beard watched her. 

The first guy chuckled, his eyebrows lifted. “That’s a mouth full. I’m Max. This is my buddy, Ryan. Do you mind if we call you something for short?” 

“Rene is fine,” She replied, not wanting them to call her Ness like Jacob and her family did. 

Though she never said she’d join them, they lead her to their booth and she wasn’t sure how to politely to stop it. Perhaps this would just be fine. They’d been nice enough so far. She took a seat and both of them sat on the other side of the booth, facing her. 

Max continued talking. “OK, Rene. You from around here or passing through?” 

“Passing through,” she lied, but didn’t really know why. It sounded nice. 

Ryan finally spoke up. “Us too.” Max turned to him with a glare. 

Her anxiety returned. “I thought you said you were waiting for your girlfriends.” 

Max stepped in to fix things, waving his hands dismissively. “We are, the four of us are on a little road trip. They’re back at the hotel-we’re staying across the street. Are you? There’s only one hotel in town, but we haven’t seen you.” His tone was suspicious. 

In order to not look like an idiot, she lied again. “I just got here this evening. I’m on the top floor.” Why did deceit come so easily to her? It was a little alarming. 

They accepted that response with nods, starting asking questions about her. Nervous, Renesmee chugged down her soda within a few minutes and gave them the most basic of answers. When her drink was gone, Ryan asked if he could get her another soda since he wanted more beer anyway. Used to having people wait hand and foot on her like that, she accepted his offer and didn’t think anything of it. He returned minutes later with two beers and a cream soda, a different flavor than she’d had before. Ryan handed it to her with soft smile as she began to drink it with eagerness, her mouth dry. 

After a few more minutes of bland conversation, Max’s phone dinged and he clicked on the notification. “Oh, the girls aren’t coming.” He sounded genuinely disappointed. 

Her drink tasted strange. Not bad, just different. Was she getting a headache? Probably the smoke. “How come?” 

“Female issues, you know how it is.” Ryan said even though Max was the one got the message. That was weird. And was Max’s hand on her thigh? She didn’t know for sure. 

And little did she know about “female issues” despite being educated in them. Never a thing for her. She finished off what was left of her drink. 

“That’s too bad.” Her head felt funny, fuzzy. Where was she again? She tried to stand up, wobbling on her feet. “I should get going. I don’t feel so great.” 

Max and Ryan stood and steadied her. That was kind of sweet. “Want us to walk you back to your room?” Max asked, giving her a smile. It made her feel uneasy. 

They never gave her a chance to answer and each took one of her arms. Her limbs and her mind felt too heavy, too blurred to protest, to get away. They lead her out the door and across the street. She looked up and saw the hotel sign, gaining a little clarity. 

“I don’t have a room here,” she told them, tugging at her arms, but they weren't cooperating. “I need to go home and lie down. I’m so tired.” The last sentence came out in a whimper. 

Max attempted to soothe her. “Don’t worry, Rene, we’ll take care of you.” 

Things were so fuzzy. Where were they taking her? 

They entered the hotel through a side door using their key cards and headed for the elevator, practically dragging her with them. This wasn't home. She wanted to go home right now. She wanted Jacob right now. Why couldn’t see think straight, move? 

Ryan pressed the button for the second floor and they were there in a few moments. They opened their room door and Ryan pushed her inside, making her stumble, but Max caught her arms before she hit the floor. Renesmee looked around the room, hearing the door click shut, and was horrified that it was empty with ugly furniture. “Where am I? This isn’t my place.”

Max lead her to the bed, sat her down on it. “You wanna lay down?” 

She tried to stand, but couldn’t. “I wanna go home.” 

“We’re gonna take care of you, Rene. Don't worry.” 

“I don’t want you. I want Jacob. Where is he?” She started to cry. Why wouldn’t they take her home? Why couldn’t she stand up and get out?

Ryan pushed her down onto her back, grabbing at her shirt. She shoved at him, but it was futile. He looked to Max, who grabbed her wrists, and hissed: “I don’t understand. As much as I gave her back there, she should be completely blacked out by now.” 

Max shrugged. “Well, she’s enough out of it, so it doesn’t matter that much.” 

What was happening? What were they doing to her? 

They lifted her shirt, undoing her pants, but it went no further than that. She heard the door burst open and people enter the room, the boys shouting at the sudden intrusion. She managed to push herself onto her elbows, looking around in disorientation. Max and Ryan were ripped away from her, thrown to the floor and the beating began. She squinted, her mind still so fuzzy. Was that her Father? 

And there was Jacob, she realized, being held back by her uncles and Grandpa Carlisle. He growled and tired to break free from their strong grip, demanding they let him the hell go. His body shook in rage. She cried out to him, still too helpless and out of it to move, her voice pitiful and afraid. Jacob struggled harder to escape, his jaw set and murder in his eyes. 

Her Father stood, blood on his hands. Ryan and Max laid motionless on the floor. “Get him out of here before he loses it and changes. Jasper, too, before the blood gets to him and we have a bigger mess. Now!” 

They started to drag Jacob away, Jasper now a prisoner too, but Jacob stopped them. His words came out through clenched teeth: “Edward, please. Let me go to her. I won’t lose it.” 

Renesmee cried out to him again. How had she gotten here? Where had they come from? 

“Fine, but don’t make me regret trusting you.” 

The other men released Jacob and immediately left with Jasper. Jacob went to Renesmee, taking her into his arms and lifting her off the bed to carry her. She buried her face in his neck, mind still so blurry and confused. “Are you hurt?” he asked, then cleared his throat. His grip on her was tight, unwilling to let go. 

She stuttered out an “I don’t think so” before losing consciousness altogether, assured by the fact that she was safe now even if she had no idea what was happening. She just knew that with Jacob, she was always safe.


	7. rising from the ashes

Jacob carried her out and home, only releasing her in the car ride, but keeping her close, his hand holding hers. When they entered the house, the family stayed back despite wanting to ensure her safety. They all knew to stay out of Jacob’s way when he was protecting Renesmee or even thought he was. Her parents and Carlisle trailing behind, Jacob took her to her bedroom and carefully put her to bed. He kissed her forehead. 

Renesmee awoke several hours later in the middle of the night with a splitting headache and fuzzy mind. Her eyelids felt too heavy to open, so they stayed shut. Her Mother sat on one side of the bed, clinging to her hand, and Aunt Rose occupied the other. Carlisle stood at the foot of the bed, discussing something with Grandma Esme in hushed tones. In the hallway, she could hear a heated conversation between her Father and Jacob. She did her best to listen. 

“God, Edward, why shouldn’t I go out there and rip those guys apart for what they did? For what they were gonna do? Do they honestly deserve to live?” Jacob growled out, his voice raised louder than she’d heard it in a long time. Until now, he’d been keeping his temper at bay. 

Her Father’s voice was quieter than Jacob’s, but carried the same bite. “I am just as angry as you are, but how would this be explained? An animal attack in the middle of town? In a hotel? It’s too suspicious. They’ve been taught a lesson, probably have took off by now. Let it go and focus on my daughter.” 

“I can make sure they disappear for good, never to be found. That wouldn’t be a problem. And I can’t just let this go and I am focusing on her. They hurt her. We don’t even know all of what happened since she’s not even awake yet because of whatever drug they gave her.” She heard something, likely Jacob’s fist, making contact with the wall, leaving a massive hole. 

She heard her Father sigh. “Jacob, I can read your thoughts, I know you feel guilty for what happened-” 

Jacob cut him off. “Stop. Don’t try to use my guilt against me, because yeah, I feel like shit about it. I should have been there to protect her. But she wouldn’t have taken off in the first place if you’d dropped the helicopter parent act and let her have some freedom for once in her life. So this is on you and Bella, too.” Edward went silent and Jacob continued. “I’m going for a run. I need to calm down before she wakes up.” 

All Edward replied then, his voice reduced to a whisper, “Stay away from town, Jacob. I mean it.” He entered the room then, sitting beside Bella and tucking a strand of Renesmee’s hair behind her ear. 

She drifted out of it again and awoke to the same scene, the time she guessed to be around dawn. Slowly, head still pounding, she sat up. “What happened?” She asked her family as they each embraced her, expressing their gratitude at her safety and well being. 

Her Mother looked pained. “You don’t remember, honey?” 

Renesmee thought long and hard. Everything after getting to the bar was a kind of a blur, like a dream she couldn’t grasp the next morning. Or, based off their faces, a nightmare. “Not really. Did something bad happen?” 

Her Father looked away, fists clenched. Her internal panic began. 

Carlisle spoke up then as he handed Renesmee a glass of water, which she gulped down greedily. “Perhaps if you tell her what you know that will jog her memory.” 

Silence setting in, no one seemed to want to do it and that annoyed her. Was it that awful? Did they even have to protect her from her own memories? Finally, Aunt Rosalie cleared her throat and said, voice more timid than she’d ever heard it, “I think I should be the one to tell her. Give us the room, please.” 

Slowly, the room cleared out and her Mother was the last to leave, squeezing Renesmee’s hand as she stood. 

Once the door shut and they were alone, Rosalie turned towards Renesmee. “Ness, do you remember the bar?” She nodded her head. “Do you remember anything from the bar?” 

“No, other than that it was crowded and smokey. Oh, and I had a cream soda.” A really strong cream soda. 

Rosalie looked out the window a moment, a look in her eyes that Renesmee didn’t recognize. This seemed so personal and painful to her and that scared Renesmee. “Once we realized that you’d taken off, we all went into town to find you. Jacob saw your Mom’s car at Walmart and Alice couldn’t picture you ever stepping foot in there after everything she'd said about it. There were only a few places you could be given the hour, so we split up and started looking and asking around. At some point, your Dad and Jacob went to the bar. They described you to the bartender and she told them that you’d just left, headed across the street to the hotel with two boys.” She stopped, composing herself though she couldn’t cry. 

The memories started to come back to her. Max and Ryan. Her discomfort. The story they told her about their girlfriends. The headache she got, how she just had wanted to come home. Being all but dragged out of the bar. Getting to the hotel. Renesmee felt sick to her stomach and clenched the sheet in her hands. “And then what happened?” 

Rosalie managed to continue at her words. "They slipped something in your drink at the bar. Drugged you.” Ryan had gotten her another soda. Oh, God. “We all started searching the hotel, listening in, and thank God we found you so quickly. We-they- heard your voice. It was your Dad, Jacob, Jasper, Emmett and Carlisle. The rest of us were on another floor. They said you were on the bed, two guys on top of you pulling at your clothes.” 

The memory came back to her. Her dazed mind. Her fear. Her panic. Her helplessness. Them on top of her, holding her down. Crying out for Jacob. Watching her Father beat them. Jacob being held back, him trying to get her. Carrying her out. 

Renesmee buried her face in her hands. “Oh, God.” 

Rosalie took her in her arms, holding her tightly. “Ness, did they...manage to hurt you?” 

Numbly, she shook her head as tears slipped down her eyes. “No….no…...I’m so embarrassed. I can’t believe I was so stupid and naive.” 

Rosalie’s voice took on a new firmness, her same fire, but stronger. “No. Do not feel ashamed or embarrassed because what of they tried to do you. You are not stupid. It is not your fault. It is never your fault. They are monsters, predators. End of story.” 

Renesmee looked at her Aunt Rosalie, knowing she was right, but seeing something else. This was a passionate topic for her, something she cared deeply about. Out of everyone, she was taking this the most personally. She’d seen it and the despair in her eyes. And then she realized why. “Aunt Rose, did…..were you..raped when you were a human?” 

Rosalie nodded her head, lost in the memory of it for a moment. “By my fiance and his friends one night. They left me for dead on the street and that’s when Carlisle found me, turned me. I’m glad we could save you before it happened.” 

“What happened to them? Were they punished?” She thought back to what Jacob and her Father had discussed earlier, about killing the men who’d done this to her. Did they deserve to live? 

A half-smile came onto Rosalie’s face. “I made sure they suffered. I hunted them down, one by one, and killed them. In my wedding dress. I’m a bit of a drama queen.” 

Renesmee released a shaky breath. “They got what they deserved.” 

“Oh, they deserved even worse. All rapists do.” 

She needed to process this, what happened to her Aunt and what had nearly happened to her. “Can I have some time alone?” 

Rosalie stood, arching her eyebrow. “Are you going to bolt again?” 

“Don’t think I could even if I wanted to.” 

“Very well.” Rosalie stopped by the door. “Ness, it’s going to be alright. I promise.” 

She nodded and sunk down in her blankets, relishing in the quiet of the room. 

How could the world be like this? So full of violent people hurting others for their own gain, their own pleasure. It didn’t seem right. It didn’t seem possible. It terrified her. Her mind wandered to the party. It felt so far away, though it had been less than 24 hours before. Doubt creeped into her mind. Maybe her parents were right. Maybe she wasn’t ready to be away from them. Only two hours alone and she’d nearly been raped, needing to be rescued by her family. 

But her pride reminded her that she’d been fine before that. That what had happened at the bar was beyond her control, something that had happened to her. It wasn’t her fault.   
She was capable of being away from her family, of going to Forks with Charlie and maybe Jacob. They could look out for her and she could look out for herself. She was 18 years old, physically and mentally, and she could handle being out from under Mommy and Daddy’s protection. 

Renesmee thought about what Aunt Rosalie had said about choice, how it should never be taken away; her rape had ingrained that in her mind. She wanted to go to Forks, wanted to go away and experience the world, even with the evil in it. Her choice was getting out, breaking free, and her parents couldn’t stop her. She wouldn’t let them. Determination dominated her and she knew she would not let this go. 

Against her family’s wishes, she showered and dressed herself, but stayed in bed to satisfy them. Things were quiet, especially with her parents, given the fight from the night before, her tantrum and the incident. 

Renesmee wanted to see Jacob, wanted to feel him beside her and with her. She wanted to talk to him about what had happened. Most of all, she just wanted to feel safe, safe in a way that no one but Jacob, not even her Father, could make her feel. The terror from the night before had clung to her from the moment she remembered what had happened. She’d barely gotten through her shower without panicking, wondering when Max and Ryan would jump out and finish what they started. Fear is an irrational, powerful thing.   
When Renesmee had asked her Mother where Jacob was, why he hadn’t come to see her, she’d said he was still on a run, 

Still blowing off steam. Still so angry. 

It was nearly evening when Renesmee heard Jacob’s voice downstairs, his footsteps in the hallway outside her room. When he knocked on her door, then pushed it open, she laid aside the magazine she’d been reading to distract herself. The headache had finally faded. 

He inspected her, looking for some injury or other sign of harm. He seemed troubled, mouth set in a hard line and eyes down. “Hey, Ness.” 

“Hey,” she said softly. “Where have you been?” 

Not moving from the doorway, he stuffed his hands in his pockets. “Went for a run. Saw Leah, Seth and your Grandpa Charlie off.” 

“Left already?” 

He nodded. “Thought it was for the best given the circumstances. They send their love. Charlie said he’d call you when his plane lands and that he still wants you to visit.” Finally, Jacob moved closer to her, taking a seat at the foot of the bed. “You need anything? Some food? A drink?” His eyes landed on her Vogue magazine. "Some better reading material?" 

She stared down at the sheets, tracing the flower patterns. “Well….” 

“Anything. Just tell me what it is and it’s yours.” 

Her eyes met his, expression soft, shy and unsure. “You. I want you. Can you hold me?” 

“Oh, Ness. You didn’t even have to ask.” Jacob crawled up beside her, taking her in his arms, grip tight and protective. She rested her head against his, finally feeling safe again. Max and Ryan couldn’t get her here. He ran his left hand up and down her bare arms, the action soothing. “You feeling any better? You look better. Better than you did last night at least.” He bit down on his lip, grip growing tighter. 

“Headache is finally gone. How was your run?” 

He laughed without humor. “Kept me from completely losing it.” 

She held her breath, not sure the answer she wanted to hear to her next question. “Did you go into town?” 

Jacob tensed beside her, quiet for a moment. “IYes. But they were gone. Your Dad was right. Should have went sooner.” Regret, underlying rage filled his voice. “I’m sorry, Ness.” 

Again, she didn’t know to feel. She only knew that she didn’t want them to hurt anyone else ever again. Maybe she did want them dead. 

When she didn’t respond, Jacob continued talking. “While I’m apologizing, I’m sorry I stayed away, wasn’t fair of me to put my feelings first like that. I know you wanted me here and asked about me.” 

She wasn’t angry with him, knowing how his wolf-side affected his emotions so strongly and that he had to run to keep them in check, to keep from accidentally hurting someone. “Don’t be sorry. I understand, honestly, I’m not just saying that. Jacob…..you helped save me last night. Thank you for being there. I’m sorry I took off-” 

He pressed a desperate kiss to the top of her head, his hands shaking. “Don’t apologize right now. We can talk about it later. I’m just glad that you’re safe.” He paused, gaining control of his voice. “Ness….do you...want to talk about last night, what happened? Only if you want to.” 

She had a better idea, but that would be a lot to take in, to witness. “Can I show you?” 

Jacob hesitated only a second before slowly nodding his head, clearly unsure. With a sharp intake of breath, Renesmee placed her hand on his cheek and showed him all she remembered of the night before. The bar. The cream soda. Max and Ryan. Her headache and dazed mind. Her discomfort. Panic. Fear. Going to the hotel. Telling them she wanted Jacob. Her helplessness. Being forced onto the bed, them on top of her. The rescue. Her talk with Rosalie. Her fear now, the shower panic. She allowed him to see it all, holding nothing back. Trusting him was never a question. 

By the end, she had tears in her eyes. 

Jacob clung to her like he thought she’d disappear before his very eyes. “Bastards deserve to die,” he growled out, body shaking again. 

“All that matters is that I’m okay.” 

He forced himself to nod. “You’re right. I’m never going to let anything happen to you again, okay? I promise. God, I promise.” He kissed her head again, then her forehead and just below her ear. 

And she believed him. 

Jacob spent the rest of the evening holding her, stayed until she went to sleep and even after. Nightmares couldn’t touch her when he was there. 

The next day, Renesmee, physically, was as good as new. The family gathered in silence while Jacob and Renesmee ate breakfast, the tension in the room still present. After twenty minutes of excruciating silence, Renesmee decided to speak, stir the pot. Rest had only solidified her will. “So, I was thinking that Jacob and I could leave for Forks next week sometime.” 

Her parents heads shot up, aghast, and her Father spoke: “You can’t be serious, can you? We already said no. And after the other night? You’ll be lucky if we ever let you out of our sight again. Forks is definitely off the table.” 

Jacob slammed his fork down onto the countertop, jaw set. “Are you blaming her for what happened now? Because that’s real Fatherly of you.” 

Bella jumped to Edward’s defense. “No, of course not. We’re just saying that she isn’t ready to be away from us.” 

The rest of the family watched, waiting for something to happen, waiting to avert whatever crisis arose. To Renesmee, it seemed they spent their entire existence like this. 

Renesmee scoffed, temper rising to the surface. “Like I said at my party, I’d be ready if you gave me the chance to be. And the only reason I ever took off was because you refused to let me go to Forks and I wanted to live a little.” 

How well that had gone, really. Her pride reminded her again that she’d been fine until those boys tried to take advantage of and assault her. 

Edward threw his hands up in the air. “So you acted out because you didn’t get your way? Yes, that mature move has me convinced you’re ready to go into the real world!” 

Her face turned red, her demeanor defensive. “Well, when you’ve gotten your way your entire life, it becomes somewhat of an expectation, Dad.”

He let out a sarcastic laugh at that. “Now we’re not only the bad guys for trying to keep you safe, but for treating you like a little princess, too? This conversation is going nowhere and nothing is going to change my mind or your Mother’s. You’re not going to Forks. End of discussion.” 

Renesmee stood up, fighting the urge to stomp her foot like the child she was trying to prove she wasn’t. Her nerves had her rattled, but she pushed through them. She had to stand up for herself. “Not end of discussion, alright? I’m fully grown now and that means you can’t tell me what to do anymore. I have the right to make my own choices. I will be going to Forks and you can’t stop me.” 

Her parents stared at her in shock, probably in disbelief that their darling, perfect little Renesmee who didn’t even cry as a baby had turned into such a troublesome thing. Her Mother spoke then, her bell-like voice low. “If you think we won’t stop you if we have to…you are not ready for this.” 

Her eyes flashed. If she heard that one more time, she’d lose her mind. “How? Isolating me from everyone and everything? Oh, wait, I forgot, you’ve already done that. Really, how much further could your control and over-protection go? Locking me up in a tower like the little princess you still think I am? I’d like to see you try.” She stepped closer to her parents so she could look directly in her parents hazel eyes, so they could see the sincerity and seriousness in hers as she issued them an ultimatum: “Try to stop me and I will never forgive you. I promise that you will lose me forever. I have had it and I am ready for this.” 

Her parents held hands, exchanging looks, but she didn’t back down. “When did you become so defiant?” her Mother asked in disbelief. 

Renesmee straightened her back. “Right after my choice and all the power that comes with it was nearly taken from me.” 

Rosalie stood up. “Let her go. The immediate danger is gone. She’s stopped growing. We can’t control her life anymore. It’s not right and it’s not fair. She deserves this chance.” 

Bella glared at Rosalie. “You realize she isn’t your daughter, right?” 

Emmett placed his hand on Rosalie’s arm, a mediocre effort to hold her back in case things escalated. “You realize that her Mother would want her to be happy, something she clearly isn’t anymore, right? And do you want to lose her forever, Bella? She’s serious here.” 

Bella and Edward went silent, having a conversation with only with their eyes. When Renesmee felt Jacob stand and place his hand on her shoulder, clearly prepared to back her up if need be, her posture relaxed, but stayed straight. Five tense minutes passed, no one speaking or moving. 

Finally, with a sigh, Bella said, “You may go to Forks. On the condition that Jacob comes with you and you check in often.” 

“We’ll have you both on a plane by Wednesday.” Edward added, arms crossed. He clearly wasn't happy about giving into her. "And Jacob, you and I will be having a word before then." 

"Of course, dear-old-dad." 

She nodded her head, turning to look at Jacob with an eager smile. He squeezed her shoulder, returning the smile. 

They were doing this. They were actually getting to do this. Once again, she would have the opportunity to dance with liberation. 

Later that night, Renesmee and Jacob sat in her studio. She painted and he watched, both of them content with the quiet. Normal. 

After a few hours of working tirelessly on a new piece, one that reflected the darkness that had entered her life that night in the hotel, Renesmee was ready for a break. She sat aside her palette and her eye caught on her La Push painting. She picked it up and carried it over to Jacob, setting it in his lap. “Been meaning to give you this. I can’t believe I’m going to finally see La Push in real life. Maybe then I can come up with a more realistic rendering of it.” 

Jacob smiled. “I’m gonna have to get this framed, thanks. And I can’t wait for you to see it.” 

Renesmee sat down beside Jacob on the couch, swinging her legs on top of his. “I can’t wait to see where you grew up, meet your Dad. Are you going to introduce me as your girlfriend?” 

He smirked. “Maybe. My super badass girlfriend who was totally awesome when she finally stood up to her parents.” 

She laughed in spite of herself. “I feel bad because I know they mean well and love me, but it needed to be done.” 

Jacob nodded in agreement. “I’m proud of you for doing it. I know it took a lot of guts, but you went for it and maybe now they won’t treat you like their little puppet to control.” 

“Stop. That makes them sound like inherently bad parents, which they aren’t.” 

He held up his hands in his defense. “You’re right. But you know what I meant.” 

“Yeah.” She rested her head against her head, guilt beginning to battle with her triumph. Brushing it aside, she searched for silver lining to make herself feel better. “You know, if I’d know acting so reckless would make me grow a spine, I would’ve ran off and found trouble a lot sooner.” 

Abruptly, Jacob pushed her legs off him and stood, a glare finding its way onto his face. “That’s not funny, Renesmee.” 

Her full name. A clear indication that he was not happy with her. Oh, God. 

“I’m sorry, I was only kidding-” 

He brushed off her apology. “Do you not understand what could have happened to you? How much worse it could have gotten? What was going through their heads? Do you not understand that you scared the hell out of me?” 

Frustrated now herself and so they’d be on more equal footing, she jumped up to her feet as well. “Of course I understand. I showed you that. Had you guys not shown up, they would have raped me.” The thought made her bite down on her lip, blink back tears. 

Hearing the word come out of her mouth set him off further and he demanded, “So why the hell are you making jokes about it then?” 

He was right about it not being something to mess around about, something to brush off with humor. It was traumatic, life changing. Horrible. It was her own Aunt’s trauma, what had lead to her death. Renesmee crossed her arms, looking down at the floor. “You’re right. I’m sorry. I guess it was just easier to do that than actually deal with it. Again, I’m sorry.” 

Jacob’s face softened, the fire from his eyes gone. He held out his arms to her and she stepped into him, resting her head against his chest as he hugged her tightly. “I’m sorry I snapped at you. I just….I think about it and it makes me sick inside. I can’t imagine how you must feel.” 

“About the same, honestly. I know Aunt Rose said it wasn’t my fault and I know she’s right, but God, I just feel so stupid and gross.” 

“You are none of those things. Not one.” He lifted her chin and wiped away tears from her eyes, the touch of his hand lingering even when he pulled it away. 

“You always know how to make me feel better.” 

He shrugged, but she could tell hearing that pleased him. “I just know you is all. And I’ll really know you after we travel together, just us.” 

She raised her eyebrows. “How’s that?” 

The suggestion in her tone made him stutter. “Just that they say you don’t really know a person til you travel with them is all.” 

She continued to tease. “Maybe you’ll finally kiss me then.” 

He rolled his eyes at her impatience, but she could see the want on his face. He couldn’t fool her. “My moment, remember.” 

And maybe his moment would come in Forks.


	8. too cheeky for her own good

The day they left for Forks came quickly and in a blur of excitement for Renesmee. She could still hardly believe this was happening, that she was finally going to see the world outside of her own home. That she’d be there for several weeks. Better yet, Jacob would be there, too. 

With the help of her Aunt Alice, Renesmee packed enough clothes to have her very own fashion show. If it could be named, she had it. Luckily, she had big, strong Jacob around to carry her suitcases. He complained of course, but did it anyway, reserving a smile just for her as he helped load the car. 

At the house, she shared a heartfelt goodbye with each member of her family. With a kiss to her forehead, her Aunt Rosalie said, “Call me if you need anything or have any questions. Trips can be pretty romantic.” She smirked and Renesmee had blushed at the implications. If only she knew Jacob hadn’t even kissed her yet. 

During the drive to the airport, Renesmee stared out the window in awe, her hand in Jacob’s who sat beside her while her parents sat up front. There was so much to see. So many people and places, things she’d never encountered before. Incredible. She committed it all to memory so that when she returned home, she could paint it all. 

Inside the actual airport, Renesmee heard more and saw more than she ever had before in her life; when they'd came to Maine the first time, they'd taken a private family plane. Hundreds of people, all different and fascinating to watch. While they were being cleared by security, Jacob leaned over and whispered in her ear, “Know you don’t mean anything by it and you’re just curious, but staring kind of freaks people out.” 

He was right, of course. So she stopped watching so intently, only taking peeks here and there. She wanted to paint the airport, too. She loved that place with all of it’s insanity, so different from her own routine life in comparison. 

At the boarding gate, her Mother placed her hands on her shoulders and smoothed her hair. She smiled, bittersweet. “You’re so big now. It’s..crazy. Please, have fun and be safe. I'm lost without you. I love you. ” 

“I love you, too.” She hugged her Mother, then turned to her melancholy looking Father, raising her eyebrows. 

He took her in his arms, kissing the top of her head. “I love you, Ness. Come home to me, yeah?” 

In an attempt to make him feel less worried, she patted his arm. “Only a few weeks, Dad. In Forks. With Grandpa Charlie and Jacob. I’ll be fine.” 

Her Father nodded begrudgingly. “I know. But be careful regardless.” His eyes cut over to Jacob, who stood behind Renesmee holding both of their carry on bags. “Jacob, anything happens to my daughter or she comes home any worse for the wear, start running because I will hunt you down and kill you. I’m holding you responsible for her well being.” 

She rolled her eyes. Her parents could be so over-dramatic. 

Jacob held up his hands. “Relax, Dadward, don’t need to go all Taken on me. I’m going to keep her safe.” 

Renesmee glanced over her shoulder at him and they shared a smile. 

After he parents hugged her one last time, Renesmee and Jacob boarded their flight. First class tickets, courtesy of Grandpa Carlisle. Pretty sweet. 

Jacob let Renesmee have the window seat so she could look at the clouds, take in the view as they flew across the country. As she buckled in her seatbelt, she couldn’t help but bounce up and down in her seat, laughing like a child getting away with mischief. “I can’t believe this is really happening. I’m really on a plane to Forks right now,” she said, her hands moving as she talked. 

“I know we’ve only been on the plane for a few minutes, but I swear you’ve said that a hundred times already.” He laughed, organizing their stuff and handing her the blanket she’d eventually want. He took in her jittery state, knee moving up and down while her pony tail swung to side each time she jerked her head to see something new. They hadn’t even taken off yet. “You gonna be like this the entire flight? Not that I mind you being excited, I’m just gonna need a nerve pill because I can practically feel it coming off you. This must be what Jasper feels like. Fucking crazy.”

She took a few deep breaths to try and calm down, but her glee didn’t fade. “Maybe I need the nerve pill.” 

“Let’s just try talking about something else and see if that helps distract you, okay? I don’t want you having an aneurysm or something.” 

That seemed to do the trick. A perfect opportunity to tease him had arisen and she smirked. “Okay. Wanna go join the mile high club with me?” 

If at all possible, Jacob blanched and turned bright red at the same time. Renesmee burst out laughing at his facial expression, even better than she’d expected. Stuttering for a response, he grabbed ahold of the arm rests and finally managed to get out, “You shouldn’t know what that is!” 

She laughed harder at his outrage for her lack of innocence. “With my family, sex is the one thing about the world I happen to know a lot about.” She struggled to breathe, choking on her words, head thrashing from side to side against the seat. This was priceless. 

Jacob crossed his arms, still shaking his head. “This isn’t funny. You really think, you’re cute, huh?” 

Finally, her girlish giggles came to an end. She grinned at him, nose scrunching. “Absolutely adorable.” 

“You’re lucky I tend to agree.” 

“Enough to finally kiss me? That could be our own mile high.” Jacob pressed against her thousands of mile in the air? Perfection. 

His flush returned. “You ever gonna stop pestering me about this kiss?” 

She started flipping through her magazine, searching for an article that peaked her interest, but found none better than him currently. “Yes, when you finally get the balls to just do it. I know you want to.” 

“Just do it? That’s real romantic.” Seemingly annoyed that she’d call his bravery into question, he gritted his teeth. “It’s definitely not a matter of balls, by the way. It’s about being ready and it being the perfect moment-my moment.” 

She rolled her eyes. “I know all about your moment. Your sentimentality is endearing, yet so annoying.” 

“Yeah, well, so is your impatience, Little Miss Bra-” 

She cut him off, raising her finger warningly, knowing exactly where he was going with that comeback. “Do not even say the word.” 

With this round a victory for him, he smirked at her. “Got you there, Ness.” 

When it came time for take off, Jacob held Renesmee’s hand in his to calm her nerves. He always knew what she needed, sometimes better than she did. Crazy how that worked. 

The nearly six hour long flight passed slowly and without much trouble given their class seating. At some point, Renesmee drifted off to sleep, her head resting on Jacob’s shoulder, and she slept until the pilot came over the intercom to say they’d be landing soon. 

Jacob gently shook her awake and she heard the tail end of the announcement. “Ness, seat belt on.” 

Groggy, Renesmee did as told and before she knew it, they were back on the ground. The plane started to unload, people filing out into the afternoon air. 

“Sorry I fell asleep on you,” she said to Jacob as he shouldered both their carry-on bags and lead the way off the plane. 

Jacob shrugged. “No big deal, Ness. You’re tired. You’ve had a rough week or two.” He broke into a grin. “Not to mention the old age thing with you being eighteen and all, of course. ” 

She shoved him playfully. Them and their teasing. “Hey, if I’m old that makes you as good as dead. Pick out a tombstone yet?” 

“No. You file for Social Security yet?” 

They walked side by side through the gate and when their hands met in the middle, Renesmee took Jacob’s in hers. After pushing through the immediate crowd, they spotted Charlie with a bouquet of flowers in his hands. He broke into a grin when he saw them, taking Renesmee in his arms and kissing the top of her head. “Glad you’re here and safe, kid,” he said, his voice wavering in regards to her harrowing ordeal the night of her birthday party. “Can’t believe you got your folks to say yes.” 

“Believe me, me either, but I'm glad to be here,” she replied as she stepped back. 

Charlie embraced Jacob then too, still smiling. “Good to see you too, Jake. Your Dad is so excited, hasn’t shut up since I told him you were coming.” 

“Not as excited as me, that's for sure. Or Ness here, who was acting like a jumping bean.” Jacob looked so happy to hear that and that made Renesmee happy. This trip was as much for him as it was for her and Charlie. She loved doing things for Jacob. If only she could do more. For a moment, the conversation brought her back to the question of why Jacob stuck with her family. When she’d asked, he’d been so evasive. She brushed it off. For now. 

After they claimed their luggage, the three of them walked out to Charlie’s truck and the only thing Renesmee was permitted to carry was the flowers. Charlie and Jacob threw the suitcases on back of the truck, even with Renesmee’s warning to be careful because her shoes were in there, and she could hear Alice screaming about the expensive leather of the bags. They loaded up, Renesmee in the middle of the two and they set out for Forks. 

Renesmee looked around at the trees, the mud puddles and overall overcast sky she hadn’t scene since she was a little girl. It felt like a lifetime ago. Though she’d wished for sunshine, a change of scenery, however dreary, was still better than being trapped in Maine on the Cullen estate. In her mind, she began to craft a million different paintings of the Washington wilderness. 

She mostly rode in silence, more of an observer and listener than a talker, but both Charlie and Jacob weren’t all that chatty, either. When they wanted conversation, they mostly looked to one another, about sports and other things, with only the occasional input from Renesmee.

When they got closer to the town limits, Charlie glanced across the truck at Jacob. “You want me to drop you off at your Dad’s now or after Ness gets settled in and we have some food?” 

Jacob, if surprised by the revelation, didn’t show it. “After works. But I thought I was staying at the house with you, Ness and Sue?” 

Posing it as a question, nice touch, she thought. But both she and Jacob knew it didn’t matter all that much of where he was officially supposed to sleep because he’d be keeping watch over the Swan home, at least periodically, as long as she was there. One just never knew what danger could arise. 

Charlie snorted as they passed the Forks welcome sign and began to ramble, true to himself. “You know me at all, Jake? There’s no way in the hell that’s happening. Already dealt with one mildly weird and intense relationship...not having another one under my roof. Gotta have some boundaries.” 

Renesmee couldn’t help but giggle at Charlie’s concern. 

Jacob seemed to be fighting laughter himself. “I understand. Probably for the best anyway.” He squeezed Renesmee’s hand out of Charlie’s view. 

They pulled up in front of the Swan home and they all unloaded. A drizzle had started to fall, but here the rain felt different to Renesmee than it did in Maine. Refreshing and spiritual, not sad. Not repressed. Not lonely. It flowed and ebbed with the freedom of the West. This was okay. 

Charlie led them upstairs to what had been Bella’s old room, which had changed a lot over the years. More like a guest room, but with her Mother’s signature single strand of white Christmas lights. Renesmee had seen pictures before. She smiled as she looked about. This place was cozy, safe. She'd like it here. 

Jacob set down Renesmee’s things, but stuck to the doorway and looked around a minute. 

“You like it? Sue did all the redecorating.” Charlie said, stuffing his hands in his pockets. 

“It’s great. Speaking of Sue, where is she?” Renesmee peeked out the window and saw the rain had picked up

“Town to run some errands, groceries and the like. You guys like sandwiches? I was thinking that for lunch today. Jake, you still eat like an animal?” 

Jacob laughed. “You know it.” 

Renesmee crossed her arms, sending Jacob her flirtiest smile. “He makes a mess like an animal when he eats, too. It’s kind of gross.” 

Charlie shrugged. “That’s men for you. Now, Ness, I have to work most of the week days while you’re here even though I did take a few off for us to do some things, so I figured that you can hang out some with Sue and Jake, other people while you’re here. I’ll be around in the evenings, of course. I just don’t want you to get lonely or bored.” They heard a car pull in the drive. “Oh, that must be Sue. We’ll talk more over lunch. I’m gonna go help her with the groceries.” Charlie disappeared out the room, but seconds later poked his head back in. “Bedroom door stays open, okay?” 

They nodded their heads solemnly, like two children in front of the principal. Once he was out of earshot, Renesmee said, “Ironic that Charlie’s so paranoid about you doing anything to ruin my innocence since you refuse to even touch me.” Her eyes brightened. “Maybe we should give him a reason to want the door open? Like charity.” 

Jacob flopped down onto the bed, stretching his legs out as he smirked. “You’re pretty relentless, know that? You want me that badly?” 

She crawled onto the bed beside him, doing her best bit at being seductive. Jacob’s eyes darkened, watching her every move. “Of course I do. In case you haven’t noticed, you’re kind of hot.” She put her hand to his chest, tracing a pattern with her finger. 

He shook off the little spell she’d begun to cast. “Flattery will get you nowhere. I’ve been working up my control-you can’t break me. ” 

She arched her eyebrow at him. “Oh, I bet I could.” 

He took her chin between his fingers, less than inch of space between their lips as they both stood perched on their knees. Either moved at all and they’d be kissing. The idea thrilled her, but she stayed in place. He grinned. “Couldn’t. I’m pretty immune at this point.” 

“You wouldn’t be if I turned up naked in your bed like I threatened to that time.” Her point there. That would put him in his place. 

Jacob’s mouth went dry and he croaked out, “I swear to God, Renesmee….if you do, I’ll..” 

Her full name again. Except this time it meant fun and a continued winning streak; she definitely got to him. A smirk came onto her lips. “What, punish me?” 

Next thing she knew, Jacob had her pinned down on the bed and held himself up so he didn’t crush her with his weight. It was playful, yet so sexy. Wow, she loved this side of him. “You are such a little tease,” he growled out, his breath tickling her face. Even after a long flight, it smelt amazing. 

“Guess Charlie has a reason for wanting the door open now, huh? You’re such a great humanitarian, another irony.” 

He rolled his eyes, but was smiling. “Too cheeky for your own good.” His gaze fell to her lips, watching them with a need that excited her to her core. The intensity of it all made her knees tremble, her heart race. It reminded her of the waterfall. This was passion. 

“Your moment yet?” she asked, her own desire for their first kiss clear in her voice. She stared at his lips, so full and wonderful. She wondered how he’d taste. 

After a second of consideration, he shook his head and she groaned. “Hey, I’m not kissing you for the first time in your Mom’s old bedroom. I’m not doing anything to you in here. Too weird.” 

The spell broken by that ugly truth, he rolled off her and she sat up, not even wanting to pout over it. He was right. Too weird. 

Charlie yelled for them then and they didn’t wait around. Renesmee grinned as she raced Jacob down the stairs to the kitchen. This trip, though not much different from home, felt different. It felt perfect already.


	9. a series of firsts

After they’d eaten lunch and unpacked Renesmee’s things, the most daunting task on the planet, Jacob asked Charlie if they could head over to La Push now. He said of course. 

Renesmee followed Jacob out the front door and felt the little drops of rain run down her face. “You want me to come?” 

Jacob shook his head. “I was thinking I could bring you out tomorrow, that way you’d get a full day on the beach and I’d have my own ride. Plus, I’d like some alone time with my Dad.” 

”Sounds like a plan to me.” She stood on her tiptoes and kissed his cheek, making him smile like a lovesick puppy. “Have fun and tell your Dad I said hello.” 

“Of course.” He waved goodbye as he climbed into the truck where Charlie sat waiting with the motor running. 

When they were out of the driveway, Renesmee returned to the house and gave Sue a hand tidying up the kitchen. She’d had little experience with housework, none if she was being honest with herself, but she caught on quick. She even kind of liked cleaning, the organization of it all and how pretty it made everything look, and it relaxed her. However, she figured if she’d had to do it more, she wouldn’t be a fan. 

Sue lead her into the living room, two glasses of tea in her hands. They sat together on the couch. “So, Ness, is there anything in particular you’d like to do while you’re here?” 

She pursed her lips in thought. A tough question. Finally, she just said, “Everything, to tell the truth. Explore town and stuff. I don’t get out much.” 

“That’s what your Grandpa said. Tight leash. But that’s okay because you’re here now and I’m going to personally ensure you have the best time. How do you feel about a shopping trip in the city, maybe?” She grinned at the end, voice hopeful. 

Renesmee’s eyes brightened. She’d always wanted to go shopping with her family, watched with such envy as they set off to department stores and came back with their hands full of bags. It seemed like such fun, especially if clothes and shoes were involved. “I’d love to go, thank you! My Aunt Alice gave me a credit card before I left. No limit.” She smiled at the memory of Alice’s excitement. 

Sue’s eyebrows shot up. “Now that’s what I’m talking about. We could do some real damage with that baby.” 

Her mind danced with thoughts of leather boots and purses. Heaven on Earth. “No biggie. Alice is really good at playing the stock market. I mean, insanely good. ” Any psychic would be. “Money is actually paper to them.” 

Laughing, Sue replied, “I wish I had that problem.” 

By the time Charlie returned, the rain had stopped and he took Renesmee on a walk through the streets of Forks. Any time they encountered someone Charlie knew, which was often given his career, he introduced her as an old family friend visiting. For her, it was so strangely nice talking to all these people. Though she did stumbled through conversation and small talk at first given that for most of her life, her only socialization was with her family and Jacob. 

Charlie showed her his favorite diner, where he promised they’d have dinner one night. Breakfast and lunch at some point if she liked the food. She bet him she would since she wasn’t that picky. Mostly. Sharing meals with Jacob had taught her that. 

He showed her the highschool and Renesmee tried to picture her parents there. Their first meeting in biology class. Her Father saving her Mother in the parking lot. Seeing the place they’d fallen in love made their story seem more real to her. 

They made a few more stops in town, one at a bakery where Charlie splurged on some fresh strawberry shortcake after Renesmee said she loved it and the second at the public library where he used his card to let her check out some books to read. She ended up picking out ten of them. This was nice, getting to choose her own reading material. No Shakespeare in sight-mostly romance novels. She’d heard about this Nicholas Sparks fellow a lot. 

That evening, Renesmee sat under the light of a lamp eating a huge chunk of strawberry shortcake and reading about a girl named Katie moving to North California in search of a new life and finding not only love, but a safe haven. She could relate to wanting a new life. From time to time, she’d glance up and see Charlie and Sue, who sat curled up on the couch watching a game, laughing and talking. To her, this moment seemed like the happiest place on Earth. 

After she’d gotten ready for bed and curled up under the covers with her book, she heard the cellphone her Grandma had given her before she left ringing. She picked it up and saw it was Jacob calling. “Hey,” she said, fighting a smile. She’d hoped he’d call. 

“Hey. How was your day?” 

“Great. I’m having a lot fun with Charlie and Sue. I had strawberry shortcake, so that’s always a plus.” It was weird telling Jacob about her day instead of just showing him. “How about yours?” 

She could hear his happiness through the phone. “Awesome. We ordered pizza and watched a game. Talked a lot. I’ve missed him.” 

“I’m sure. You really should visit more, you know.” 

Jacob cleared his throat. “Yeah, I guess so. Anyway, I just wanted to check in and tell you goodnight. I’ll probably run by and do a check in later. Sweet dreams, Ness.” 

She rolled onto her side, facing the window and wishing for a moment he was there with her now. “You too, Jake.” And she hung up the phone, drifting off into a peaceful sleep. 

Renesmee slept through the entire night and was only awoken by the sound of someone stirring downstairs. Deciding she wanted to investigate, she creeped down the stairs and found Charlie in the kitchen, stirring a cup of coffee. He turned when he heard her approach, grimacing. “Sorry, didn’t mean to wake you. It’s still early.” He nodded in direction of the window. “Think it came out just for you. Hell of a thing.” 

Renesmee glanced outside and saw the sun shining brightly in the sky despite the hour, warm and inviting. So unlike Maine. Hell, so unlike Washington. They could probably count the sunny days of the year on both hands. It would be a great day and this proved it. 

Charlie sipped on his coffee. “You want some?” 

She’d never drank coffee before. Her parents had said it was bad for her, too much caffeine. Well, they weren’t here to stop her from trying it now. “Sure, but I don’t know how I like it.” That sounded lame. 

“I have a hunch you’ll take yours sweet.” Grabbing a mug from the cabinet, he poured her a cup, then added some sugar and cream. He handed it to her carefully, warning it would be hot. 

Renesmee brought the mug to her lips and drank the steaming, wonderfully smelling liquid. She nearly moaned. It was so good. “I love it,” she said and knocked back half of it, burning her tongue in the process but not caring. 

Charlie laughed. “I have a feeling you’re hooked now.” He glanced towards the clock, swore and sat his empty mug in the sink. “Gotta go, I’m late.” Pressing a kiss to her forehead, he grabbed his keys and took off out the door, promising he’d be back for dinner. 

Renesmee made herself another cup of coffee, but then the pot was empty, so after a little experimenting with the machine, she had a pot brewing just to ensure Sue got hers. 

Sue got out of bed shortly after and she and Renesmee made crepes for breakfast, which had been delicious. 

When Renesmee had finished getting ready, a sundress that showed off everything good she had to offer since it was such a nice day, she headed downstairs, ponytail swinging. Sue looked up from the floor she was sweeping. “You look so pretty. Jacob is gonna have a fit.” 

She smirked. “Messing with him is really just an added bonus to looking good.” 

And he did have a fit when he showed up exactly fifteen minutes later on his motorcycle, the one he’d left here during the move. He stood in the living room, stuttering and stammering. “You look….really good.” He looked her up and down, eyes sticking to her shapely legs and chest. 

She cocked her head to the side. “Good enough to finally kiss?” 

He shrugged, snapping out of his trance. “You’re good, but not good enough to con me like that, Ness. You ready to go? La Push and my Dad are waiting.” 

Rolling her eyes at the loss, she waved goodbye to Sue whose only response was to have fun and enjoy the weather. So different than what she was used to. No interrogation. Jacob placed a helmet on her head, securing it in place. He did the same and hopped on the bike, motioning for Renesmee to follow. She was nervous, never having rode on his bike before, but she asked herself what could happen? She was pretty much indestructible. She climbed on behind Jacob, wrapping her legs and arms around him tightly. That felt wonderful and from the noise that left Jacob’s throat, he agreed. 

He started the bike, but didn’t take off and instead glanced down at her bare legs. “You know you’re gonna freeze, right? 

“Freeze? It’s like 65 degrees out. It’s perfect.” 

“And it’s gonna feel like upper 40s on the bike with all the wind.” 

“Well, I’m not changing. I look cute.” 

He snorted. “Okay, Frosty, you do you, but don’t ask for my jacket.” 

“I won’t.” She knew she wouldn't even have to, that he would most likely give it to her anyway. This was how they operated. 

“Just hold on tight, okay?” Jacob reminded her and then they took off with a roar of the bike. 

The air rushing past her felt incredible, even if she’d be frozen by the time they reached La Push. Trees passed in a rush of green, houses a blend of whites and browns with the occasional drop of color. Now that would be a painting. She loved this bike. 

When they arrived at Jacob’s house, Renesmee took in the quaint little house with a smile. She could easily picture him here, running around and playing. Causing mischief. Without a word, Jacob draped his jacket across her shoulders after seeing her shiver. His Dad wheeled out to greet them, grinning from ear to ear. “Jake wasn’t kidding when he told me about that growth rate. You’re pretty tall for a 7 year old! And you’re a spitting image of your Mom and Dad.” 

She laughed and extended her hand to him, which he shook with a strong grip that reminded her of Jacob’s. The resemblance was there between them, uncanny even. Exact same smile. “It’s nice to finally meet you. I’ve heard a lot of wonderful things.” 

Billy shoved Jacob’s arm, looking like the proud Dad he was.“I’ve heard about you, too. He didn’t shut up about you once yesterday.” 

“Dad, c’mon, stop.” Jacob groaned, turning away, but his eyes found Renesmee’s and they shared a look together. 

“You have him wrapped around your finger, you know,” Billy continued as he pushed his way up the ramp, leading them into the house. “He’d do anything for you. You say jump, he asks how high. ” 

Renesmee gazed up at Jacob, who looked like he was ready to die of embarrassment. “He is devoted, isn’t he?” 

The three of them gathered in the living room, talking and laughing. Billy showed Renesmee pictures of Jacob as a baby and little boy, some of which he was naked and very cheeky in. It was all so adorable and he hadn’t changed at all. Jacob fixed the three of them lunch at some point, nothing fancy but good regardless, even though Renesmee was still full from breakfast. She was glad that her body was stuck like this forever, because with all she'd been eating, she'd have to worry about doubling in weight by the end of this trip. Jacob and Billy shared more stories and inside jokes, which she loved to hear, even if she felt the tiniest bit left out. The love and admiration Billy had for his son was very clear in his tone, so full of pride, and it made her happy to know he viewed Jacob the same way she did in that regard: as someone so wonderfully special and worthy of every good thing life had to offer. 

When he inquired about the progress of their relationship with a simple question of how long they’d been together, it struck Renesmee that Billy, just like her parents and the rest of her family, didn’t seem the slightest bit put off by the two of them. She didn’t know why that continued to bother her so much. She didn’t want them to hate it and not want them together, not at all, but they weren’t fazed by the development at all. Like it had been an expectation, which made no sense. There was a considerable age gap between them, technically speaking. Jacob had began in her life as a brother, then a friend and always a protector. He’d only recently seen her as anything else. Was it really just about them being friends for so long that it made it inevitable? 

She pushed the doubts, the undeveloped conspiracy, out of her mind and focused on the joy of just being with Jacob and his father. 

Later, as afternoon bled into evening, Renesmee and Jacob bid farewell to Billy, then Jacob announced they’d be walking down to the beach. Renesmee could hardly contain her glee. This was it. It was finally happening. They held hands down the path, talking about the day they’d had so far. 

“In case it wasn’t obvious, my Dad adores you.” Jacob said, sounding beyond pleased by the fact. 

She swung their arms back and forth, never wanting the day to end. “Well, I like him, too, and not just because he likes me. He’s sweet and funny, like you. And he just wants you to be happy, which is something we have in common.” 

“He saw me through some rough patches. We took care of each other.” 

Before Renesmee could respond, the coast came into view and her eyes widened. Somehow, it was better than how she’d pictured it, better than Jacob had described it. The beach ran for miles, an off white color that reminded her of egg shells except soft. Gentle and foaming navy colored waves brushed against the rocky shore, teasing with their arrival. The cliffs stood tall, proud and powerful against the water-the perfect vision of excellent might-and her mind went back to the waterfall. Stretching off into the horizon, the sky was a perfect sunset of orange, yellow and pink, purple splashed here and there like a jar of paint had been spilt and spread by a mop. The beach was glowing and her artistic muse burned and thrived inside it. It left her speechless. She had to commit this scene to memory forever. She would need to paint it, need to see it spread out across a canvas at her control. 

But first she had to experience it for herself. 

Dropping Jacob’s hand, she kicked off her sandals, leaving them behind carelessly in the grass. She ran onto the beach, feeling the sand beneath her bare toes. Her eyes closed at the feeling. Finally. She felt Jacob watching her as he removed his own shoes. Kicking up sand as she went, she ran, careless and fluid like a child, to the water’s edge. She gasped at the sensation of the cold water brushing across her feet. She wiggled her toes deeper into the wet sand, loving the messiness of it all. A breeze picked up, blowing her ponytail to the side and lifting her dress like a Hollywood starlet on the red carpet. She took her hair down, relishing in the way it tumbled across her shoulders and down her back like the waves themselves. A deep breath of salty, ocean air cleansed her in ways she hadn’t thought possible. 

Jacob wrapped his arms around her from behind, resting his chin on her head. She melted into him in a state of bliss. “I know I promised more time here. I’m sorry.” 

She shook her head, not wanting to ruin this moment at all, even with just a simple apology. “I don’t care. I don’t care about anything else right now. This is perfect.” 

“How does it feel to finally be here?” 

Renesmee turned to face him, unable to put into words what this meant to her. “Like it’s the best moment of my entire life.” She felt a few tears prick in her eyes from pure joy. Was it possible to feel like this? 

Jacob gazed at her, mouth set in a soft smile. His eyes held nothing but love and they never looked away from her. “You know, I think a lot about how I’m going to remember things. Things, people, that are important to me. This trip. You. Always you. Ness, this is how I’m going to think of you for the rest of my life. The sunset behind you, making you look...God, so beautiful. Messy hair. Flushed cheeks. The biggest smile I swear I’ve ever seen you have. This look...this light in your eyes that honestly takes my breath away. So free. So full of life, standing in the one place you’ve always wanted to go.” A hand came to her cheek, stroking the porcelain skin like she was the most precious thing he’d ever touched. His eyes only left hers to look at her lips, pink and glossy. 

Renesmee stared up at him, his soft lips, unable to form words or even thoughts past his name. 

And that seemed to be enough. 

Jacob took her face in his hands and kissed her with a passion, a hunger and love she’d never experienced in her life, the sunset continuing to glow behind them while the waves brushed against their feet. She pushed herself into him, craving the closeness and heat of his body. His hands drifted through her hair, playing with the auburn curls, and down to her waist where he held her tight. 

Nothing mattered right now but kissing him, not even her own clumsy inexperience. He taught well and she picked up fast. 

Her first time on a beach and her first kiss. All in the same day. 

When they pulled away, chests heaving, Jacob smirked and said, “How’s that for my moment?”


	10. the one with all the drama

For Renesmee, the next few weeks were utter bliss. Each day was better than the last. No boredom. All freedom. So much living. She never wanted it to end. 

She experienced everything Forks had to offer. Between Jacob, Charlie and Sue there was never a dull moment. In a span of days, her life went from wondering when something would finally happen to never having time to think of what would come next. 

With Charlie and Sue, she had what could only be described as typical, all-American family moments. She went to the movie theater. Roller skating. Meals at the diner. Hiking. Family game night where she crushed Twister and the game of Life. Shopping with Sue in the city and coming home with over twenty bags. A paint night, which had been incredible. A fall festival in the park where she tried apple cider. A pumpkin patch with a corn maze. A weekend camping trip with Jacob had tagged along for. A baseball game in the city with Charlie which she enjoyed; watching it in real life rather than on TV was a whole new ball game, even though she preferred playing with her family. Dozens of restaurants and little hole in the wall places. If it could be done, they did it. Renesmee loved every minute and grew closer with both Charlie and Sue. She wished only that she could experience things like this with her own parents, though she couldn’t imagine either of them on roller skates or all tangled up in a game of twister. 

Jacob took up the rest of her time and it was time well spent. Their relationship continued to grow in all regards and it was the best kind of slow. They went on dates, dinner or dancing or even just a walk in the park where’d they talk for hours. He took her to the beach when it wasn’t raining, where’d they build sandcastles or play in the water if it was warm enough. Just like two kids. He took her for rides on his motorcycle, the wind in her hair as he showed her his favorite places. They went for runs in the forest, Jacob winning like always and Renesmee getting mad and refusing to speak to him for five minutes like always. She’d watch him work on cars, perched on a stool in her heels, flipping through a book and fetching him tools when she could identify them. He even began to teach her how to drive a stick shift, which she picked up pretty quick on given her ability to remain in control; Jacob said this was extremely hot. Jacob even went thrift shopping with her one day for fun, where she dressed him up in all sorts of crazy outfits that he somehow pulled off. They played laser tag or baked homemade pizza and watched movies, action or romance, depending on whose turn it was to choose. Many afternoons were just spent at Billy’s house together, wrapped up in one another. Sometimes they just cuddled in his bed, listening to music and savoring the stillness. Through the changes in their relationship and the newfound freedom, their friendship remained the same and the core of who they were together. If perfect existed, they’d found it. 

Their relationship continued to grow in physical ways as well. Now that he’d had his moment, Jacob kissed her every chance he had. Every time they parted ways. When she finally beat him in a round of video games. When he finished fixing a car, which had led to a heavy makeout on the hood. When she got the hang of the stick shift, meaning another makeout in the front seat with her in his lap. In the middle of the sidewalk for the entire town to witness, in the movies or at dinner. In many ways, Renesmee considered it Jacob’s way of claiming her as his for anyone and everyone to see. And the kisses went beyond simple pecks to the lips. Often they were passionate displays, Jacob’s hands in her hair or her waist, that escalated to a forty-five minute goodbye at some point or another. A time on the beach, she’d jumped into his arms, legs wrapped around his waist, and eventually they’d fallen into the sand, not even phased. They were starved for one another in a way that went beyond normal and neither could get enough. Renesmee always wanted more. 

One afternoon they were alone at Billy’s house and Jacob had Renesmee pinned to the couch as they made out for what had been over an hour. Like a gentleman, his hands stayed above her waist, but ventured down to her butt on occasion and caused her to moan loudly into his mouth, spurring him on as he growled out her name. But Renesmee wanted to him to be less of a gentleman, do something, anything, to satisfy her need for more of him. 

She pulled back from him, breathless and panting. “Jacob, please.” 

He lowered his mouth to her neck, kissing and sucking on her pulse-point. He always returned to that spot. “Please what, babe?” 

She never got the chance to answer. They heard the front door open and Jacob fell off the couch to the floor at the sound of it slamming closed, his Father calling out a hello. Renesmee, giggling at Jacob’s flustered state, scrambled to sit up and pull her shirt down. Jacob grabbed the remote off the floor and turned to some random channel, a pillow now on his lap. 

Billy rolled into the living room. “What are you two up to?” 

Jacob coughed, not taking his eyes off whatever true crime show was on. “You know, just watching some tv.” Renesmee nodded, trying to look interested in the interview on the screen. 

Billy glanced at the tv, then at each of them. He started to roll past them towards the bedroom, but stopped and turned to look at them. A knowing smile came onto his face. “By the way, nice hickey, Ness.” Renesmee turned bright red, her blood on fire in embarrassment, and she buried her face in her hands while Jacob groaned. “I’m old, not stupid, you know.” 

Renesmee threw her head back on the couch, the little black and blue bruise on her neck on full display. Jacob smirked as he admired his handy-work. “It is nice, really,” he said, “I’m pretty good at that.” 

She rolled her eyes. “I better get the concealer. Charlie will skin you alive if he sees this. How many times have I had to do this week, anyway?” 

“I think three, but then again, I’m a little distracted to keep count.” 

As happy as they were during this time period, it did not mean they didn’t argue or trouble didn’t present itself. Their first significant argument since coming to Froks came when Jacob took Renesmee bowling one evening. They walked into the alley, hand in hand, and challenged one another as to who would win the game. Renesmee was determined to take the victory, even though Jacob had the advantage since she’d never played before. At the counter, they were waited on by some 20-year old guy with sandy hair, green eyes and a name tag that read Michael. He was very friendly towards Renesmee. 

“What size shoe?” he asked, then leaned over the counter to look at her feet. “I’d guess maybe a five and a half? You’re dainty. Like a princess.” 

“And taken,” Jacob muttered under his breath. 

She smiled politely, pretending she hadn’t heard him. “A six, actually.” Jacob’s hand drifted to her lower back. 

Michael nodded and, instead of turning to the main shelf behind him like he’d done for Jacob, he slipped into the back. He returned with a pair of shoes that looked brand new, however ugly. “We just ordered more and I figured you would like that over a pair of gross and smelly ones that have been worn by God only knows who.” He handed them across the counter to her with a smile. 

Jacob’s jaw set. “How thoughtful.” 

Renesmee elbowed him. “It is thoughtful. Thanks, Michael.” 

He nodded. “Sure. Just doing my job. Have fun and I’m here if you need anything.” 

“Just doing his job my ass.” They walked over to their lane, Jacob grumbling to himself. Each of them changed into their bowling shoes and Jacob kept looking over his shoulder at the counter, shaking his head. Jacob grabbed two bowling balls, the heaviest option for himself and a much lighter one for her. 

Renesmee raised her eyebrows at him as he handed her the lavender ball. “You know that even though I’m small, I’m pretty strong, right?” 

“You’re right. I forget sometimes.” He kept looking back at Michael. 

Renesmee grabbed him by the collar of his shirt, pulling him close and staring at his lips, wondering if she still wanted to bowl tonight. “Maybe I should remind you, hm?” 

Finally, Jacob focused in on her. His lips lifted into a grin, liking where this was going. “How would you do that?” 

“Throwing you down on your bed, perhaps.” She bit her lip, knowing it drove him crazy. 

Instead of responding, Jacob kissed her, long and deep with his tongue tracing against hers. A wolf whistle rang out from the far side of the room, making Jacob tense, but he didn’t stop. Finally, he pulled back and took her chin between his fingers. “Ready for me to kick your ass?” 

“Oh, honey, not if I kick your ass first.” 

They began to play and, to Jacob’s chargain, Renesmee played very well and was winning. Each time she managed to achieve a strike or spare, she would gloat and dance around Jacob who pretended it bothered him even though he grinned. When he scored, he kissed her, hands on her waist, and she knew again he was claiming her as his. 

At one point, Renesmee bent over to retie her shoe and Jacob let out a long sigh, grounding out through his teeth, “Michael is probably just loving this.” 

She straightened herself back up, both annoyed and slightly turned on by his jealousy, though she hated to admit that. Annoyance won out in the end and sarcasm with it. “What? Me not tripping over the strings?” 

Jacob crossed his arms. “No. The view of your ass in the air.” 

Exasperated, Renesmee threw her hands in the air. “What do you want me to do? Not tie my shoes? Sit and have you do it for me?” 

“Well, that’s one idea…” 

She blew out a breath, setting the bowling ball aside in the rack as she was no longer in the mood to play. “Seriously? What’s your problem? He’s just being friendly. There’s nothing wrong with that.” 

“Friendly? He was flirting with you. He called you dainty. Dainty. And he went through the trouble of getting you clean shoes. No customer service person just does that to be friendly. God, why do you always have to see the best in everyone?” His voice started to raise, catching the attention of several people who passed by. Nosy mothers in particular began to listen in on this juicy gossip. 

The way he presented her world view as inherently flawed infuriated her. There was nothing wrong with thinking people are good. Furthermore, how could he think she was interested in Michael when she had him? “Well, in case you haven’t noticed, I am dainty! I look like...a doll, especially standing next to you the neanderthal, which you’re totally acting like right now. And the shoes aren’t a big deal. What do you think I’m going to do? Sleep with him because he gave me a pair of fungus free sneakers?” 

Now people were really staring at their little outburst and performance. It hardly fazed her as angry as she felt. Why was he acting like this? 

“Don’t even put that picture in my head right now. I already want to throw you over my shoulder and carry you out of here. And I’m not a neanderthal.” 

She snorted, a glare forming on her face. “Oh, of course you’re not. Treating me like property really convinces me of that. Don’t you trust me? ” 

“Of course I trust you. I just don’t like watching other guys hit on you right in front of me because you’re mine.” 

That was the last straw. Renesmee grabbed her jacket off the table. “Take me home. I don’t feel like playing or seeing you right now.” 

She set off ahead of him in a brisk walk, Jacob on her heels. When they passed the shoe counter, Michael waved to her. “Have a good night.” 

Jacob jerked to a stop, fists clenching at his side. “Dude, shut up before I come back-” 

Renesmee turned back to look at him, her gaze murderous and he stopped mid-sentence.. “Seriously?” 

He didn’t respond and the two of them stormed out of the bowling alley and into the parking lot, everyone’s eyes on them as they left. When they were outside with relative privacy, Renesmee turned to Jacob and pointed her finger at him, the moonlight illuminating her face. “You’re acting like such a jerk right now. I may be your girlfriend, but I don’t belong to you and like you said back in Maine, I’m still my own woman. You can’t just freak out and act like…..some stereotypical macho possessive guy anytime another guy I’m not related to speaks to me. You don’t see me do that when another girl looks at you a little too long or tries to flirt with you because I know you’re not interested!” 

Jacob stood in silence at her tirade, head hung in shame. “Ness-” 

She stopped him, yanking open the car door. “I don’t want to talk anymore. Just take me home. Please.” Her voice came out weaker than she wanted it to at the end. 

He slid behind the wheel and they drove back to Charlie’s place in silence, the tension in the car thick and suffocating. When they pulled into the driveway, Jacob parked but made no move to get out and neither did Renesmee. She focused straight ahead, staring out ahead at the still lit living room where she knew Charlie waited for her. Jacob turned to her, regret in his eyes, and said, “Ness-” 

A heavy sigh left her mouth. “I don’t want to hear it right now, Jacob. I just need to be mad for awhile, okay?” She climbed out of the car, doing her best not to slam the door as to tip off Charlie. 

Jacob got out after her and followed her onto the porch, repeating her name over and over again. Finally, at the door, she turned back to look at him. “Ness, please, just let me-” 

She shook her head, hugging herself. “No. I’m going to bed. Goodnight.” 

When she went to move away, Jacob grabbed her shoulder. “I’ll be here when you’re ready to talk. I’m not going anywhere. Not with you mad at me, alright?” She only nodded and slipped inside, immediately going upstairs to avoid questions from Charlie. However, she heard the front door open and knew he was talking to Jacob. 

Renesmee tossed and turned in bed for hours, unable to sleep as her worries and thoughts ate away at her. She still couldn’t believe Jacob had reacted like that just to Michael being friendly towards her, whether his intentions were flirtatious or not. Would he always be this way? Did he really view her a piece of property to carry out when he didn’t like what was happening? That was humiliating to consider. She knew Jacob cared deeply about her and only wanted her for himself, but this was ridiculous. He made something out of nothing and she knew he was capable of violence towards others when she was threatened or he felt she was. She didn’t know if she could deal with such behavior all the time, the underlying distrust of it all. But she could never imagine being apart from Jacob. He was her person. He was her constant. 

Finally, she climbed out of bed and wrapped a blanket around herself. Peeking out the window, she saw his car was still parked outside despite the late hour. Quietly, she creeped down the stairs and into the living room. She turned the lock on the front door and stepped out onto the porch, shivering in the early October air. Jacob, who sat on the porch steps, turned, then stood when he saw her. 

“It’s freezing out here,” she said, stating the obvious. She didn’t know where to begin. 

He shrugged. “Kind of immune to it, remember? Um, are you ready to talk?” She nodded and took a seat on the steps, him joining her. “Can I put my arm around you to keep you warm? You feel like ice.” Hesitating only a moment, she nodded and Jacob pulled her close, their legs touching. 

Renesmee looked at him, her voice quiet. “I’m ready to listen.” 

He took a deep breath and spoke quickly, self-loathing in his voice. “I’m sorry for tonight. You’re right. I was acting like, in your words, some stereotypical macho possessive guy. A neanderthal. I could give you a whole list of reasons why, but it doesn’t matter.” 

“It matters to me. It won’t make it okay, but at least I can understand.” 

“Yeah.” He looked down and took her hand in his, squeezing it. “For one thing, I’m a little insecure, I guess. I don’t want you to leave me for someone else, someone better. The idea of not being your first choice...kills me. Deep down I know you wouldn’t, but….you know...doubt isn’t always rational. Another thing….a poor excuse but the truth...it’s the wolf in me, too. Not wanting to share you. Wanting to possess and protect you. A control thing. Again, not good, but the truth. There’s also the fact that for the longest time….it was just you and me. Back in Maine. No one else ever around. I was just used to having you to myself and that’s selfish and this is so much better here. I’m trying to be better myself.” 

Renesmee listened carefully, doing her best to process and figure out if she did understand. She realized she did, even if she disagreed with his actions. The point was that he knew that it wasn’t okay, that he could identify his own issues and was actively trying to work on them. “I forgive you and I understand.” 

“Oh, thank God.” Jacob took her in his arms and held her tight against him, kissing her head. “I promise you, I’m going to do better. I swear. I’ll stop being such a dick.” 

She laughed, resting her head on his shoulder. “I know. God, I hope the drama is over.” 

Jacob looked off into the night, his voice soft. “Yeah, me too, Ness.” 

 

A week passed quickly, but with the same happiness as the one before it. One night, Renesmee, Sue and Charlie had just finished dinner and were cleaning up the kitchen. The radio played in the background and they laughed and talked, Charlie telling them about the crazy day he’d had at the station and Renesmee sharing about the book she’d finished that day. They were planning on watching a movie that night, The Notebook, since Renesmee had finished the book a few days prior. Jacob was going to join them and it was going to be a true couple’s night. She was so excited and now they were just waiting for him to arrive. 

However, it seemed fate had different plans for them. 

It had just gotten dark, the three of them still in the kitchen, when they heard a woman scream from across the street. It was loud, with genuine terror and fear, one that immediately indicates something is wrong. The kind that turns a person’s blood cold. Without a word, Charlie ran and retrieved his gun from the drawer he locked it away in and ran out the door. Sue grabbed the phone and dialed 911, hands trembling. Renesmee stood frozen, but then, on instinct, ran out the door after Charlie despite Sue’s protests. She was across the street in seconds, the front door to the house opened. Heart racing, she entered the home and gasped. A woman, no older than thirty, lay bleeding from her stomach on the floor, a knife beside her. It was more blood than she’d ever seen in her life. Charlie held a man of the same age, bloody himself, at gun-point, telling him not to move or he’d shoot. Charlie turned when he heard her and demanded she go back to the house. But she didn’t listen, didn’t acknowledge him. The woman needed help. 

Renesmee sunk to her knees beside her, removing her sweater. In a daze, she used the sweater to apply pressure to the wound, trying to stop the bleeding. Blood coated her hands and what was already on the floor coated her clothes, leaving a sticky mess. The smell of it filled her lungs, intoxicating her, and she swore she could taste it on her tongue. She hadn’t had any blood to drink since Maine, animal at that. She didn’t require it to survive, but it smelt amazing and she wanted nothing more than to taste it. Reigning in her urges and finding control, she focused in the on the petrified face of the woman, whose tears raced down her cheeks as her body shook. “It’s going to be okay. I promise. You’re gonna be alright. Help is coming.” 

The paramedics arrived and she backed away to let them work. Carefully, but quickly, they loaded the woman up and hurried out to the ambulance. On the way out, one of the men said to Renesmee, “You saved her life, Miss.” That had stunned her and she managed to only nod. 

The officers put the man in cuffs and lead him out the door, stuffing him into the back of a squad car as Charlie gave them instructions. Charlie came up to Renesmee, wrapping his arm around shoulder and leading her out the door. “I’m proud of your bravery, kid, and the good thing you did, but you should have never left the house. Too dangerous.” She only nodded at that too. 

The second she stepped outside into the swarm of law enforcement and on-lookers, Jacob was there, his face white in panic. He all but drug her away, frantically looking her over for the source of injury. His body trembled and he seemed on the brink of turning at the sight of her covered in blood. “God..what happened? Are you okay? Where are you hurt? Who did this to you? I saw the ambulance turn up your street, I thought the worst and I saw Sue crying and-” He choked on the words, bringing her close to him. 

Her hands came to his face, clinging to him and desperate to reassure him of her safety before he lost it. Her own daze still clung to her, but she showed him what had happened as she knew it. “It’s not mine. It’s not mine. I’m okay. I’m not hurt. It’s not my blood.” 

She repeated it over and over again like a mantra and the gospel of their survival. But Jacob still held onto her like a lifeline, like she’d disappear or bleed out in front of him if he didn’t. 

Much later, when the craze had died down and the street was quiet as it would be for the next few weeks, Jacob and Renesmee sat on the porch steps together. He still hadn’t let her go and she wondered if he would at all tonight. They hadn’t said much as of yet. 

Renesmee stared at the house, the yellow police tape still in place and she couldn’t get the image or the smell of the blood out of her head. Her teeth ached for it. “Grandpa Charlie said that guy was her husband. Her own husband stabbed her.” Her voice broke and she shook her head in denial. “How can people be like that? How can they hurt people they claim to love?” 

“The way I see it, if you can hurt someone, you never loved them to begin with.” 

“I’ve read stories where this stuff happens, but it’s real. It’s so very real. I mean, Aunt Rose’s fiancee-” The tears broke through and she buried her face in Jacob’s chest, sobbing. He stroked her hair, rocking her back and forth to soothe her as he held her. “I just don’t understand.” 

“Men are evil.” 

Sometimes, Renesmee thought, the world itself was just too evil for her to want to be a part of it.


	11. you are the world to me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for neglecting this story for months-school has kept me on my toes. Thanks for sticking with me and I'll try to be more consistent!

One night, as Jacob read aloud to her from The Longest Ride, Renesmee decided she never wished to return to Maine. She couldn’t go back to the isolation and loneliness there, even if it would be different now that she was fully grown. But she didn’t wish to stay in Forks forever, either. She wanted to explore the world, wanted to see the sights and attractions. Specifics didn’t matter-the only one that she cared about was having Jacob by her side. 

In the weeks following the incident across the street, life slowly returned to normal. She spent the majority of her time with Jacob, who’d been more clingy than normal. More protective than normal, which was saying something. He didn’t even like to let her out of his sight. With Charlie’s apprehensive approval, she was spending quite a few nights a week with Jacob and Billy; she was also eighteen and could do as she pleased in the end. She spent those nights curled up in his arms, head against his chest as he warmed her skin and made her feel like the safest girl in the world. She wished they could be like that every night. 

She called her parents a few times, gave them updates and summaries on her plans and on all the fun she was having. They seemed happy that she was happy, but also hurt that she didn’t need them to feel that way. Renesmee, when she had the time to, did miss them dearly regardless. 

One evening, she, Jacob, Charlie, and Sue gathered in the kitchen to prepare dinner together. They were all talking and laughing, the radio playing softly in the background. Sue was chopping vegetables to make a stir-fry. Renesmee, with Jacob’s limited help, was baking a fruit pizza for dessert. He kept stealing strawberries and blueberries from their containers instead of placing them on the giant frosted cookie. Renesmee had to smack his fingers every five seconds, scolding him. That only spurred him on more. Charlie was setting the table, telling a long story about a rookie cop screaming the first time he had to arrest someone because the cuffs wouldn’t work right. 

“Ouch, shit!” Sue suddenly exclaimed, jerking her hand back and dropping her knife on the cutting board. 

Charlie came to her side. “You alright?” 

She nodded, grimacing. “Yeah, I just cut my finger.” 

“Let me see,” he said, inspecting her cut. 

Renesmee realized she’d been holding her breath since the moment Sue cried out. She watched her intently, body tense. The strong, iron ridden smell of the blood filled her nostrils and enchanted her senses. It smelt so good. 

“Ness, are you okay? Sue’s fine, it’s alright.” Jacob peered at her, eyebrows furrowed. Charlie went to get Sue a band-aid. 

The smell strengthened and Renesmee squirmed in her seat. Stronger, stronger. She leaned forward to try and see it flowing. It occurred to her that she wanted to taste it. 

“Ness, are you alright?” Jacob repeated, concerned. 

She gritted her teeth, hissing out, “Jacob, get me out of here.” 

Standing, he grabbed ahold of her arm and led her out of the room, then outside. “What’s wrong? Are you okay?” 

Renesmee felt light-headed, dazed. “The blood….I don’t know….I wanted to taste it. It was like this weird hunger for it.” 

Jacob placed his hands on her arms, steadying her. “You haven’t had any since we left Maine.” 

“No. But I shouldn’t need it. I can live off human food. That’s what Nahuel said.” 

“Maybe we should call your parents.” He sounded confused, worried. 

“So they can bring on the dramatics and rush out here and make a big deal out of nothing?” She shook her adamantly. “I’m fine. It’s fine.” 

“Ness,” Jacob said, exasperated. 

“I’m fine.” She kissed his cheek, the blood-lust feeling subsiding. “Don’t worry about it. I’m fine, okay?” 

Jacob crossed his arms. “Okay.” 

“Jacob, c’mon, say I’m fine.” 

“You’re fine.” He sounded completely unconvinced. 

“You’re still going to call my parents, aren’t you?” 

“No.” 

She raised an eyebrow. “Really?” 

“Yeah. I’m going to call Carlisle instead.” 

A scowl formed on her face. “Fine then. But if the troops are called in, you did it to yourself.” 

He shrugged, removing his phone from his pocket. “Anything to keep my girl safe and healthy.” 

Though she still wanted to be annoyed, she couldn’t help but melt at his protective nature and love for her. “I better go in before Sue and Charlie get worried. I’m not letting you have any fruit pizza, by the way.” 

He smirked, waiting for an answer on the other end of the line. “I’m already full from the fruit I ate.” 

Turning to go into the house, she flicked him off and slammed the door shut behind her. 

Later, as they sat on the front porch steps alone together, Renesmee traced patterns on Jacob’s jean covered leg. “What did Carlisle say?” 

He interlocked their hands, squeezing hers. “He said that we shouldn’t freak out. Cravings are probably normal, the vampire side coming out. He said he’d reach out to Nahuel, but in the meantime, we just need to be careful. He’s not going to let your parents know. Yet.” 

Renesmee smirked. “I told you so.” 

“Bragging doesn’t become you, brat.” 

She shoved him playfully and he laughed, filling her heart with a cozy feeling. She rested her head on his shoulder, clinging to his arm. “You’re so good to me, Jake.” 

“Only treating you the way you deserve to be treated.” He kissed her forehead, then her nose, followed by her chin. 

A long, breathy sigh escaped her lips. “You said your Dad has plans tonight?” 

He stroked her cheek with his hand, brushing against her lip with his hand. “A night with the guys,” he confirmed. 

“Oh, that’s nice for him. He needs to get out more, not always be alone in that house.” 

“Empty house, too.” Jacob lowered his head to her neck, kissing along her jawline and making her moan softly. 

She cleared her throat. “Charlie, I’m spending the night with Jacob!” 

And then Jacob had her by the hand, the two of them running to his motorcycle. The ride to his house, as the cold wind beat against her skin, Renesmee squeezed her legs tighter around him. Her mind danced with thoughts of him on top of her, his body digging into hers. Could they go further? Oh, how she wanted to. She wanted to feel him inside her, over and over again. When they arrived at his house, Jacob parked by the porch and they made a run for it. Renesmee kissed Jacob with an intense desire, wrapping her arms around his neck as he tried to dig out his key in order to open the door. He pulled back, struggling to remove it, and he swore against her lips. Finally, he managed to get the door open and they made their way inside, still kissing the hell out of one another. Jacob picked her up and she wrapped her legs around his waist as she squealed at the suddenness of his action. They stumbled back into Jacob’s bedroom and he threw her down on the bed, her body bouncing when it hit the mattress. She laughed, propping herself up on her elbows, and Jacob removed his shirt, then lowered himself on top of her. She grabbed him by the collar of his shirt, pressing her lips against his and he moaned into her mouth. They moved against the bed and one another, kissing and touching and losing themselves in their passion. 

Renesmee grabbed Jacob’s hands, which rested at her waist, and brought them to her breasts, silently begging him to touch her. He obliged, feeling and squeezing. He removed her shirt, sucking in a deep breath at the sight of her red bra. He ran his hands across the lace, fingering, touching, and massaging. He lowered his lips to her neck, kissing her pulse point, and she moaned out his name. He growled against her skin. They continued this way, her body ignited in flames, but it wasn’t enough. 

“Jake,” she panted, “Jake?” 

He held himself up on his forearms and lifted his head towards her. “What do you want, Ness? What do you want me to do?” 

“I want to make love to you, Jake.” Her voice was earnest and soft, but assured. 

Shock overcame him. He took her face in his hands, searching her eyes. “Not yet,” he said, after a moment. He looked conflicted. “We’re not ready yet.” 

She sat up, taking her hand in his. “I’m ready.” 

“Well, I’m not.” 

“You don’t want to sleep with me?” She didn’t attempt to hide her hurt. 

He looked at her like she was crazy. “Of course I want to sleep with you. Just not yet...Ness, we’ve only been together, what, two months?” 

They both knew for sure it had been two months since they kissed. 

She shrugged, defensive. “Two months, but you mean the world to me, Jacob. I want to be with you.” 

“Me too, but we’re not ready,” he repeated, beginning to sound frustrated. “We’re not ready.” 

“Why not?” 

He stood and grabbed his shirt off the floor, turning and exposing her fingernail marks on his back. “It will be the first time for both of us. ” He tossed her the shirt, silently telling her to put it on. “It should be special.”

She let the shirt lay on the bed beside her. “Anything with you and me is special, Jake. Why are you fighting something you so clearly want?” Proof of that was still visible to her eyes, not to mention the hungry, lustful look in his own she’d felt just a few minutes prior. 

He threw his hands up in the air, shouting, “We’re just not ready, Renesmee! Alright! I’m going for a run.” And then he stormed out of the room, slamming the door shut behind him. 

“Jake!” She called after him, but he was already gone and she felt more confused than ever. 

Renesmee willed herself not to cry. She pulled his shirt over her head, needing to feel him, smell him. She curled up under the blankets and rested her head against his pillow. How had things gone so badly in such a short amount of time? In what way did he think they weren’t ready? Was it her? Did he still not consider her mature enough to have sex with? If so, he had never been more wrong about anything. 

At some point, she drifted off to sleep and she didn’t wake until she felt Jacob crawl into bed beside her. “Ness,” he whispered, “you awake?” 

She opened her eyes, lashes fluttering. “I am now.” 

He held up a bouquet of flowers in plastic wrap. They were bright yellow and pink. “Forgive me?” 

“You didn’t do anything wrong, Jake. You just communicated how you felt.” And she meant that. 

“And I did it by yelling, then storming out.” 

She didn’t have an answer for that. “The flowers are lovely.” They smelt like heaven. 

“Thank God for Walmart.” 

She pulled him close, resting her head on his chest. “What do you mean when you say we’re not ready.” 

He laid beside her quiet and contemplative now. “I just don’t think we’re at a place yet…mentally…or emotionally to take such a big step.” 

“Emotionally?” 

“I don’t mean that we don’t have feelings for one another-very strong feelings. It’s just that, well, things are all over the place.” 

“All over the place? What does that mean?” 

“There’s just a lot needed to be said, that’s all.” Immediately, he tensed like he wished he hadn’t said that. 

“Like what?” She could hear the hurt, defeat and confusion in her voice. 

He let out a long sigh. “I just….I have something I need to tell you first. Something I have to explain.” 

Renesmee felt intense worry, an almost irrational fear, prick at her nerves. Something felt so wrong, so off and it terrified her. “What is it?” 

He ran his hands through her hair, fisting the curls in his fingers. “Not tonight, Ness. Not tonight.” 

“Jacob!” She choked on the words. 

He kissed her forehead and her face, taking her hands in his. “It’s gonna be alright. You mean the world to me. You are the world to me. It’s alright.” 

Afraid he’d disappear if she let go, she clung to him, wide awake. “Jacob…” she trailed off. “When..will you tell me?” 

“Tomorrow. After the bonfire.” He’d made the decision then, an announcement meant to hold himself accountable, as he made her the promise. 

The bonfire. They were having a bonfire here at La Push with his friends and family. His Dad. She'd forgotten about it. Renesmee laid awake that night in anticipation and listened to Jacob snore, afraid and confident that the person she cared about most might slip away from her after just one conversation.


	12. real, not for real

When Renesmee awoke the following morning, exhausted from a sleepless, worried night, she found Jacob gone and the bed cold. On his pillow laid a note he had scribbled out. It read: 

My Dad needs my help. Won’t be back until before the bonfire. Sue’s gonna pick you up so you can get ready. I made pancakes for you, they’re in the microwave. I’ll miss you today. Remember, you’re the world to me. -Jacob 

Renesmee neatly folded the note into a square, tucking it in her jacket pocket, and she sighed. She dressed herself and warmed up a pancake in the microwave, drizzling honey across it. She wasn’t much of a fan of syrup. Jacob had left the honey out for her. 

As she ate in silence over the sink, she wondered if he was avoiding her out of fear that she would eventually coax an answer out of him. Maybe he wanted to avoid the tension.   
When she and Sue returned to the house, they sat in the car for a few minutes, neither ready to go in.

“Do you know what’s going on with Jacob?” Renesmee asked, wringing her hands. She’d told Sue about the conversation the two of them had the night before, only saying that Jacob needed to tell her something and that it was important. 

Sue squeezed her shoulder, looking sympathetic. “I have no clue, but I’m sure everything is fine. It’s Jacob. You know he loves you.” 

Renesmee looked at Sue in surprise. “Loves me?” 

“Of course. It’s obvious. Wait, have you guys not said it yet?” 

“No, not yet.” 

“Wow. Nothing is wrong with that, I’m just surprised to tell the truth. You two...well, you’re the real deal. I can tell. You’re devoted.” 

Renesmee couldn’t help but smile. She loved hearing that. They were the real deal. It calmed her anxiety. 

“Maybe that’s what Jacob wants to talk about tonight,” Sue said, looking at the bright side. “That’s an important thing. It could make any man act weird. Trust me. The first time Charlie tried to tell me he loved me, I thought he was having a heart attack. Just don’t worry about, okay? I’m sure everything is fine.” 

“Maybe.” 

“And didn’t you tell me he waited so long to kiss you because he wanted it to be special?” 

“Yes. His moment.” She remembered the beach, the feel of the sand and the sunset. His lips on hers for the first time. It had been dream worthy. 

Sue smiled. “Maybe he wants to make this an important moment, too.” 

Renesmee nodded. “That’s very true.” 

And yet she couldn’t escape the worry that it was something much more serious, something bad. Something that could tear them apart. Jacob had been so conflicted, so troubled by it. She didn’t think he would act that way about simply confessing the truth they both already knew and felt. 

After she showered, Renesmee dressed in a mustard yellow sweater, the turtle neck a comfort given the cool weather. She allowed her auburn hair to dry natural, long auburn curls flowing down her back. She applied some makeup, nothing too intense, just enough to bring out her eyes and to occupy her time. If Jacob did end up confessing his love to her, she would at least look beautiful for it.   
He’d once told her that she could look perfect in an old, worn sack. 

When Jacob arrived at Charlie’s house, Renesmee waited for him just inside the door. He knocked, then entered in quick, precise steps. Without a word, he took Renesmee into his arms and kissed her forehead. They held one another close. 

“I missed you today,” he said against her hair. 

“I missed you more.” 

He rubbed her arms, eyes never leaving hers. “Not possible, but you can try.” 

“How’s your Dad?” 

“Good.” Jacob helped her into her jacket and she zipped it up. 

“I’m sure he was glad to have your help.” She watched him, searching his face. 

“Definitely. You ready to go?” 

Suffocating a sigh, she nodded her head. 

When they arrived at La Push and made their way down to the beach, she could already see the fire burning. It stretched high into the air, crackling and popping. Waves brushed against the shore in the distance. She could see a variety of familiar faces, including Seth and Leah, spread out across lawn chairs and logs, blankets draped across them. Hand in hand, Jacob and Renesmee joined them. They were greeted with an echo of shouts and hellos. 

“Jake, finally, you’re here!” Seth exclaimed. “Hey, Ness.” 

Jacob grinned. “Hey, man!” They did the guy equivalent of a hug. 

She waved. “Hey, Seth.” 

Sam stepped forward and he was the only one she had yet to meet. “So this is Edward and Bella’s daughter. The one we all were willing to die for.” He cracked a smile. 

“That would be me. I can’t tell if you mean it as a good or bad thing,” Renesmee replied. 

“Don’t mind him, he’s inept.” Jacob grinned and Sam shoved at him. 

Sam turned back to Renesmee. “You make Jacob happy.” And that was all he had to say. 

These wolves didn’t talk much. Then again, neither did she. 

They joined Seth and Leah on their log. Jacob grabbed a blanket and covered Renesmee’s lap with in, slinging his arm around her shoulder to keep her warm. She watched the fire. Around them, members of the pack laughed, talked and told stories. It was cozy, happy. Jacob struck up a conversation with Seth, something about some sport Renesmee didn’t understand.   
Renesmee looked around, watching and admiring those around her. Her eyes landed on Emily, who sat curled up in a lawn chair and looked the most comfortable of them all with her thick, wool blanket. In the dark, she hardly noticed the scars on her face. The first time she’d met Emily, it had been daunting despite Jacob’s warning not to stare. When she’d asked what had happened, he had told her that Emily once got too close when Sam was angry and that was the result. Sam stood behind Emily, hands on her shoulders and gently massaged them as he talked to Quil. Emily turned her head up at Sam, asked him something in soft voice that Renesmee couldn’t make out. He fetched her a drink and brought it back to her, looking pleased to do as much. Renesmee noticed the way Sam watched Emily. His eyes held so much devotion, adoration. He paid attention to her every need, always on guard to ensure she was happy and safe. It was very clear that Emily meant the world to Sam. It felt and looked familiar, like a mirror image. Strangely uneasy, Renesmee continued to stare and hoped they wouldn’t notice. 

Renesmee nudged at Leah. “What’s the deal with Sam and Emily?’” 

Leah snorted. “I am the last person for you to ask about that.” 

Unsure of what to make of that response, Renesmee went back to watching Sam and Emily, but she didn’t know why. They weren’t that inherently interesting, but here she was transfixed.   
Billy, who Renesmee hadn’t even noticed before, cleared his throat. “Who wants to hear a story? I think I know exactly where we should start, too.” 

Jacob leaned forward, gritting his teeth.. “Dad, I don’t think anyone wants to hear a story.” 

“Nonsense. I think it would be good, especially for Ness here. A good ease into our history and traditions.” Billy, remaining calm, gave his son a pointed look. 

Renesmee watched the two of them in confusion. 

“I don’t think she wants to hear about it right now, Dad.” Jacob clenched his fists. 

“Let her be the judge of that. Ness, would you like to learn about imprinting?” 

Her ears perked. Imprinting. “What’s imprinting?” She glanced at Jacob. 

Billy pointed a figure at Jacob. “Told ya.” 

Jacob turned to Sam in desperation. “Make him understand…” 

Sam shrugged. “A little late now, dude.” 

“What’s imprinting?” Renesmee asked in impatience. They were talking as if she wasn’t even there. 

A smile formed on his face. He folded his hands in his lap. “Imprinting,” he began and Renesmee focused on him with an intensity. She felt Jacob’s eyes on her. “Imprinting is the bounding of two souls together with a glance. For one of the pact, it is a shift in gravity. Suddenly, that person, that other soul, is the most important thing in the world. They are the world. You would do anything for that person, be anything for them. Whatever they need. A friend, a protector, a lover.” 

You are my world. Renesmee thought of her first memory of Jacob: she was in her Aunt Rose’s arms, he was walking into the living room. They held eye contact. Her head pounded now. She could feel Jacob staring right into her. She looked at Sam and Emily, who seem more absorbed in one another than the story. “So it’s like soulmates?” 

“Essentially, yes.” 

“Why? Why does it happen?” 

Billy shrugged. “We don’t know, but there are theories.” 

“Which are?” she asked. She looked at Jacob, who sat silently with his hands pressed against his forehead. She felt dizzy. 

“Strengthening the wolf, increasing chances of reproducing.” 

The latter did not apply to her. 

“Nature’s way of saving a life,” Leah added under her breath. 

“Leah, shut up.” Jacob hissed. 

Renesmee tried to ignore them. “When does it happen?” 

“It can happen at any time. Adult, child.” Her eyes widened and Billy held up his hands. “It’s not like you think. It’s not. When they’re young, it’s like having a brother or a best friend. Just someone to protect them, take care of them.” 

“Do anything for them, go with them anywhere,” Renesmee whispered. She stared at Sam and Emily, felt Jacob staring at her still. The heat of the fire had her feeling sick. Denial hugged her   
tightly. “Excuse me, I need to go.” 

She took off down the beach. She heard Jacob trailing behind her, which made her speed up. “Ness! Wait, Ness, please!” But she ignored him and continued on. The bonfire was far in the distance now, the pack looking like ants. The night was dark, freezing. Waves beat the shore like the truth breaking free. 

“Ness, slow down, please. Let me explain!” He touched her shoulder. 

Renesmee jerked to a halt, wiping around to face him. “Did you imprint on me? Did you?” The accusation left her mouth as a desperate plea, begging for him to tell her she was wrong. 

Jacob stood in front of her, hands held out in front of him. “Yes,” he replied, his voice soft in a way that didn’t wish to provoke her. 

She looked off towards the ocean, lip quivering. “When?” 

“Ness-” He reached out for her, but she jerked away. 

“When? How long have you been lying to me? How long, Jacob?” 

“The day\ you were born, the first time I looked at you. That's when it happened." 

Renesmee laughed and choked on air at the same time, remembering that night yet again. That moment. “And my parents knew, too?” 

“Yes.” He stepped closer, then took another forward when she didn’t retreat from him. 

“Did everyone know but me? My whole family?” Tears filled her eyes. 

“Yes, okay, yes. But, Ness, I swear to you the only reason we didn’t tell you was because we wanted you to have a choice in the matter. We didn’t want you to feel obligated or pressured. Okay? If it was going to happen, we wanted it to be on your terms.” 

“What was going to happen? Me falling for you?” She wrung her hands through her hair. “You’ve wanted me since I was a baby. I’ve been yours since then....I was never mine.” 

“No! You heard my Dad. It’s not like that. I was your brother and your protector. Nothing else.” He grabbed her hands, frantically making her look into his eyes. His reflected the raw emotion in hers. “Do you think your Dad would have let me live if it was anything else, Ness?” 

She shook her head, biting on her lip. Her mind bounced back to the bonfire as she tried to process. “What did Leah mean when she said nature’s way of saving a life?” 

Jacob looked tortured, like memories and this conversation were splitting his heart into pieces. That alone meant that there was some significance behind the words. 

"What did she mean?” She pulled back from him, dropping his hands. 

“Ness-” 

Her voice rose several octaves. “What did she mean Jacob?” 

Jacob ran his hands through his hair, breathing heavy. “The night I..imprinted on you, I was going to…..I was going to…..” He jerked and couldn’t get the words out. 

“You were going to what?” Her heart raced. 

“Ness, your Mom, she was really important to me." 

"How important? You loved her, didn't you?" Of all things, this had shocked her the least. They were close friends. It filled in several blanks. 

He went a quiet a minute. "Yes.....not anymore.....but I did. We… I thought she was dead. I thought she died giving birth to you. I was devastated, Ness, and I was angry." 

Her face lost any color it had as she realized whose life the imprint had saved. “Oh, no, no.” 

“Ness-” his voice cracked. 

A sob fell from her mouth. “You were going to kill me? A baby? I was a baby!” 

He could only nod, brokenly. The wind whipped against them. 

Renesmee pulled her coat tighter around herself, tears falling down her cheeks. “And the only reason you didn’t was because you imprinted on me? I’m only alive because of the imprint. Jacob, I don’t know what to say, I don’t...I can’t.” She grabbed her knees, trying to catch her breath. “This is what you had to tell me about. The imprint. This..horrible secret is why weren’t ready. We're not ready. You're right.” 

“I know, Ness. I know. I hate myself for ever thinking it, ever wanting to do it.” 

“And the only reason that you do is because of the imprint. If you hadn’t imprinted then and had killed me, you wouldn’t feel any remorse about it. Not if my Mother hadn’t been changed into a vampire, if she had died. You would have stilled loved her and killed me.” And she broke down crying. 

Jacob collected her in his arms, holding her close to him and rocking her back and forth. She didn’t have the strength to push him away. “Ness, I love you. Okay, I love you. I know this is awful and horrible and you have every right to hate me, but I love you.” 

And she couldn’t even take pleasure in hearing him say those three words for the first time. They were tainted. Tainted by the truth, by the imprint. By reality. 

Renesmee let him go, steadying herself. She shook her head, curls shaking. “No, no, you don’t. I love you, but you don’t love me. Not for real. You think you do because it’s nature or your instincts or whatever telling you should. It’s not real. We’re not real. It’s all just the imprint, Jacob.” 

His eyes flashed. “Don’t say that, Ness! I do love you. I love you so much and it’s real. It’s the most real thing about my life. The most real thing I’ve ever had.” 

“You have no choice in it, Jacob!” 

“Does anyone?” he demanded. “You are angry and upset with me right now, but do you still love me? Can you help that?” 

“I can stop with time, you can’t.” 

“Can you?” 

Their eyes met and Renesmee wanted to get the last word on it, to scream yes, yes she could. But she didn’t know, or at the very least, she wasn’t sure. Maybe she would always love Jacob Black whether she wanted to or not. 

Renesmee sunk into the sand, pulling her knees to her chest, and Jacob cautiously joined her. They had more space between them now than they did in Maine. 

“What are you thinking, Ness? Tell me what you’re thinking.” 

“Everyone in my life lied to me.” 

“They had good intentions.” 

“I know.” She knew they just wanted her to feel free to make her own choice. 

“What else, Ness?”

“The boy I loved was going to kill me because he loved my Mom until the universe stepped in and told him he was supposed to protect me. That we might end up together.” The sick feeling returned to her stomach. 

“What can I do?” he pleaded, taking her hands in his, but they stayed limp. “Please, tell me what I can do.” 

She shook her head, voice trembling. “Nothing. There’s nothing you can do. Just like with all of this, you have no control over it.” 

“What do you want me from, Renesmee? What do you want me to do? Anything you want, it’s yours.” 

Renesmee stood. His devotion r was tainted now since it didn’t come naturally, since it wasn’t something he actively wanted. He wouldn’t be like this and he wouldn’t love you if it weren’t for the imprint, she thought, he'd still love your Mom. She couldn’t subject him to that and take advantage of that a minute longer. 

“It’s over, Jacob. We’re over. I can’t do this to you. Or to me. I’m sorry and I love you, but I have to do this.” When he reached out to her, she held up a hand. “Please, don’t. I just need to be alone.” 

“I’ll drive you.” 

“No, I’ll call Charlie.” 

He buried his face in his hands. “Ness, I can’t just stay away from you forever. Even if you don’t want me anymore, I have to be around you. I have to keep you safe.” 

“I know.”

“That’s all you have to say?” 

“That’s all I can think to say right now. Let it be tomorrow’s dilemma.” She hesitated, watching him, but then kissed his cheek. “Goodnight, Jacob." This was the end. 

“I love you,” was all he could manage. He began to cry. 

Renesmee turned her back, tensing. She heard him shift, then take off with a sharp, pained howl. She sobbed as she walked back to wait for Charlie.


	13. and she's gone

In the car, Charlie blared the heat and the two of them drove back to his house in silence. Renesmee rested her head against the window, watching the darkness and the trees pass by. The moon followed them like a loyal companion. He had noticed the tear stains on her cheeks, the redness of her skin.   
“You wanna talk about it?” he finally asked, eyes glued on the road. 

It is easier to communicate when no eye contact is involved, Renesmee thought. 

“Jacob and I broke up,” she said, quietly. She tried not to cry at the finality and the reality of it. 

Charlie didn’t even attempt to hide his surprise. “What? Why? What happened?” 

How did she explain imprinting and the complexity of the situation to her human Grandfather, someone who was already so worn from the supernatural life of her family? Hey, Grandpa Charlie, Jacob wanted to kill me when I was an infant but instead found out we’re soulmates! She couldn’t say that. He’d start a hunting party at dawn, shotguns locked and loaded. 

“Let’s just say I found out he was lying about something...very serious and I can’t move on from it.” 

He glanced at her out of the corner of his eye. “He didn’t cheat on you, did he? Because, well, I’ll kick his ass if you want me to. I’m not sure if I could take him, especially if he’s all...wolf mode...but I can try.” 

As if Jacob even had the capability to cheat on her. “No. He didn’t. He would never.” That was also not who he was. He was too good of a person for that. 

Pulling into the driveway, Charlie put the truck in park and turned towards Renesmee. “Can I tell you something? Well, ask something of you.” 

She peered at him, eyebrows furrowed in concern. “Of course. Anything.” 

Charlie stared down at the floorboards, voice restrained, but troubled. “When your Mom and Dad broke up all those years ago and he left town, it, well, it wrecked her. She was in the worst depressive state I’ve ever seen. It was the hardest thing I’ve gone through and I was so helpless in it. I don’t think I could do it again. Promise me this won’t wreck you, Nessie.” 

It reminded her of what her Mother had said to her about not letting a boy be the end of the world. She hurt so badly and so deeply right now, but she knew she would not allow this to wreck her. 

She took Charlie’s hand in hers and squeezed it tightly. “Never. I promise you. I’m strong enough to get through this.” 

He kissed her head. “It’s going to be okay. You don’t need him. I love Jacob, but I love you more.” 

Once inside, Renesmee went upstairs to her room and decided to shower. She washed away the pain of the night and dressed in an oversized sweatshirt, one of Jacobs. She piled her hair on top of her head in a bun. When she returned from the bathroom, she found a dark figure standing in the corner and she nearly screamed. Her hand went to her mouth. 

“Ness, it’s okay, it’s me!” 

She flicked on the light and saw Jacob there, looking like the most miserable man on the planet. 

“Jesus, Jacob, you scared the hell of out of me! You shouldn’t be here,” she said to him, hanging back on the opposite wall. She shut the bedroom door quietly. She didn’t want to disturb Charlie and Sue just down the hall. “Charlie knows we broke up. If he hears you in here, he’ll throw you out.” 

“I had to see you. I couldn’t let things be this way, Ness. I can’t walk away from you when you’re angry with me.” 

“This is how things are gonna be. I said what I had to say on the beach.” 

He looked around the room, shaking his head as his eyes landed on a framed photograph of them from a few weeks prior. She sat on his lap, his arms wrapped around her as they grinned for Charlie and Sue. “This can’t be happening. This isn’t how it’s supposed to go.” 

She placed her hand on her hip. “Oh, so there’s a set script that I’m supposed to follow? A right way to react?” 

He held up his hands. “That’s not what I’m saying, but a lot of people like that kind of devotion and intensity.” 

“Well, I am so sorry to disappoint you.”

“Ness, please. Just hear me out.” 

Her hands balled into little fists at her sides. She just wanted to go to bed and forget all of this, at least for a little awhile. “Jacob, you wanted to kill me. There’s no avoiding that. You wanted to kill me because you hated me for ‘killing’ my Mother. The only reason I’m alive right now is because of the imprint.” 

“I know, I know. I do and I understand how you’re feeling.” He came towards her and she backed up further. 

“Do you? Did I plan to kill you?” 

His jaw set. “Are you afraid of me?” 

“No.” The answer came immediately, like an instinct. “Of course not. I know you wouldn’t hurt me. Not now.” 

He sunk down onto her bed. Heartache radiated off of him, sheer agony. “Ness, tell me, what can I do to make you forgive me? I need you in my life. I can’t just be away from you. You know that’s not how it works.” 

If she didn’t look away from him, she would cry again. She took a seat at her desk chair, staring down at the perfect, parallel lines of the hardwood floor. “I don’t know. I don’t know. I hate that I don’t know. It makes it hurt more.” 

“Ness, I love you.” 

“You imprinted on me.” 

He got down off the bed and came to her, getting down on his knees and resting his hands on her legs. Her bare skin tingled. Looking up at her with the most earnest, intimate expression, Jacob repeated himself: “Ness, I love you. I know you love me, too. You’re wearing my sweatshirt.” 

“It’s comfortable.” 

“It looks better on you than it does me.” 

She stared down at him, wanting to hold him in her arms and never let go. When she was around him, she lost any sense of self-control. All she wanted to do was take him back, throw all that she had learned to the wind like it hadn’t happened. She would kill to rewind time to yesterday, to even that morning. Ignorance was bliss. But she couldn’t do that. She just couldn’t. 

Renesmee forced herself to look away from him. “I was so foolish for thinking that we, you and I of all people, could find some type of normalcy. There’s nothing normal about us. About our lives. I can’t do this, Jacob. It’s not fair.” 

“Things don’t have to be normal for us to be happy. For you to be happy.” 

“I’ve been so happy since we came here. Finally, my life was something more than just hiding away from the world under my family’s watchful eye as we waited for the next disaster to happen. I was free. But the insanity is back. It’s never gonna leave us alone.” 

“I know. It’s been the most amazing thing to see. That night on the beach, I’ll never forget it. Things can still be like that.” 

“Can they? Everything is different now.” 

“And we can grow from that. Different doesn’t have to mean the end.” 

Renesmee touched his face and his eyes drifted shut at the action. “Jacob, this isn’t just about me. It’s about you, too. I don’t know which is worse. Taking advantage of you by being together or hurting you by being apart. Neither are fair or ideal. Both are killing me.” 

“You aren’t taking advantage of me.” He remained adamant. 

“I just can’t use you, Jacob. I can’t handle that, so I guess us being together is worse.” She stood, taking Jacob’s hands in hers and pulling him to his feet with her. “I think it’s time for you to leave.” 

She maneuvered him towards the door, but he dug his heels in. “Ness, please. Please, don’t make me leave. Not yet. I’m afraid that if I leave now, I lose you for good." 

Renesmee realized there was only way she could force him to leave. “Jacob, leave. I want you to leave. It would make me happy.” 

A tortured expression overcame his face, but he gave into his devotion and his need to please her. “I’ll see you tomorrow,” he promised. 

Tomorrow? That was all the time she had to grieve before she had to face him again, fight her own heart again? “Get some sleep.” 

He kissed her forehead and the tears threatened her again. His hopeless gaze remained fixed on her as he left. 

Hugging herself, she tried to come down from the intensity of their conversation. She paced back and forth, conflicted and confused. Her mind reeled as her feet burned holes in the floor. At some point, she caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror and she began to wonder who she was. Immediately, her mind told her that she was the daughter of Edward and Bella, the imprint of Jacob. Was that her sole identity? That terrified her. She liked art, but could she classify herself as an artist? She’d been so busy here that she’d had no time for painting, even as her muse flourished from her experiences. 

So, who exactly was Renesmee Carlie Cullen? 

She became determined to find her. 

Acting haphazardly and on an impulse, she began to throw her things into a suitcase, grabbing clothing at random, and she promised herself this time it would be different. She had no clear plan and lacked certainty about whether or not she wanted to go through with it. But she acted regardless, self-control gone. She dressed, leaving on Jacob’s sweatshirt. When her things were packed inside a single suitcase and duffle, she dug around in the desk for a piece of paper and a pen. She paused to make sure she hadn’t woke Charlie, but the house remained silent. 

She began to scribble down a long letter: 

To Jacob, Charlie, and Sue, 

I’m sorry for putting the three of you through this, the worry I will undoubtedly cause. I don’t wish to hurt any of you, but this is something I have to do. Tonight has me made me realize a lot about myself and my life. As cliche or ridiculous as it sounds, I need to find myself. I have no idea who I’m meant to be, what my purpose in life is. I cannot just go on as Edward and Bella’s precious daughter. I need to be a real person. I never wanted to hurt any of you, but I hope and pray you can forgive me. 

Sue: Thank you for being such a wonderful friend to me and an amazing partner to Charlie. You are irreplaceable. Take care of him and yourself. 

Grandpa Charlie: You are so wonderful and so special. You are among the greatest men I have known, however limited the list is. Thank you for letting me come stay and taking me out from under the microscope. It means more than you'll ever know. I think you of all people will understand this the most. 

Jacob: Where to begin? Perhaps with an I love you. I do, for real. I love you deeply, madly. You are the world to me. But I cannot hurt you and I cannot accept our reality, at least not right now. Please forgive me. Please don’t hate me. I know you are probably furious and worried beyond all natural reason as you read this, but I promise you I will be alright. Perhaps once I find myself, I can come back to you. Again, I love you. Don’t let this destroy you. 

To Mom and Dad, please don’t be angry with Grandpa Charlie or with Jacob. This isn’t their fault. We’ll be together again someday. I’ll be alright. 

Please don’t come after me, though I know you will look and you will do so tirelessly. I need to do this and I will stay safe. I will let you know that I am. 

I love you all and I will see you each again.

Best, Nessie 

 

Renesmee wiped at her eyes and laid the note aside, capping the pen. She gathered her things and with the prowess of her vampire parents, she creeped down the stairs. Swiping the keys to her Mother’s old truck, she loaded up her things on the back, securing them with a rope. Anxious, she looked around for any sign of Jacob on patrol, but heard and saw nothing. She stared at the house, the one that had brought her so much joy, and silently said goodbye.   
She slid behind the wheel, starting up the engine and soon she was on the main road. She’d improved quite a deal as a driver since her last joy ride for freedom thanks to Jacob. On the outskirts of town, she stopped at an ATM and withdrew as much money from her account as allowed. The next morning, as soon as the first banks opened, she would withdraw much more. She couldn’t tip anyone off to her location by using her card or other banks along the way. 

Heartsick, Renesmee drove with no destination in mind, just driving where the road and signs took her. Soon, she hit interstate and she was wide awake, knee bouncing. She had to put as much distance between her and Forks as possible; Jacob would come after her. An hour into her trip, she realized she wanted to see the beach, one where the climate was warm and the sun existed at her disposal. No more rain, no more clouds. California. She was going to California. 

Driving through the night, she stopped only out of pure necessity and not for longer than a few minutes. She felt like she was in survival mode even though there was no danger. She listened to the radio, intently focused, and tried not to think of Jacob. She hit Portland, the dash clock reading 2 AM, then Medford near the Oregon border a mere four hours later. The phone calls started then-6 AM. That was when Charlie woke up for work. He had probably went to check on her and found her gone, then raised the alarm to Jacob and Sue. Then her parents. The phone rang and rang, but she tuned them out. If she answered or listened to the countless voicemails, heard the pain and fear their voices, she would go home. 

Missed call Charlie.   
A text from Charlie.   
A text from Sue.   
Missed call Jacob.   
Missed call Jacob.   
A text from Jacob.   
Missed call Jacob.   
Missed call Mom.   
Missed call Dad.   
A text from Rose.   
Missed call Alice, Jasper.   
A missed call Esme.   
Missed call Jacob.   
Missed call Jacob.   
Missed call Jacob.   
A text from Jacob. 

She glanced at it: Are you okay? Where are you? Please answer me. 

Her phone continued to go off, crying out into the truck. Renesmee wanted to scream, wanted to turn around. She realized then they could use her phone to track her, even if she turned it off thanks to modern technology. Cranking down the old window and the crisp air sucking away her breath, Renesmee tossed her phone out the window. They would know her last location as Medford, Oregon, followed by wherever she stopped to withdraw money.   
She continued to drive. She stopped and withdrew her money, earning strange looks from the tellers. They probably wondered what she was on the run from. Me, she thought, I'm running from the old me. 

The driving went on for hours, quiet, contemplative, and lonely. She'd never been alone this long. Exhaustion caught up with her, her vision getting blurry, and she was starving. She didn't stop until she reached Eureka, California. It was mid-morning by then. She got off the interstate, too tired to even enjoy the new sights spread out in front of her. Instead, she focused on finding a decent motel and eventually she found one. 

It was nothing fancy, but it was relatively clean and safe enough that she wasn’t afraid to be alone. She paid for a room and immediately threw herself down on the bed, her luggage still packed. She was asleep before she could even force herself to do as much, dreaming of Jacob Black being by her side. 

Renesmee woke up hours later around mid-afternoon, brain foggy and stomach growling. She got up and stretched. She grabbed her keys and her purse, heading into town. There, she went into the first food establishment she found, which happened to be a hole in the wall pizza place. They sold pizza by the slice and Renesmee ordered four of them, eating them without really tasting them. It was too greasy with too little cheese, but it served her purpose. 

Renesmee sat at the counter, watching out the window. Her eyes landed on a salon across the street, a bright pink building with a flashy blue sign.   
She ran her fingers through her hair, thick and heavy. She used to dream of cutting it back in Maine. It would never grow back if she did. She’d always wanted to go short, perhaps shoulder-length, but her family had kept it long. Now it was her choice and no one was around to stop her. 

With newfound purpose, she entered the salon and a little bell announced her presence. A tall woman with bleach blonde hair looked up when she entered, smacking her gum. “How can I help you?” There was only one other customer in the room and another barber was tending to her. 

“Can you cut my hair?” She asked, her voice hoarse and strange to her own ears after such sustained silence. 

The woman snorted and indicated to the raised leather chair where Renesmee took a seat. “What’s his name?” She secured the cover around her neck, pulling out the long curls. 

“What?” 

The woman began brushing out her hair. “What’s his name? I’ve been cutting hair a long time, probably longer than you’ve been alive. I know that look on your face. Women always change their hair after a break up. It’s a way of moving on and dealing with shit. Or they lose 30 pounds. It’s all karma for their ex.” 

Renesmee stared herself down in the bright lights and shiny mirror, frowning. “His name is Jacob. He’s just one of many problems I’m trying to deal with. My life is a mess right now.” 

“Well, we can all relate to that.” She sprayed her hair down with water, shaking her head. “You have beautiful hair. You sure you want to cut it?” 

“Not really, but it’s a start.” 

“Well, it is hair. It’ll grow back.” 

Little did she know. 

She thought about her hair and realized she wanted it gone. Like so many other things, it was holding her back and it needed to go. “I’m sure. Cut it to my shoulders.” 

And soon inches of auburn hair littered the tile floor and she felt like a brand new woman.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How I love the drama. Thanks to everyone for their awesome feedback!


	14. a journey of self-discovery, a matter of life and death

Renesmee ended up in Los Angeles two days later. She set up camp at some hotel near the ocean for an indefinite time period. Using the fake passport her parents made her take everywhere, she checked in under the name Vanessa Wolfe. What an alias, though it was nothing close to her real name. 

Jacob and Vanessa Wolfe. Even their aliases had progressed. Long ago under the threat of the Volturi they would have posed as siblings. Today, as a couple. 

The truck was parked in the the hotel’s designated deck, tucked away out of sight. She hadn’t had the heart to ditch or sell it for something that blended in better, something a little less orange. She was on the lookout daily for her parents or Jacob, unready to face them and prepared to take off again to avoid it. She didn’t know what had her so humiliated and so hurt. The imprint, she guessed, the suddenness of departure. Jacob’s murderous intentions for her the night she was born. The secrets too, though she did understand why they had lied to her. 

During that first week, she went shopping and bought clothes better suited for the weather. The sunshine that beat down on her felt incredible and rejuvenating. Her skin was exposed, warm to the touch. If she weren’t frozen in time, she would surely freckle. Her auburn hair, light and bouncy, glittered in the light. 

She bought oil paint supplies and lamps, setting up in her hotel room to work as if she owned the place. Finally, she could paint for hours at a time, smearing her skin and the canvas with the many colors. Her muse was more alive than it had ever been before. It fed off her experience and heartache, giving birth to powerful and intense pieces. She kept painting love in one form or another and Jacob was present in each painting, even if only in the colors she chose. Sometimes she painted portraits of him using her own vivid memory, the sun warming his tanned face and raven hair. His kind, guarded eyes. 

It hurt to look at it. It hurt to think of him and she did her best not to. 

Her art thrived and improved. Multiple pieces sat complete in the corner. She didn’t know what to do with them, so she settled to stare and wonder how they could be improved. .   
Over those few weeks, Renesmee relished in her time alone. She went to the beach daily, basking in the sun and the sand. She read books from the comfort of a towel or lawn chair. She built sandcastles. There was always music playing, loud and energetic. She tried restaurants on her own and went sightseeing to all the hot spots, behaving like a tourist. One day was spent in a single art museum from the moment it opened until it closed. That was serenity, that was joy. She would do it again. She walked the boardwalks and the city, taking it all in and capturing photos with a disposable camera. 

There were no phone calls, no helicopter parents, no imprints. It was just her and the world. 

But she felt guilty for the worry and fear her family had to feel. She felt miserable for the agony she was putting Jacob through. How did it feel to have your imprint vanish in the middle of night after they rejected you? 

She went to parties, drank but couldn’t get drunk, and kissed strange boys, but never went further than that. Jacob’s face always appeared in her mind and she couldn’t bear to move on. Not for real. Not now. Not ever? 

At night, she’d lie in bed and think of Jacob, losing herself in heated memories of the two of them, then in her own body. 

During this time period, she found herself buried deep in the sand and hidden beneath her hair, protective layers of clothing, and the overprotective people who loved her deeply. Frantically and with new resolve, she began to dig herself free. Who was Renesmee Carlie Cullen? 

She hated the name Renesmee to begin with, though adored her Mom’s creativity. But, please, call her Ness. Or Nessie, if you feel like it. Those are easily pronounced. 

Ness likes many things and she is many things. 

She likes: sleeping in late and under a thousand blankets, long baths with fancy bubbles, art, dramatic eyeshadow looks, only the flavor mint chocolate chip in ice cream, the color pink, short hair, going barefoot, lemon tea, reruns of F.R.I.E.N.D.S. She likes books and being alone sometimes, if not most of the time. She would rather listen, especially if it is gossip, than talk. She likes to stay up late, sometimes for no reason at all. She has never had sex, but already knows she likes, no, loves, it. She likes being right. She likes the feeling of ocean waves against her skin and the risk of going skinny dipping. She likes taking chances. 

She is: bratty, spoiled, whiny, self-centered, unsure, messy. She is: passionate, determined, artistic, emotional, feminine, loving, sarcastic, outspoken. 

She is sunshine. Her strong presence brings warmth and light and radiance, but it will burn you if you don’t exercise caution. 

Renesmee loves Ness, loves herself, for everything that she is and isn’t. 

One day, though she was still well off, Renesmee realized that she may have a money problem. It dwindles quickly when it is being spent and more isn’t being added, she thought as she counted the cash in her wallet. 

So she got a job. Her. A Cullen. Unbelievable. 

She picked up one as a waitress at this bar and grill. The money was lousy and her co-workers were mostly unpleasant. Some of them flirted with her each chance they got, obvious and obnoxious. Never having worked a day in her life, she was a terrible waitress and should have been fired on her first day. But she was beautiful and charming, raking in tips regardless of her lack of grace and tendency to mess up orders or forget them entirely. Her boss thought she was hot, occasionally made passes at her, and she was allowed to stay on. 

She kissed a guy from work, but he wasn’t Jacob and it ended with that. 

People thought she was strange. No phone, lived in a hotel, never mentioned family. How very odd. 

One night, a fight broke out at the bar: two drunk men arguing over a woman. Glass was broken, skin bashed open. Renesmee, who had been taking an order when it broke out, stiffened. Her face drained of color. The smell of blood washed over her, filling her lungs and tempting her like a cardinal sin. This hadn’t happened since the night in the kitchen with Sue. She dug her nails down deep into her own skin, trying to hold herself back. She could practically taste it, the thickness and the iron. How sweet. Her teeth throbbed just thinking about it and how badly she wanted a bite. She fantasized about it dripping down and coating her chin. 

One of the men rolled over from his stomach to his back, strengthening the smell. She grabbed ahold of the table, willing herself to stay in control. He continued to bleed while they waited for the police and paramedics to arrive. Renesmee couldn’t stand it a minute longer and ran outside before she attacked. On the street, she panted, hands on her knees, and her vision felt blurry. She hurried down the street toward the hotel, off balance and dazed. The hunger still nawed at her. People likely thought she was drunk. 

She managed to safely make it to the hotel and stumbled into the elevator, slamming the button to try and ensure no one joined her. The doors were nearly shut when a hand slide in between them and the doors separated. A man darted inside, sweat dripping down his neck and arms. He must have went for a run. His scent overwhelmed her. 

Distrusting herself, Renesmee moved to the far corner of the elevator and closed her eyes. She counted to ten and tried to imagine what Jacob would say to her, how he would talk her down. Ness, it’s alright, you can get through this. I know you’re strong enough to get through it. 

She hoped he was right. 

Her mouth was watering. The man typed away at his phone, unaware of her state. He pressed a button for his floor. The doors slid shut. They were alone.   
All Renesmee could think about was sinking her teeth into his neck. 

The elevator traveled up through the floors. 

He shifted on his feet, his scent increasing tenfold. Renesmee wished she could physically restrain herself. She looked around, desperate for help. There was a camera in the elevator. The doors opened on the man’s floor, one below hers. 

He exited, still on his phone with his head down. 

Renesmee followed him, fighting herself internally.   
He walked past a vent, the air blowing his scent directly upon her and she felt like she’d been touched by her heart’s strongest desire.   
And then it was over.   
Minutes later, he laid on the floor with gaping holes in his neck. Renesmee slowly stood, wiping the blood from her mouth and staring at it in horror. She sobbed violently for the life she had taken. Why, why? Did she have no self-control? But what terrified her most was that the hunger and pain she felt had only subsided a fraction. 

She had to check into another hotel. She had left the body in the hallway, heard the shrill scream of the person who discovered him as she packed her things, leaving behind her unsigned paintings. How would it be explained? An animal attack in a developed building in the middle of a city? 

She’d been so careless, so cruel. 

That same night, she trapped herself in her new hotel room and restrained herself to the bed. She’d used sheets from the other bed, ripping them to shred. Deep down, she knew they would ultimately be to no avail if her hunger got strong enough. She couldn’t stand the thought of harming someone else, but the blood lust threatened to overwhelm her sense of humanity. 

So she did the only thing she could think of. Renesmee picked up the hotel phone, hands shaking, and dialed the person who always kept her safe: “You have to come get me, I’ve...I’ve done something terrible. I need your help. Please. You have to help me.” 

And now she waited and waited. She made her restraints tighter and the hunger grew stronger. She felt her hands tensing to rip the sheets apart. 

After hours of an endless battle against herself, she gave in when the pain became unbearable, enough to make her scream out. She broke free and she hit the streets. She needed blood. She needed it so desperately and it was the only thing that mattered in that moment. 

A target presented itself in the form of a young girl in an alley. Renesmee followed her for a long time, lurking and waiting and starving, and she felt more in touch with her vampire side than she ever had in her life. All her brain could think about was blood. Soon, an opportunity came. Renesmee grabbed the girl, throwing her against the wall. 

Except this was no ordinary girl. This girl was a vampire. 

She threw Renesmee back against the opposite wall, laughing as she made contact with the hard bricks and slid down. Her body screamed out in pain and she groaned. How had she been so stupid as to not see that? Was she so blinded by the craving that she could not even rationally decipher who was human and who was not? 

The vampire picked her up by the neck, pinning her against the wall. She sneered, her dark hair shadowing her face. “I really should rip your head off for daring to attack me. Are you a newborn? A strangely weak one if so.” 

“I thought you were a-” 

“Human? Clearly.” The vampire studied her face and a sense of shock so strong overcame her that she released her grip on Renesmee’s neck. She gaped. “You...you’re her. You’re the hybrid. Of the Cullen coven. I’ve heard about you. We’ve all heard of you.” 

Renesmee gasped for air, her hands shaking. She still wanted to feed so desperately. 

The vampire circled her in worry, talking more to herself than Renesmee. “You. You’re the one who killed that human at the hotel, aren’t you? You’re out of control. They said you weren’t a threat to our secret.” Fear filled her eyes. “The Volturi…..they’ll come for you soon enough.” 

Renesmee hadn’t even considered that. Once again, her life was at stake at the hands of the Volturi. “Oh, God. Oh, God.” 

“I have to report this, you’ve broken laws.” 

Her eyes flashed as history repeated itself, though the accusations this time would be true. “No!” Knowing she could not let her escape this alley and report her, she grabbed the vampire woman roughly from behind. Soon, they were fighting, ripping and tearing. She was thrown back into the wall and left beaten and bruised. 

It was a matter of life and death. 

And Renesmee was losing. Even a hybrid, she was not strong enough to fight a vampire. She laid on the ground, her body on fire and aching all over. Through tunnel vision, Renesmee saw the woman nearing the end of the alley to escape. But then she jerked to a stop, tensing. Low, familiar growling filled the air and Renesmee saw a dark shape creeping forward from the opposite end. 

And it attacked the vampire woman, snarling and biting, the woman screaming. It was vicious, protective, unavoidable. Soon, she called out one last time as death claimed her. 

The figure came to Renesmee. A large auburn wolf. It nuzzled against her, searching for damage and whining softly. She wrapped her arms around its neck and held on tight, eyes shut in order to not cry. Physical pain numbed the blood lust. 

Jacob. Jacob was here and she was safe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I could never leave Jacob out for even an entire chapter. I hope you guys are enjoying where this is heading! Any predictions?


	15. where they go from here

Renesmee awoke to the smell of snow, light and pure, clean and cold. She stared out the glass window, squinting from the sunlight as she watched the flakes settle. Missing the sun of California, she pulled a borrowed sweater tighter around herself.

She and Jacob had gone to the Denali coven for refuge; Maine had been too far and they couldn't risk Forks. They'd been there two days, waiting for her family to arrive. A plan of action needed to be formed and agreed upon. 

Her blood lust had faded to an ache upon their arrival, likely because she was far from humans. But it still plagued at her, always on her mind. Deep, painful hunger, something she could not satisfy. She thought constantly of the man she killed. She didn't even know his name. Did he have a family? Dreams?

Did he have a great love? 

After rescuing her in the alley, Jacob hadn't spoken a word to her. Not a single word. Even as he cleaned her wounds with the utmost, tender care, he had remained silent. When she'd thanked him for his help, he'd only nodded his head. He'd stared out the window on the Cullen family's private plane and ignored her like she didn't exist for the entire duration of the flight. And he didn't look at her any other time if he could help it, eyes down and focused on the task of keeping her safe. 

It would have hurt less if he'd screamed at her, told her how angry and hurt he was. How she had abandoned him and worried him, put him through hell when she vanished. But he ignored her and left her wondering if he'd ever stop, if he could ever forgive her. 

Could she forgive him for the night she was born and his murderous intentions? They were playing the same game and she didn't know if they'd ever quit, if anyone could win. What would count as winning? Would it even be worth the cost of playing? 

She didn't know how to approach him either, how to provoke a reaction. What did she want? She only knew that she'd missed him and that she wished things were different. So she settled to watch him pretend she wasn't there. 

Renesmee watched an SVU appear on the drive and Jacob joined her, abandoning the book he'd been attempting to read. He'd only turned the page four times; it was clearly a rouse to avoid her. Tanya joined them, then Kate and Garrett, followed by Carmen and Eleazar. Watching the Cullen clan disperse, the moment between the group passed like every other here thus far: tense and silent. It was risky business and no one was in the mood for socializing. 

“It's like an invasion,” Garrett said in distaste and to no one in particular. 

As they neared the house, Renesmee could finally see the individual faces of the members of her family. Her parents, both of whom looked as weary as two immortals could. Grandpa Carlisle, briefcase in hand and Grandma Esme on his arm. A heart broken Rose and Emmett with a hand on her waist. Alice and Jasper, an anxious pair. 

But there was someone else with them as well. A man, tall with long, dark hair. He was dressed like her family in designer clothes, but somehow out of his element. He seemed uneasy with the cold.   
“Nahuel?” Renesmee and Jacob said in unison, glancing at one another and immediately looking away. 

Nahuel-another hybrid whose peaceful existence had saved her from the Volturi and whose immortality allowed her family to not fear for her future. Until now, of course. She hardly knew him, yet felt nothing but warm gratitude towards him. Had her family contacted him? Did they think he could help? 

The Cullens and Nahuel entered the house. There were few warm greetings between them and their cousins given the circumstances, only brief hellos and curt waves. 

Renesmee could practically touch the tension and unease radiating off Jacob as he watched Nahuel. 

Alice gasped when she saw Renesmee. “You cut your hair.” She sounded deeply offended by it, even hurt. Her hand came to her mouth. 

“Bet you're finally glad you can't see her future,” Emmett said, but no one was in the mood to laugh. 

Edward and Bella rushed forward and took their daughter in their arms. They would never let her go again. She clung to them tightly, reacquainting herself with the chill of their skin and their intense love. Her Mother pulled back and stroked her face, tracing the faint marks that still lingered. “She hurt you,” she said, furiously, in reference to the vampire from the alley. 

Jacob crossed his arms, staring down Nahuel as he spoke. His very presence had bristled him, leaving his body on edge and ready for a fight. “For an immortal, she's pretty   
destructible. Bruises like a damn peach.” He still sounded angry about the attack. “She gets it from you, Bells.” 

Renesmee tried not to stare at him, having missed the sound of his voice. She had so much she wanted to show him of her time in Los Angeles. It would be more special if she could share it.   
Her family took turns embracing her, Nahuel hanging back. The Denalis watched anxiously, engaging in silent judgement with one another. Though they were family and had stood against the Volturi in her defense before, it was clear they wanted the Cullens gone. It was different this time: laws had actually been broken. Renesmee had done something wrong and put their families at detrimental risk. 

Her parents led her toward Nahuel, arms still around her. “You remember Nahuel, don't you, Renesmee? He's come to help us,” her Father said. 

Nahuel smiled. “It's nice to see you again, Renesmee. You've certainly changed since I saw you last.” His eyes raked her briefly. 

“You can call me Ness. Different girl, same circumstances, I'm afraid.” She extended her hand towards him and he shook it vigorously. “But you look different as well. Calvin Klein suits you.” 

She could feel Jacob's stare. Now he was looking at her. It had her wanting to roll her eyes. 

Nahuel lit up and he gazed her, making Renesmee glance away shyly. Only Jacob looked at her that intensely. 

Carlisle cleared his throat and swooped in for the rescue. “Yes, same circumstances. I think we should begin discussing the matter and surveying the damage and our options moving forward.” 

A chorus of nods came forward. 

“Have you had any visions of the Volturi? Of Aro?” Edward asked Alice. 

She shook her head. “No.” Everyone could hear the unspoken ‘not yet’ that followed. 

“And you're certain that the vampire from the alley is dead, Jacob?” Carlisle asked. He seemed only at peace with the murder since it protected a member of his family. 

“As certain as decapitation and flames can be, Doc,” Jacob replied. “She won't be making any reports to King of the Bloodsuckers.” He looked around the room, then shrugged. “No offense.” 

“Can someone throw the dog out already?” Rosalie asked and Renesmee gave her a look, making her favorite aunt huff. 

“Any other witnesses?” Edward asked, squeezing Bella's arm. 

Jacob shook his head. “No. I looked. Clear there.” 

“I've been keeping any eye on the news in LA. The hotel case has been labeled a murder, but none of the stories have said anything about gaping bite wounds to the neck. We may be in the clear in that regard, as long as Aro doesn't have an inside man in the department. That seems highly unlikely,” Rosalie said, triumphantly. 

Jasper jumped in then. “I pulled a favor and a friend secured me the security footage from the elevator. No proof that Ness was with him before the attack, so there will be no news bulletins with her grainy face on them. I destroyed the tape.” 

“Even we don't look good in security cameras,” Alice remarked, trying to lighten the mood. Jasper couldn't hide a faint smile. 

“Though the same friend did tell me the police do wish to speak to a Vanessa Wolfe who checked out of the hotel shortly following the murder after a two month stay,” he continued, but shrugged as if he didn't consider it much of a concern. 

Bella squeezed Renesmee's shoulder. “Time for a new alias and passport then, huh? Good old J. Jenks.” 

Renesmee had been listening to this conversation regarding her own actions and fate purely as a spectator. They were talking about her as if she wasn't even there. She felt helpless, like some burden to be carried. She felt powerless. She felt like a danger. A black hole from the past was slowly swallowing her again; it felt like Maine. Her eyes went to Jacob for support and found his gaze for the first time in days. He reflected her own concern and frustration. 

Carlisle had been listening thoughtfully as well. “It seems like we're secure in regard to the events of LA, which is a relief. We may avoid confrontation with the Volturi on that matter. That brings us to the blood lust, an arguably more complex issue to resolve.” 

Edward crossed his arms, a predatory look in his eyes. “And I think Nahuel may have something to share about that.” He'd clearly been reading some minds the last few minutes. 

Renesmee jerked her head towards Nahuel. “What? What do you know?” 

Nahuel fidgeted, uncomfortable and ashamed as every eye focused on him. “Yes...I do. I know all about the blood lust..because I experienced it myself when I reached maturity.” 

“And you didn't tell us? What the hell?” Jacob lunged towards Nahuel, eyes flashing, and Renesmee feared he'd shift. Emmett and Jasper intercepted Jacob and held him back as he struggled to reach the male hybrid. “Do you realize the danger you put Ness in, not to mention the emotional toll this has taken on her? If we'd known, we could have prevented this. I could have protected her!” 

“What did you want me to do? Confess in front of the Volturi that I went through a period of uncontrollable blood lust when they already feared what they didn't know? When they thought we'd expose them?” Nahuel shook his head adamantly. “They would have killed Ness and I both, then all of you when you tried to stop it.” 

Renesmee stepped away from her parents and came towards him, hands curled into fists at her sides. She'd killed an innocent man-a life lost in vain. “But you could have told us later when it was safe. You had seven years, Nahuel!” 

He hung his head. “I know. I should have told you. You deserved to know.” 

“So why didn't you tell us then?” Bella demanded, angrily, and Edward put his hand up in order to hold her back. 

A long sigh escaped Nahuel's mouth. His tone gained a defensive and self-excusing tone. “I didn't know for certain that Renesmee would experience it like I had or even at all. And what if the Volturi had returned and Aro had read your thoughts? Then what? You were better off not knowing. And as pathetic as it sounds in retrospect, I didn't wish to alarm you without knowing for sure.” 

She could hardly believe this. He had a point about the Volturi, but her anger increased tenfold regardless. “Alarm us? I killed someone! An innocent person! Now I could be killed myself!”   
Jacob continued to struggle against the grip Jasper and Emmett had on him. “That's a load of crap, Nahuel, and we all know it.” He gave up fighting when he realized he wouldn't be allowed to harm the hybrid. His voice, however, kept a sharp edge. “Do you wanna know what I think? I think he didn't tell us because he wanted to have some claim on Ness for himself. He wants her to need him. Think about it, Bells, Edward. If we know everything there is to know about hybrids, he has no reason to be apart of her life. Hell, he wouldn't be standing here right now if that weren't the case. He's manipulated the situation to make Ness rely on him so he can stay relevant and her life is in danger because of it!” 

Renesmee's eyes widened. Could Jacob be right? Had Nahuel gone to such extreme and premeditated ends to hold some kind of ‘claim’ on her? The idea made her skin crawl. Was it true? She didn’t know, but she did trust Jacob. Or was he just jealous, protective as a result of the imprint bond? 

Jacob growled and he shook with rage. Nahuel held his ground warily, unsure of how to handle this, but prepared to fight. 

“You shift in my house and I'll fry your ass,” Kate hissed, the first and only Denali to speak during this deliberation. 

Carlisle held up his hands “Everyone, please, let's calm down. We are guests here. And we cannot change the past. What matters now is that Nahuel wants to helps us, whatever his motivations may be, and we must focus on curing Ness.” 

Begrudged nodding followed and Jacob backed down, crossing his arms. He met her eyes and the devotion washed over her nerves. 

Carlisle sighed. “Nahuel, tell us about your blood lust.” 

Nahuel nodded, slowly. He focused on Carlisle as he spoke, a point of comfort for anyone who met him. “I'd just reached maturity. I was in the woods, hunting to eat. Suddenly, I smelt blood, human blood, and all I could think of was the kill. But I was able to fight it that time. But it got stronger. Much stronger.” 

Renesmee thought back on Charlie's stabbed neighbor, the way she'd focused on her blood. Then Sue's cut finger. What if she had hurt Sue? Further resentment towards Nahuel poked at her.   
Pacing the room, Nahuel lost himself in the tale. “When the blood lust grew to be unbearable and I finally made a kill, I couldn't stop. It was like the vampire side of me was fighting the human one for control. Or like being a newborn once immortality finally came. I killed any human that came within a mile of me. Eventually, I fled as deep into the jungle as I could and isolated himself. There were days the hunger hurt so badly I wished to kill myself.” He seemed haunted by the memories and Renesmee latched onto his pain and that of his victims. 

Her feelings were so complicated towards Nahuel. Pity, anger, gratitude. 

“How long did it last?” Bella asked, staring at her daughter in frantic concern. 

“Two years,” he replied. His lips formed a hard line. 

Gasps echoed from her family. 

Renesmee felt sick. 

Rosalie looked like someone had ripped something precious away from her, the only thing that mattered. It seemed the thought of the closest thing she had to a child suffering so terribly was more than she could bear. “How did you stop it?” Her tone made it clear that she would sacrifice anything, whatever it took. 

“I didn't. It stopped on it's own. Unexpectedly. Suddenly, I didn't feel the hunger anymore. Things went back to normal.” 

And Renesmee felt resolve fade away and tears filled her eyes. They were powerless against this blood lust. They could try to contain it, but they couldn't stop it despite the fact that it could mean her end. There were days the hunger was so bad he had wished to kill himself. She went numb to the reality. 

Jacob shook his head in adamantly. Watching him, Renesmee knew he could not accept the fact that there was nothing he could do to save her from this. He wouldn’t be able to handle watching her suffer through this. “No, there's gotta to be a way. Someone somewhere has to know something!” 

“No,” Nahuel said, at a loss, “there is no one. I tried. It will have to run its course.” 

Jacob desperately turned to Edward, then Carlisle. “No one? There's no one? Nothing?” 

Edward and Carlisle both looked like they had finally lost the worst battle of their lives. 

Nahuel came towards Renesmee who stared at the floor, lost in thought about the suffering she would soon endure. He took her hand in his. “You can survive this.” He looked around at each of the rest of the Cullens. “I can help Renesmee through this-I owe her that much after not telling you all the truth. I saved her life once, I can do it again.”

Edward's jaw set. “Get to the point.” 

“What Father Bloodsucker said,” Jacob echoed, crossing his arms. 

Nahuel nodded curtly-he would not test his luck. “I have a suggestion for you all to consider. Ness should return to Brazil with me to my home. It's isolated-we can go far from where there are any humans and bunker down. I can help her cope with the hunger. It's safe from the eyes of the Volturi as well.”

Renesmee's head jerked up. Brazil? With Nahuel? 

“Ness won't be going into another room alone with you, let alone the middle of God knows where in another country.” Jacob was nearly laughing at the ridiculousness of such a suggestion, but his eyes and stance carried a threat. Just try to leave with her, I'll kill you, he seemed to say. “And this suggestion of yours really doesn't help your case of ‘I'm not in this for myself.’” 

Edward carried the same defensive air. “Bella and I will never allow our daughter to go off with a stranger, even one who is trying to help.” 

“Especially if we don't completely trust said stranger,” Bella said, eyes narrowed. 

“Want me to beat him?” Emmett asked. He looked excited at the opportunity. 

“And we would certainly never let her live in the woods,” Rosalie said with a scrunch of her nose. 

Alice nodded curtly in agreement. “It's dirty there. She needs a bed, showers. I'll take her to Serbia or, heaven forbid, the Arctic, before I let her sleep in the woods. This is going to be horrible enough. She needs nice things and family, not isolation and…... sweat.” 

Nahuel looked disgusted. “What do you want to do then? She needs to be away from civilization. And you all can't come. That will draw too much attention.” 

He did have a point there. And Renesmee didn't know if she wanted to have her entire family there to hover over and take care of her. It might hurt them too much to witness such a sight. A crowd could be miserable, suffocating. But she didn't know how she felt about disappearing into the jungle: she was a creature of comfort. As far as Nahuel was concerned, she didn’t know how she felt about being alone with him. Thoughts of a so called claim and their similarities filled her mind. 

She didn’t know if she could leave Jacob again. She knew for certain he couldn't lose her again. The imprint bond could not handle the burden of such fear and anxiety at their separation.   
Esme spoke then for the first time. “What if they didn't go into the jungle? What if we sent them to Isle Esme?” 

Every ear perked. There was an idea. 

“Esme?” Carlisle repeated the word like he hadn't even thought of it. 

She nodded. “It's private with no humans for miles, but we can still know exactly where Ness is. Not to mention, she will be comfortable and it's, well, nice. Not dirty.” 

Renesmee felt a weight on her heart begin to lift. 

“Ness can return to the place where she was conceived.” Emmett grinned and Rosalie shoved him. 

“It's a good idea,” Jasper said. “And if we're asked questions, it'll be easy to explain, too.” 

Bella shook her head and Edward placed his hands on her shoulders. “I still don't want Ness alone with him.” She said him as if Nahuel was a stain, a diseased pest. “I don't want her away from me. Not again. Look what happened.” 

“I don't like it either.” Jacob sized Nahuel up and Emmett preemptively grabbed his arm. “I don't trust him. She's vulnerable.” 

They were all still talking about her as if she wasn’t there, even Jacob by this point. It could be so infuriating. 

Nahuel stepped closer to Jacob and Jasper stepped between them, the Cullens in the middle of the two angry men. “I would never hurt Ness. All of you must believe that. I came to help and maybe you could remember that long enough to trust me.” 

Jacob broke free of Emmett. “If you really wanted to help, you would have told us this years ago.” 

“I know. But I’m here now and I’m your only hope.” 

The arguing continued, her parents jumping in and the rest of her family, too. Voices raised, angry and sharp despite their melodious sound. It passed in white noise for Renesmee, who felt like an afterthought in her own fate. A background character. Someone needed to take action and make a decision before it was too late. And that person needed to be her. It affected her most. It was her pain. Her guilt. Her life. It was her decision. 

“Enough!” she exclaimed, pushing aside her uncles to stand between Jacob and Nahuel. The force behind her demand resulted in immediate silence. Jasper and Emmett slowly backed up, but stayed close in case a fight broke out. Renesmee glanced between Jacob and Nahuel, focusing on Nahuel. “It’s my turn to speak. I think it’s my right to decide what happens here. I’m the one directly dealing with it. I will be one to suffer and fight. Nahuel, I don’t why you want to help me, but I don’t think you’re a villain in this story. And, really, I’m desperate enough that it doesn’t matter. You’re the only other person who has been through this. That is why I will go with you to Isle Esme.” 

Sighs from her family followed, defeated and troubled. Jacob stiffened, a sharp breath escaping his mouth. Nahuel was nodding along with her. 

“But Jacob will come with me.” Renesmee turned towards him and their eyes held the same apprehension, the same longing. She felt safe under his gaze. “He can help. He takes care of me. He keeps me grounded.” Her voice softened. She wished to touch Jacob, have him hold her. 

Hearing that seemed to please Jacob-his shoulders relaxed. He lingered on her face, expression serious, yet hopeful. Then he focused on Nahuel. “And I will kill you with no hesitation if you try anything.” 

“With our full support and endorsement,” Edward added with a threatening smile. 

Nahuel continued to nod slowly. “That will not be necessary, but I understand your fear.” He took Renesmee’s hand in his, devotion radiating off his words, “I will not let you down.”   
Hand still in Nahuel, she turned towards Jacob, who watched them tensely. She quickly looked away towards Carlisle. “When do we leave?” 

That night, their last night with the Denali coven, Renesmee couldn’t sleep. She tossed and turned, mind restless and anxiety ridden. She went to the window in her room and watched the snow fall, heavy as it buried the compound. Her eyes focused on the small wing spread out far from the rest of the home. It was intended for guests, those who desired privacy. Jacob was staying there; the Denalis could hardly stand his small. 

No lights burned in the room, meaning he was asleep, but it didn’t matter. 

Renesmee pulled her sweater tighter around her body and shuffled down the long corridor, mind focused on comfort. The air nipped at her skin and she craved Jacob’s warmth. 

The door was cracked open and she hesitated outside of it, wondering if she should knock. If she should even go in. 

He suddenly sat up in the bed, turning towards the door. The moonlight illuminated the room and his skin; he looked godly. “Ness?” His voice was alert, but tired. He hadn’t been able to sleep either. Only nodding her head, she crept into the room and quietly closed the door behind her. “Are you okay?” 

A nod again. He sat up, watching her in confusion with those eyebrows of his furrowed, and Renesmee couldn’t resist. She crossed the dark room and crawled into the bed with him, sprawling her body out across his, face buried in this neck and arms clinging to him. Her emotions felt heightened, all consuming. She practically choked on them. She was so scared and lonely. Jacob let out a gasp at the sensation of being so close after months apart, the feel of her body pressed against him. Hips digging into his, chests heaving. 

“I missed you so much,” she breathed against his skin, pressing her lips against his neck for a desperate kiss and drawing moan out of him. 

“Ness, we can’t be like this…you’re just..you’re upset.” He released another breath when she continued to kiss him. “Christ, Ness, you’re freezing.” 

“So hold me closer. I want you. I know you want me too.” She could feel the very evidence of that. 

He shook his head and pulled away from her embrace. “I do, but not like this. Not for our first time. We’re not together and we’re both not in the right space for it. And there are about a hundred vampires in this house and one of them, who happens to be your father, can read minds.” 

She pressed herself closer against him, running her hands up and down in his arms in a teasing graze. “I just want you.” Touching his face, Renesmee showed him memories of herself in LA of those nights by herself in her hotel room when she pictured him atop of her. 

Shock and desire crossed his face. But then he stood so quickly that he knocked Renesmee onto the other side of the bed. He panted heavily where he stood, running his hands through his hair and struggling to maintain control. “Fuck. Fuck. We can’t. You need to go.” 

Renesmee crawled toward the edge of the bed, taking his hands in hers. “Jacob, please, I need you. I am so scared right now and I don’t know what to do about it. I just need you, please. I’m trying so hard to be brave, but I am terrified that I’m going to die. That the Volturi are going to figure out what happened or that this bloodlust is going to destroy me.” Her voice cracked and tears began to fall.

Jacob looked like he had been struck. A pained, angry expression filled his face-a rage she had not witnessed since those boys hurt her in Maine-and he gripped her hands tightly in his. She stared up at him through her tears, trembling. One hand came to touch her face, clutching it tenderly, and her eyes drifted shut at the security and comfort that washed over her. “Ness, I promise you. I am not going to let anything happen to you, alright? You are not going to die. I will keep you safe. I will always keep you safe. I’m here to protect you and that’s what I’m going to do.” 

And the fear lessened. He would always protect her. Always. No matter what. 

“But I can’t be with you tonight.” 

“Don't you miss me?” 

He stared at her, entranced. But then he looked away from her, casting his eyes on the floor. “I don't want to be with you tonight.” 

She could see the physical evidence of the contrary, combined with the primal hunger in his eyes. A look that indicated he wanted nothing more than to lay her down and cover her body with his own. Yet he was rejecting her and though she knew that being together given the circumstances was not a wise idea, embarrassment washed over her. To hear that he didn’t want her, even as a blatant lie, cut deeply. The way she had thrown herself at him, how humiliating! 

Skin flushed, she dropped his hands and scrambled to her feet. “You're right. I need to go. This was a terrible idea.” She pushed past him for the door, unsure of where she wanted to go and only knowing she had to get away before she cried. 

“Ness, wait, let’s not leave it like this.” Jacob followed her into the corridor, jogging to keep up with her pace. “Ness, where are you going?” 

She continued to march. “I don’t know!” She looked around wildly, saw the front door and a blanket of snow on the ground. “Outside, quit following me!” She walked faster. 

“Outside? It’s freezing outside! It’s fucking snowing!” 

The door slammed behind her. “I said quit following me!” The night air chilled her immediately, sinking through the skin and causing her teeth to chatter. She wanted to pull her sweater tighter around herself, but didn’t want to prove him correct. She shuffled her slipper-covered feet on the porch. Snowflakes coated her hair and clothes, making her look angelic in the darkness, only the glow of the porch lamp and the moon illuminating her skin. 

“Ness, let’s go inside! You’re freezing. Why are we even out here?” He tried not sound frustrated. 

“Just leave me alone, Jacob. You haven’t wanted to speak to me for three days, why now?” She turned away from him, crossing her hands. 

He threw his hands up in the air. “If we’re gonna be like that, then fine. Here's typical Ness, running away when things go badly and she isn't happy!" 

“Wow, low blow, Jacob! Do you think I am proud of it? I’m not.” Her voice cracked and she looked away. Jacob stepped towards her, but she held up a hand. “Tonight.....I just thought that it didn’t matter anymore because of the danger we’re in. None of it. Not the imprint. Not the lying. Not me running away. I guess that was my mistake." 

He shook his head, sighing. “We can’t just act like it didn’t happen for one night, Ness! I know you’re still angry about the imprint and everything that came before it. I don’t blame you. It was horrible and I would change it if I could. But, God, Ness, I’m pissed at you, too!” His voice rose and he hesitated a mere second before bursting out, “You left me for two months, Renesmee! For two months I didn’t know where you were or if you were safe. Do you know what that felt like? It felt like I’d lost the only thing that mattered to me. It felt like...it felt like the world was spinning out of control. I could barely even think, let alone take care of myself. I never stopped looking for you...the first few days, I ran down the coast and back until I could barely move. All I could think about was finding you and finding you alive….I don’t know what I would have done if you hadn’t been, if I had seen you that way. I think it would have been the end. I kept staring at my phone and waiting for you to call. Day after day. I was losing my mind, just waiting for you to come back to me. Then you finally did call, begging for my help and it didn’t feel real. Then I got to LA and found you half-dead and bleeding in an alleyway and I could only wonder how things went to hell so quickly. So, yeah, Renesmee, I’m pissed at you and I didn’t want to talk to you because of it. I don’t think you can blame me for that. And I can’t act like you didn’t hurt me and that it didn’t matter. It did. It still does.” 

Tears rolled down her cheeks and a sob rattled her chest. “I’m sorry, Jacob. I’m so sorry I ran off and that I worried you and that I hurt you. I was thinking of you the entire time. I missed you the entire time. I wanted you there.” 

“Oh, so were you missing me when you cut all your hair off?” 

“I like my hair.” 

“I never said I didn’t.” 

She ran a hand through her hair, the cold forgotten. Staring up at him, her eyes pleaded with him to understand her. “Jacob, I was hurt, too. I couldn’t bear the idea of seeing you again right after learning about….everything that had happened. It was too much. I didn’t want to see you.” 

“So you ran off? You could have just asked for some space!” 

Her eyebrow arched. “Would you have given it to me? Would the imprint have let you?” His eyes dropped. “Exactly. And it was more than that, Jacob. Forks had given me a taste of my own identity, but I had no idea who I was. It was suffocating me. I needed to be on my own, needed to be alone.” 

“So you ran off to find yourself and hurt everyone you loved in the process?” 

“Stop making me feel worse about it than I already do! I had to do this and I had to do it for me. I’m sorry my life didn’t revolve around each of you for five minutes.” 

“Your life revolving around us? I think you have it backwards, Renesmee.” He paced the porch, arms shaking. “You could have taken me with you.” 

“You clearly haven’t been listening because we both know that was not an option. I needed to be alone. I’m not repeating it again. Please, I’m not asking you to forgive me. I just want you to understand.” 

A growl left his lips and he threw his hands into the air. “I’m trying…I’m trying……I am trying so hard, but I just can’t stop being angry yet.” 

Yet. He said yet. Hope. 

“Well, I’m not ready to stop being angry, either. Yet.” 

“So it’s an armistice?” 

“I suppose it is.” 

Suddenly, the front door was being pushed open and an exhausted, yet worried Nahuel appeared on the porch. He looked between the two of them, hands shoved in his pockets as he shivered in place. “Is everything alright? I heard yelling.” He focused on her, eyes soft. “Ness, are you okay?” 

Jacob’s jaw set. “Everything is fine, Nahuel. She’s fine.” 

“I asked her, not you.” He continued to look at her expectantly. 

“I’m fine,” Renesmee replied, quietly, as she looked between the two men in apprehension of a fight. “Jacob and I just have some things to work through. It's nothing to be worried about.” 

“What type of things?” 

“The kind that aren’t any of your business. Personal relationship stuff.” Renesmee grabbed Jacob’s arm, digging her nails in. 

Nahuel’s eyes widened and he became flustered. “No one said anything. I assumed you were just good friends. I didn’t realize you were in a relationship.” 

“We’re not,” Renesmee said, hiding her sadness at the fact, in unison with Jacob’s defiant, “It’s complicated, alright?” They glanced at one another, both hurting and filled with rage, then looked away. 

He managed to nod. “I see.” A moment of silence settled between the trio and Nahuel eventually cleared his throat. “Well, I’m glad you’re alright, Ness. We should probably go back to bed now. We do leave in just a few hours and you look as cold as I feel. Can I escort you back to your room?” 

Just as Jacob looked like he might protest such an offer, Renesmee said, “No thank you. Goodnight, Nahuel. Jacob.” She looked between the two men who continued to stare one another down, eyes narrowed and stance ready. Nahuel held the door open for her and she slipped inside, pressing her back against the warm glass and wondering what exactly lay ahead on Isle Esme. 

How painful and how dangerous might this be? Though it was her primary concern, she didn’t just mean battling her bloodlust.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The semester is finally over and I can breathe again-glad to finally have this published, I've had the draft in progress for nearly a month. Hope you enjoyed the drama! Any predictions of what is in store on Isle Esme?


End file.
